


My Heart Always Belonged To You

by JGoose13



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben is Anne Elliot, F/M, Mentions of Cancer, Modern Persuasion AU, Parent Death, Rey is Captain Wentworth, Second Chance Romance, Second Chances, Self Made Rey, Soft and Sad Ben Solo, anxiety mentions, persuasion au, rekindle?, slow-ish reburn?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22191364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JGoose13/pseuds/JGoose13
Summary: Ben Solo might be stuck in a rut, but at least he believes he's solved his dad's financial struggles. After renting out his childhood home, the young Solo has a chance meeting with a ghost from his past. A ghost created by his own inability to resist outside persuasion.____The Modern Persuasion AU no one asked for.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 95
Kudos: 180





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fic in YEARS. YEARS, my friend! Right now, I have 10 chapters planned, but that could change. Also, I've marked the rating as Mature, but it will eventually turn Explicit.
> 
> I would like to give a huge thanks to [ LadyofFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofFace) for betaing this chapter!
> 
> HUGE thank you to [ ksco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksco) for the GORGEOUS moodboard! Amazing!

When Ben Solo broke the news to his father about their financial livelihood, the monstrosity before him wasn’t what he had in mind when suggesting downsizing.

“Jesus _Christ_ , Dad, what the _fuck_ is this thing?” 

Han Solo, still a handsome man though well in his seventies, beamed proudly at the 1986 Winnebago Chieftain 33. A wrinkled hand slid along the smooth exterior, tracing the burnt orange “W” and adjoining racing stripe. 

“You said downsize, so that’s what I did. You don’t like ‘er?” Han asked, shooting his son a _look_. 

Ben’s plush mouth hung open, head shaking slightly from side to side, aghast. While an RV wouldn’t have been his first suggestion, an antique behemoth from the fucking 1980s was certainly the furthest from his mind. 

“I was thinking an apartment, dad. Or, you know, a nice retirement community with three golf courses and a pool… not a God damn _Winnebago_ like this is _Spaceballs_!”

“It’s okay, honey,” Han cooed at the metallic eyesore. “My son’s just Mr. Grumpy Pants. He’s been that way since he was eight. Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t mean it.” 

Ben’s big hand clenched at his side before raking through raven tresses, tugging at the ends to remind himself this was real life. This was his father. His family.

Three weeks ago, after Ben completed his monthly review of Solo’s Garage and Auto Parts’ budget, it became clear they couldn’t deny the state of affairs anymore. His father’s business had been struggling for years, and if something didn’t give very soon, Han’s hard work would drown in the red. 

It took much convincing, but the first thing Ben suggested cutting was _the_ house. Ben’s grandparents bought the old sprawling Victorian back in the 1960s, working tirelessly to renovate and restore the place into the perfect home for their twin children, Luke and Ben’s mother, Leia. The Victorian passed to Ben’s mom, and he’d called it home for the first 20 or so years of his life. 

Han lost it when Ben hedged the idea, accusing him of being a heartless bastard for even thinking about tossing aside his mother’s legacy. Ben, in turn, had called Han a sentimental old coot for holding on to a fading memory. More biting words had flown, and it ended with the both of them sobbing in the grief they felt for the loss of Leia. 

That night, they compromised: the house would not be sold full stop, but instead they would rent it in the hopes that someday they could return.

In the meantime, Han would need to find an affordable place to live. Ben had searched around for apartments near his own, as well as retirement communities for the over 55 crowd. 

In fact, a folder currently sat in the front seat of his beat up Honda with a full list of suggestions he planned on presenting to Han. However, the opportunities faded when Ben had pulled into the driveway to see the Goliath, and Han’s loyal pup, Chewie, perched in the passenger seat. 

“Come on, Ben. You know your old man. Do you think I'd fit in at some silver haired country club establishment?” Han asked, giving the Winnebago a loving pat. 

Ben heaved a sigh, hands burrowing in the pockets of his jeans. 

“No, dad, you’d be even more miserable and cranky than you are now.” 

Han snorted and shook his head. 

Reflecting back, Ben couldn’t imagine his father in a retirement community. He had always been a free spirit, which had been a point of contention with his mother. Not much excited Han like an open stretch of road in front of him. 

Despite all the tensions between them, Leia Organa-Solo and Han Solo had been the ultimate power couple. Leia served as mayor of Chandrila, their upstate New York town, until her death, and Han ran the auto mechanic business he’d forged from the ground up. Growing up, Ben’s parents had had expectations for him, but never enough time to help him reach those expectations. This led to a bout of teenage rebellion, including a few run-ins with law enforcement. When the doctors diagnosed Leia with the cancer that ultimately took her, Ben got wise, and finished out his high school career on a high note. 

With Leia gone, so too went all moderation and good sense. It wasn’t that Han squandered the money, but rather mismanaged it with shady investments and shoddy new products. 

Watching his father slowly run his business into the ground inspired Ben to concentrate his Business major in Management at NYU. Now, he worked as both account manager and financial analyst for a firm in the city, as well as moonlighting for Han’s business. Of course, Han always hoped Ben would take over his legacy, which Ben honestly wouldn’t mind, as long as there was a business to inherit.

“Hey, kid,” Han called out from inside the Winnebago, pulling Ben from his reverie. “At least come check it out. It’s fully loaded!” 

Ben humored his father, and climbed into the Winnebago. At six feet and over, the RV felt cramped and stifling to him. Ben wasn’t normally one to experience claustrophobia, but in this clunker, it swept over him like a wave. But he listened as a good son would while Han rattled off the specs and all the amenities. Even Ben had to admit this thing was the perfect fit for his father. It might look a wreck on the outside, but Han quickly assuaged Ben’s fears by showing off the shiny new engine and other restored parts.

After the grand tour, father and son stood in the driveway, taking in the maybe-not-so lame beast. Chewie bounded down the RV’s steps and skidded to a halt at Ben’s feet, leaning heavily on his leg. Ben crouched down to scratch idly at the pup’s soft, furry head. Chewie’s presence soothed Ben’s anxious thoughts. With Chewie at his side, Han would be the happiest in this damn Winnebago he’d been since Leia died.

“You gotta promise me one thing, dad,” Ben resigned. “Don’t leave the East Coast. At least for now. I don’t need you havin’ a heart attack and dying on me in Texas or some other hell hole, okay, old man?” 

Han’s lips twisted into a wry smirk. “Don’t worry, kid. I still have a lot more ways I want to make your life miserable.” 

~*~

“I cannot believe you’re letting him travel in that thing.”

Armitage Hux, insufferable ginger who also happened to be one of Ben’s best friends, stood at the opening of Ben’s cubicle. His native British accent crisp as always.

“He’s an adult. Sure, he’s old, but he’s as healthy as I am. Hell, he’ll probably outlive us all,” Ben grumbled. His fingers tapped away at his keyboard, adding some finishing touches on a report.

“You’re not worried something will happen to him? With just the dog for company?” Hux asked, before taking a sip of coffee from the mug his wife gifted him last Christmas. It depicted a cartoon piece of bread with smeared peanut butter and the words ‘We go together like…’ Its twin mirrored Hux’s with cartoon bread smeared in jelly with the completed caption ‘... peanut butter and jelly.’ Hux and Gwendolyn Phasma had both attended NYU with Ben. The trio roomed together for two years, and remained friends well after leaving the halls of academia. It helped that Ben and Hux landed jobs at the same firm, and Phasma worked ten blocks uptown as a corporate lawyer.

“Nah,” Ben waved his hand, before spinning around in his chair to face Hux. “He’ll be fine.”

“And the garage?”

“Dad’s best friend, Lando, took over for a bit. I’ll do the books on the side.” 

“You’re a good son,” Hux said.

A bark of laughter erupted from Ben’s chest, his hand clamping over his mouth to keep his laugh from disturbing his neighbors. 

“I would never use those words to describe myself,” Ben replied. “But thanks.” 

Hux smirked, but let the subject drop. “Has anyone bit on the house?”

Ben shook his head, his unruly onyx mane falling into his eyes momentarily before he brushed it back. “No one yet. The realtor is hopeful though.”

“Do you remember Paige? Paige Tico?” Hux asked. 

“Uh… maybe? Vaguely?” An indistinct face swam in Ben’s mind. Dark hair, almond shaped eyes. “Business Ethics class?” 

“The very one,” Hux confirmed. “Her younger sister recently married, and the happy couple needs a place to settle.”

“Well, if you wouldn’t mind passing the info--”

“I already took the liberty,” Hux interrupted. “They have an appointment with the realtor Friday afternoon.”

Ben blanched. “No shit?”

“Apparently, they’re desperate for country living that’s also near enough to the city for work. The Skywalker Estate seemed appropriate.” 

Ben smiled, though he tried to fight it. “Thanks Hux, that was… thoughtful of you.”

Hux rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Please shut up. Don’t make me vomit.” With that, the ginger turned on his shiny Gucci heel, and padded away. 

~*~

Thursday afternoon saw Ben trundling up a long driveway not far from his ancestral home. Leaning into a curve, a modern house came into view a moment later, damn near something Frank Lloyd Wright could have designed. But then his godmother, Amilyn Holdo, would have settled for no other style. 

A tall, lithe, lavender haired woman stood on the front porch. She always knew when Ben planned a visit. It was an uncanny sensory ability she possessed, something reminiscent of his mother. Aunt Amilyn knew Ben’s feelings and thoughts well before he realized himself. She knew every life victory, and every life failure. Since the death of Leia, she’d become his surrogate mother. 

“Ben! I’m so glad you came to see me,” Amilyn greeted with a bright smile when Ben unfolded himself from his Honda. He clutched a paper bag in one hand, and after he enveloped his godmother in a bear hug, handed it to her. 

“Your favorites,” he said, smiling softly.

Amilyn uncrumpled the opening of the bag and peered in at the pile of various types of bagels from a shop in Brooklyn. Her smile grew wider, and Ben’s heart swelled at the unspoken praise. 

“You’re such a good boy,” his godmother said, patting his cheek. She turned and led the way inside. 

The entire downstairs consisted of one open room. The living room flowed into the dining room, which flowed into the kitchen. The ceilings vaulted high, with windows wedged in, filtering in the natural sunlight. Amilyn’s style could only be described as the love child of bohemian and modern chic. Ben had always loved visiting as a child. Though she wasn’t his blood, Amilyn Holdo’s spirit and kindness had woven itself into the fabric of his family to the point that she might as well be blood. Ben valued Amilyn highly, including her views and opinions, as they reminded him so much of his mother’s. 

“Tell me, do I have new neighbors yet?” Amilyn asked, gliding into the kitchen in that graceful gait she always had. She pulled a container from a cabinet and stored away the bagels to keep them fresh, as well as two glasses that she filled with water from a pitcher. Amilyn, ever the hostess, set the glass in front of Ben, and then took a sip from her own. 

“Potential neighbors are viewing the house tomorrow,” Ben said, leaning a hip on the nearby counter. He then took a sip of his own water. 

“Here’s hoping… should have done it a long time ago. I know Han’s too proud to file for bankruptcy, and _especially_ too proud to seek help. I tried to tell him, but it took his son to finally convince him. At least something is being done, and I bet between you and Lando the garage will be back to its old self soon.” 

“You’ve got a lot of confidence we’ll get blood from a stone,” Ben chuckled, taking another pull from his water. 

“Honestly, Ben, you should’ve been managing the garage when you graduated college. Thank God I persuaded you to go the Business path. Han should not have been left to his own devices for so long. But from what it sounds like, the business hasn’t reached the point of no return. Put that fancy NYU degree to work, right?”

A corner of Ben’s mouth quirked upward at the same moment he let out a huff of amusement. “Yeah, lucky how that turned out. We’ll be alright... in the end.” He isn’t sure who he’s trying to convince the most.

Ben didn’t dwell often on his choice of college and career. What’s done is done, and nothing could change that. A Business degree had not been his first choice. He would’ve loved to study film, but NYU had been his mother’s alma mater, and also Amilyn’s. He had wanted to make them proud, and Business seemed like the safe path to take. 

‘It’s what your mother would have wanted.’ The words Amilyn used once upon a time. 

After a long beat of silence, Ben tipped the glass to his lips and drank the rest. “Well, I, unfortunately, can’t stay long but I wanted to make sure you got your bagels. It was good to see you, Aunt Amilyn.” 

The lavender-haired woman beamed, eyes twinkling with her affection for Ben. The two embraced, and Ben headed home for the evening.

~*~

Friday afternoon -- or evening rather, as Ben’s co-workers had disappeared hours ago -- saw Ben working on the last of a report. The absence of plans led him to this late night at work, not to mention the peace of mind it won’t be hanging over his head through the weekend.

On the desk next to his arm, his phone began to vibrate, a steady staccato against the laminate surface. Ben didn’t recognize the number immediately, but answered regardless, when he realized it could be the realtor. All afternoon his thoughts drifted to the young couple that could be the next inhabitants of the old Skywalker mansion. Perhaps this was his answer. 

“Hello?” He asked softly, out of habit. There was no one around for him to bother with his conversation.

“Hello, Mr. Solo, it’s Dopheld Mitaka, your realtor,” came the overly cheerful voice.

“Yes, hi, I hope you have good news for me?”

“Indeed I do. The Tico-Storm family decided to rent! They seem like a really lovely couple, and fell head over heels for the Victorian. They’ll come on Monday to sign the lease and will move in by the end of the month. Exciting news, right?”

“Yes, very. Thank you for your help, Mr. Mitaka.” 

Ben tried hard to show enthusiasm, but his heart and gut clenched tightly. The whole situation was bittersweet, but it needed to be done. Still, he’d miss hearing Chewie skitter through the house, nails scraping on the hardwood floor. He’d miss hearing his father’s annoyed rants at something stupid on the television. Most of all, he’d miss the smell of freshly baked bread, a weekend tradition of his mother’s. The hot sting of tears prickled at his eyes. 

Ben sucked in a deep breath, before letting it out. 

_This was the right thing to do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me in The Writing Den and Dirty Dadam Dungeon Discord servers, and also on Twitter @JGoose753!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to give a huge thanks to [ LadyofFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofFace) for betaing this chapter!
> 
> HUGE thank you to [ ksco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksco) for the GORGEOUS moodboard! Amazing!

The end of the month came and passed. 

Rather than hiring a management company, Ben opted to act as full service landlord, since he lived within somewhat close driving distance. He and Han had fought over that as well, with Han believing a property manager would make things easier. Ben argued that a property manager would add an unnecessary expense. Not when he could handle the day to day. There were some things he could fix himself, having learned a few skills over the years. Anything more complicated than that, Ben was perfectly capable of hiring a third party. 

No, this was the right decision. 

The last vestiges of summer gave way to fall, and October came with a crisp start. Things slowed at work, so he spent his spare time pouring over vendor receipts and payroll for the garage. The more he did so, the more Ben believed they could save it. It’d take time, but they would make it work. 

Ben’s cell phone pinged, notifying him of a text message. 

_[Dad] I’m not dead._

Ben huffed a laugh. Before he could reply, another text message came in. This time, it was a very awkward selfie of Han and Chewie. Han’s thumb had blocked part of the camera. Indeed, his dad looked alive and happy. Happier than Ben had seen him in a long while. 

_[Dad] When you’ve got the time, you should visit. Chewie and I are going to spend fall in Maine. Vacationland._

**I’ll see what I can do. Have fun. Stay not dead.**

_[Dad] Will do._

It wasn’t that Ben didn’t have the vacation time, because he certainly did. God knew how many vacation days he’d accrued at his job, but he never bothered taking time. He never saw a reason to. Where would he go? And by himself? No, better to keep working, keep his mind occupied. 

But... Perhaps he _could_ take a day or two, make a long weekend of it? Pushing the thought away for further deliberation, Ben finished his workday, and headed home with the rest of the commuters. 

The long subway ride to Brooklyn always afforded Ben too much time to reflect, to _think_. It also triggered the thoughts of how utterly mundane and repetitive his life had become. Most days, he was fine with it. In fact, he thrived on the monotony. Boring was far better than chaotic. When he was younger, Ben wanted chaotic. Thrived on it. 

Not anymore. Boring was what he wanted. What he deserved. 

When Ben was a kid, he admired his father’s inability to fit into the 9 to 5 mould. How Han thrived on adventure, on living on the edge. When he got older, Ben realized how reckless it was. How unstable. How much stress it layered on his mother. 

No, he _needed_ the mundane.

_Wake up. Get ready for the work day. Subway ride. Walk to his office building. Work. Shoot the shit with Hux. Finish the work day. Walk to the subway. Subway ride home. Maybe stop at the bodega on the corner for some odds and ends. Eat dinner. Watch TV. Go to bed._

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. 

_Fuck, he needed groceries._

Once at his stop, Ben loped from the subway station, and up the street to the bodega nearest his apartment. He grabbed a hand basket and began wandering the aisles, debating what to cook for dinner. 

Ingredients for spaghetti acquired, he headed for the register. When he passed the magazine rack, he froze. 

It was _her._

The girl -- no, _woman_ \-- that had haunted his thoughts and dreams for ten years. A lump formed in his throat, and Ben tried to swallow around the sudden panic. His palms grew clammy, and his heart thundered in his chest. 

The latest issue of Forbes magazine featured a front cover news article entitled _Rey Niima: Wunderkind._

All sound dissipated, as if suddenly Ben existed in a vacuum. His arms fell to his sides, and his shoulders sagged as though a heavy weight settled there.

The brunette woman grinned at him from the front cover, a sparkle in her hazel eyes. 

Since their parting a decade ago, Ben had tried to rid his mind of all things Rey Niima. The pain being too much; the regret fucking corrosive. He’d royally fucked up, and rather than dealing with his fuck up, he’d pushed the emotions and thoughts of her away. Every now and then over the years, Rey trickled in, and he’d wonder what became of her, wondered if she was happy. Ben had never felt the need to scour the Internet for news of her, though he’d certainly considered it. 

She deserved to be rid of him, fully. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” he breathed, hands reaching out, fingertips touching the delicate jaw in the photograph. Rey hadn’t grown out of the smattering of freckles that dotted her cheeks. In fact, they had become more endearing, more adorable. Familiar dimples teased him through her smile. Wine red lipstick highlighted the perfect cupid’s bow mouth, and her dark tresses fell in artful waves around her face and to her shoulders. 

She looked _good_. More than good… _perfect._

It took every ounce of his strength and self-preservation to move his feet, to get away from the pull of her soft eyes. If Ben remained, he’d no doubt be sucked into a vortex of thoughts he didn’t want to be trapped in. Not when he’d finally gotten himself to a good head space after so long. He’d pour over that magazine, sucking in every detail it fed him about Rey’s life since he last saw her. But he couldn’t know the details. She had become amazingly successful, and that’s all he wanted to know. 

As though his feet were encased in concrete, Ben moved sluggishly to the cashier. As the young man behind the counter beeped in his groceries, Ben dazed. On autopilot, he somehow made it to his apartment. Dinner didn’t seem like a priority anymore, his stomach curled into knots. Bile rose in his throat, and for a second, Ben thought he would puke. He stood in the entryway of his apartment, clutching the grocery bags in his hands, trying hard not to spiral further into the panic attack he could feel growing. 

Ben sucked in a deep breath through his nose, letting the oxygen rest in his lungs. He then let out the breath through his lips. He repeated the combined actions a couple more times, until he felt the onslaught recede. 

One would think he’d have gotten over a summer fling ten years ago.

But denial wasn’t just a river in Egypt, as his father would say. Ben Solo knew damn well it hadn’t been just a summer fling. But it was over. Done with. She’d moved on, clearly, and so had he.

_Hadn’t he?_

~*~

Having put off the inevitable long enough, Ben made the long haul to where he kept his car parked for a thankfully nominal monthly fee, and headed out of the city.

Saturday morning shone brightly across the New York City skyline as Ben inched his way along the freeway. The urban landscape bled away and into the softer suburbs, and then he whizzed past the Chandrila town sign. 

The first stop he made was to Han’s garage. It wasn’t time to look over the monthly expenses, but he enjoyed chatting with Lando Calrissian, one of Han’s oldest friends. 

“Heeeey, Benny Boy!” The ebullient older man greeted Ben when he walked through the large bay doors. A few of the long time employed mechanics waved as well. Lando wore dirty mechanic coveralls, and attempted to wipe his hands clean on a filthy rag. A faded and frayed patch over his left breast proclaimed him as ‘Lando.’ The dark skinned man looked good, reserving a wide, friendly smile just for Ben. 

“Lando,” Ben quirked a smile, standing awkwardly, hands in his pockets. 

“Got a call from your old man a few days ago. He really likes Maine. I never thought I’d see the day when he became Han Solo: Leaf Peeper.” 

Ben snorted. There was a long standing tradition of tourists that drove throughout upper New England to see the gorgeous sites of Fall. The leaves truly shined: vibrant yellows, deep reds, and citrus oranges. It was such a _soft_ thing for Han to do.

“He’s trying to get me to visit him,” Ben mused. “How’re we lookin’ here?”

“So far, so good,” Lando replied, motioning with his hand for Ben to follow him into the manager’s office. They tucked into ratty vinyl chairs that had seen better days, with bits of stuffing hanging out. The sounds of jacks and clangs of wrenches rang around them, muffled behind the closed door. “I thought we were going to have to let someone go… but I think we’re managing.”

Ben sighed in relief. “It would’ve killed dad to lay off any of them.” It would’ve killed Ben too. Those men were like uncles to him. They’d all taught him everything he knew about fixing cars.

“We’re doing the right thing here, Ben. Making the right steps. You don’t need to take all of this on your shoulders, you know? I’m here to help, and so are they.” Lando’s finger swept the open garage behind Ben’s head.

Ben sighed again, this time one that sounded long suffering. “I know. I feel it is my responsibility. After mom, when I was home, I felt like I was the only adult in the house. I love my dad but…” He trailed off, raking his hands through his hair. 

Lando remained silent for a beat. “I get it. Han is Han. He’s been that way as long as I can remember. You don’t have to take all this on alone, Ben Solo. There are a ton of people around you that can help. That would love to help. You’re not a teenager. You don’t have to atone anymore for what you did. You never had to.”

It frustrated Ben to no end how everyone saw him. Truly saw him. Like a translucent piece of fabric attempting to hide secrets of the universe, but failing miserably at it.

~*~

Thirty minutes later, Ben’s anxiety ramped up yet again, as he turned into the driveway of the Skywalker mansion. It had been over a month since the last time he’d walked through the front door, but it felt like a lifetime. Other than two sensible midsize SUVs taking up the rest of the driveway, the exterior of the old Victorian looked ever the same.

Unfurling from his beat up Honda that definitely did not match the shiny SUVs, Ben ambled up the walkway to the front door.

Before he could raise a large fist to knock on the old oak, it flew open to reveal a tiny, young woman. 

“Mr. Solo, hi! Welcome, come in!” 

Taken aback by the raw geniality, Ben smiled slightly and stepped through the door. 

Sealed cardboard boxes took up part of the parlor. There were open boxes strewn throughout, but the house already felt lived in, homey. 

“I was so glad when you asked if you could swing by,” the young woman said. She had to be a foot shorter than him, at least, but then he nearly dwarfed everyone. Dark hair curled around a beautiful, full face. Almond shaped eyes twinkled genuinely. “I’m Rose, by the way. Rose Tico-Storm. It’s nice to meet you.” 

Ben gently shook the tiny offered hand. “Pleasure to meet you. Call me Ben.” 

“This is a beautiful house, Ben. We’re thankful for the opportunity to live here. Suburban living is so much more peaceful.” 

“Honey? Is he here?” A male voice preceded the thudding of feet as they descended the stairs. The newcomer came to a halt at the bottom, also sporting a kind smile that reached his dark eyes. 

“You must be Mr. Solo,” the young man greeted, also offering up a handshake. 

“Ben is fine,” Ben replied, shaking firmly. 

“Finn Storm. Thanks for coming by to check on us.” 

Ben shrugged. “I wanted to make sure everything was in working order. Any issues? You settling in okay?” 

“So far, so good! Can we get you anything to drink?” Rose offered, motioning toward the kitchen.

“Oh, no, thank you though. I don’t want to intrude long,” Ben replied.

“No intrusion at all! Come on!”

The three settled at a small kitchen table with glasses of iced tea. They exchanged idle chat for a few minutes, discussing occupations, a little of the history of the house, and what Chandrila was like. Ben learned about the fledgling beginnings of their marketing firm that now boasted a few top clients. Ben was genuinely glad to hear of their success. It also surprised him how much he enjoyed getting to know them. He’d never call himself a loner, but his limited friend group might say otherwise. 

“Chandrila’s such a cute town. We both grew up in the Bronx, so it’s different living for sure,” Rose commented. “A slower pace is nice, especially after a hectic work week in the city.”

“It’s a good place to raise a family. If that’s ever in your plan, of course,” Ben amended. 

“Some day…” Finn said, almost wistfully. “... but there are things we’d like to accomplish with our company before then.”

“Of course,” Ben nodded. “Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time. I live in Brooklyn, so I should start heading back.”

Once back at the front door, Ben shook their hands again. “Please, don’t hesitate to call me about anything. Which reminds me, in the winter time the deadbolt on the back door can stick. It just takes a little extra elbow grease to spring it.”

“Noted,” Finn replied with a smile. 

“By the way, we were planning to host a dinner in a couple of weeks.” Rose interjected. “Sort of a house warming thing. If it isn’t weird to ask you, as our landlord, would you want to come? We invited Hux and Phasma, as appreciation for suggesting the house. My sister Paige will be here too.” 

The last thing Ben wanted to do was attend a party. It didn’t matter they were his tenants and it was his childhood home. He could care less about that part. 

The socializing aspect was always a chore.

“Um--”

“Just think about it! And let us know, okay?”

They both looked so hopeful. Like they really wanted him there. Why, he couldn’t imagine.

“I’ll let you know.”

“You’re going,” Hux said at work on Monday. “You’re going whether you really want to or not.”

“You don’t think it’d be awkward?”

“You’re already awkward, Solo, so yes it will. But it’ll be good for you. Come out of your castle, Dracula, you’re pale as hell.”

Ben shot Hux a glare, then pretended he had an itch by his nose, and proceeded to scratch it with his middle finger. “Says the soulless ginger fuck.” 

Hux guffawed.

“If it’ll shut you up,” Ben capitulated. “I’ll go.”

~*~

What does one bring to a housewarming party?

Especially when the house was still technically your family’s, but no Solo or Skywalker lived there?

Wine, that had to be a safe bet. 

Ben parked on the street in front of the house, as vehicles crammed the driveway. Gripping the two bottles of wine he’d procured on his way out of the city, he walked slowly up to the door.

Okay, maybe he was stalling. 

Rose flung the door open once again on his approach. Yet another woman that sensed his presence. Did he smell that badly?

“I’m so glad you decided to join us! Come in, come in!” 

Judging by the flush in her cheeks, Rose already drank a few glasses of wine. No judgement from him. It was Friday evening after all, and Ben wanted a few himself. Or ten. Just to dull the experience of the next few hours. 

The house felt warm and cozy, more so than it had in the past decade. It comforted Ben, to the point he could feel the tension in his shoulders loosening as he shrugged out of his jacket. He handed the peacoat to Rose, who whisked away with it and the wine bottles. 

Hands in the pockets of his jeans, Ben followed the sound of laughter and conversation, and found a group of people gathered in the living room. The boxes he’d seen a few weeks ago had disappeared, a true sign the Tico-Storms were settled. 

Phasma and Hux stood by the old fireplace. Hux held a glass of wine, and Phasma a pint of some craft beer no doubt. They conversed with an attractive, curly haired blonde woman, and Paige Tico, whom Ben recognized now upon seeing her again. Finn stood near the opening at the back of the room which led down the hall to the kitchen. Next to him was a man with dark unruly hair and equally dark, intense eyes. A brunette woman stood with her back to Ben, and must have said something humorous, because the two men laughed boisterously. No one had noticed Ben yet, which was fine. It afforded him the opportunity to get a read of the room. 

There was something very familiar about the brunette woman. The way she stood, her poise, the cadence of her voice. He couldn’t hear it clearly, but there was no mistaking the sweet murmur of it. Her shoulder length hair fell in artful waves, and she wore a knee length black dress that fit her slender form perfectly. 

There was something about her…

It was then Rose came into the room through the back hall, appearing at her husband’s shoulder. Finn glanced at her with a smile, then, realizing why she’d disappeared in the first place, looked up to spot Ben. 

“Ben! Glad you came!” 

Ben would have greeted him back immediately, but the brunette woman had turned to see the new arrival. 

His response died on his lips. All sound dimmed. His vision narrowed to the face revealed to him. 

Fuck, it was _her_. As though she’d been conjured from that damn magazine. 

_It was Rey_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to [LadyofFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofFace) for betaing this chapter!
> 
> HUGE thank you to [ksco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksco) for the GORGEOUS moodboard! Amazing!

Many summers when Ben was a child, the Organa-Solo family would visit his Uncle Luke’s lake house in Connecticut. One summer, when he couldn’t have been more than eight or nine at the time, he’d spend every waking moment in that lake. _God_ , did he love to swim. He’d sneak out of the house many a night to take a dip in the moonlight, basking in the faint, ethereal glow and the silence of the evening. 

Having tread water for quite a while one evening, he grew tired and decided to head to bed. As Ben pulled himself onto the dock, he slipped and fell backward into the water. Stunned, he had floundered, limbs flailing, trying to propel himself up to safety. The panic froze him, pulling him further into the murky depths. The sensory deprivation of the lake water terrified him more, and he had thought: _this is it, this is how I die_. 

Seeing Rey, in the flesh after ten years, felt like that night. 

Darkness tugged at the edge of his vision, conversation sounded muffled to his ears, and the need to flail, to swim rather than sink, consumed him.

Thankfully for Ben that night on the lake, his Uncle Luke had gotten wise to Ben’s evening swims, and often stayed up to make sure nothing befell his nephew. It was only a matter of Luke hopping in, locking his arms around Ben’s waist, and hauling his head above water for Ben to suck in blessed oxygen. 

There was no Luke to save him now. 

Ben had to save himself, or drown. 

In the moment, he felt inclined to let the latter happen. 

“Ben. _Ben_. Earth to Solo.”

Hux's voice rushed in, breaking the roaring silence. 

Shaking his head, Ben broke the eye contact with Rey he hadn’t known he was holding, and glanced to Hux. At some point, the ginger had crossed the room to rouse him.

“S-Sorry,” Ben huffed, scraping a large palm down his long face. “It’s been a long day.”

“Heard that,” Rose nodded. “We were just making introductions. You know my sister, Paige.” 

Ben nodded at the sister in question, finally remembering her face from a Business class.

“You know Hux and Phasma, of course. This is Poe Dameron,” Rose continued. Poe Dameron was the man with the dark, unruly hair and intense eyes. He was handsome, and had a kind smile as Poe waved in greeting. Ben returned the motion with a half-hearted wave of his own.

“Zorii Bliss.” The beautiful, curly-haired blonde woman smiled and waved.

“And this is our very best friend, Rey Niima.” 

Rey met Ben’s gaze again. The emotions reflected in those hazel depths crashed into him like the lake water, enveloping him, spearing him through the heart. 

_Recognition, hurt, anger_.

“Mr. Solo,” she said. The use of his last name cut through him. So formal, so distant. “This is _your_ home?”

Her voice was rich and honeyed as it always had been. Perhaps a little huskier with age. Rey had not lost a touch of her British accent. Hearing her again caused something warm to coil in the depths of his gut. 

“Uh, yes. It’s my family’s house,” he replied, hating how his voice shook, sounding so small. 

“It’s beautiful. You’ve really kept it up,” Zorii commented. Ben would later learn Zorii owned an architecture firm in the city, and had an appreciation for the Victorian style.

“Thanks,” Ben muttered, wanting nothing more than that lake to have swallowed him whole, to never have grown up and be thrust into this situation. His gaze slid to Hux, who scrutinized him, eyebrows pinched in confusion. 

“Now that we’re all here and acquainted… dinner’s ready!” Rose announced, motioning everyone through the hallway to the formal dining room across from the kitchen. The antique dining set Ben left for his tenants was laden with a festive fall-themed tablecloth, candlesticks with lit white candles, and simple but elegant dinnerware. 

His heart clenched as he remembered there hadn’t been a formal meal in this room since the Thanksgiving before Leia died.

The group filed around the table, procuring random seats but leaving both heads of the table open for their hosts. 

Ben hung back, taking his time making it to the dining room. Luckily, the last open seat sat next to Poe Dameron and across from Hux. Ben slid into the chair closest to Rose’s end of the table, thanking his lucky stars that _she_ had sat on the opposite end near Finn. Ben was also very fucking thankful for the glass of wine Rose had poured for everyone.

Despite the pain in his stomach and a heaviness weighing down his shoulders, Ben took note of all the delicious aromas. Rose was quite the cook, and had outdone herself with the meal. Finn said as much, complimenting his wife with a shining smile. Light conversation took hold as they began passing plates around, and Ben did his best to keep his gaze on his plate of food, silent. 

It was still sink or swim, and damned if his instincts caused him to start sneaking glances down the table, towards Rey, clearly intent on sinking. 

It amused him to see she’d piled her plate with food. Some things never changed. She’d always been a big eater, which Ben had appreciated. 

“So, do you still live in town, or…” 

It took Ben a split second too long to realize Poe had spoken to him. 

“Oh, uh… no. I live in Brooklyn actually. I work in the city.”

“Nice, whereabouts in Brooklyn?” Poe asked.

“Prospect Heights,” Ben replied.

“Hey, we’re practically neighbors! I live in Flatbush.” 

Poe and Ben continued to talk about their favorite spots in Brooklyn, and Ben found himself loosening up a bit. Poe divulged that he worked with Rey, though he didn’t specify right away in what capacity.

Through the remainder of the main course, Ben took notice of the faint buzz humming beneath his skin. It’d been years since he felt the sensation, and seconds before he remembered what it meant. 

_Rey_. 

Her mere presence had always affected him on a cellular level, like her molecules called out to his, causing them to vibrate. It’d been a decade, but time had not dulled his body’s reactions to her. 

_Fuckin’ figures_.

It seemed, though, time, or force of will, caused Rey to forget all about him. Throughout the meal, she ignored him, not once engaging him in conversation though everyone else had. If the spark of recognition had not shown itself in her gaze earlier, Ben might have thought she didn’t remember him. 

His chest ached, like when his lungs had tried, to no avail, to fill with oxygen instead of lake water. 

His body had no right to react this way. He’d been the one that broke them apart, and it served him right she should choose to ignore him. To act as though she’d _never_ known him. 

Every time he tried to pull his focus away from her, she would laugh or say something, and Ben would be pushed back in like water crushing him down. Her laugh was musical, as cliche of a description as that was, but no less accurate. Like the soft tinkling of wind chimes on a gorgeous, breezy spring day. 

_Fuck, he was pathetic_.

“So, how was work today for you?” Rose asked Ben when they returned to the table after clearing their dishes. She clutched her glass of wine between both hands, genuine curiosity in her dark eyes. Ben didn’t like many people, that was just Ben, but there was something about Rose… 

Though he’d only known her briefly, he got the feeling that any person who didn’t like Rose could not be trusted.

“Work,” Ben replied wryly, shrugging one shoulder. 

“You’re with First Order Financials, right? In the Coruscant Building on Water Street?”

Ben nodded, large fingers fiddling with the stem of his wine glass.

“You’re not far from Rey’s company headquarters. She’s in the Jakku Building.”

If Ben’s heart was capable, it would have stopped dead. 

The Jakku Building, three blocks up, towered over the Coruscant Building. He passed the flashy main entrance on his way to work. 

To think they’d been so close for who knew how long… to think he could’ve literally bumped into her…

“First Order Financials handles some of my accounts,” Rey commented. Ben glanced down the table. She still didn’t look at him or acknowledge him. Her comment meant for Rose, and not Ben. 

“Rey is a _phenom_ ,” Rose gushed, the wine flush in her cheeks glowing more from pride she felt for her friend. “She made her first million in less than a year. Now, Niima Technologies is the most sought after tech company on the eastern seaboard.”

“Rose,” Rey sighed, a hint of a warning in the name. 

“What? I can’t brag about my best friend?” 

“You’d think you’d be used to this by now,” Finn interjected to Rey, amused. 

“Not everyone wants to hear about this,” Rey huffed.

Without having to look, Ben knew Rey’s cheeks were burning, and not just from the wine. Rey had always been humble, and the soft warning to her friend meant that hadn’t changed either.

“I love hearing this story,” Poe spoke up.

Ben’s head turned ever so slightly, catching the brief grin on Poe’s face. There was a fondness to that smile that had Ben’s stomach churning in an unfamiliar emotion. 

“See! Everyone loves a good success story!” Rose piped up, pleased. “Especially a rags-to-riches tale.”

“I _love_ hearing a good rags-to-riches tale,” Phasma said, wide mouth opening into a wide grin. 

Ben wondered when that eddy of lake water would take him to hell. 

Rose, encouraged, swept her hand across the air in front of her as though painting the scene with the movement. “Once upon a time, there was a girl, Rey Niima, a girl from simple beginnings, a graduate of NYU, a _genius_. This girl had a dream to begin her own company, and because she’s just that badass… she _did_. The fledgling Niima Technologies held steadfast during its rocky start, barely staying afloat in Rey’s shitty Manhattan apartment--”

“Hey! I loved that apartment!”

“-- But sheer determination and will, not to mention a charming smile, brought in her first million dollars within eight months! The business world didn’t know how she’d done it! But they underestimated the tenacity and drive of Rey Niima. Quickly, Niima Technologies gained _such_ notoriety, offering a wide variety of tech hardware and software, and BAM-- here she is today, ladies and gentlemen, the wealthiest woman under 30, totally self-made, but still as humble as ever. Oh, and did I mention she’s front and center on the cover of _Forbes_ ’ most recent issue?” 

Everyone at the table broke into a round of applause. Ben, shocked, could only slow clap along. 

“I didn’t realize we were sitting amongst such esteemed company,” Hux said, impressed.

“My _company_ isn’t esteemed,” Rey laughed, forcing Ben to close his eyes against the onslaught of what the sound did to him. 

_Too much wine_.

“Such a crock of horseshit,” he muttered.

Except, judging by the fact that all eyes had turned to look curiously at him, he hadn’t been as quiet as he’d wanted. 

“How can you be so sure, Mr. Solo?” Rey asked, finally addressing him directly. Like a moth to a flame, his eyes met hers, and there went the rush of water over his head again. “We’ve only just met… how do you presume to know my character?” 

“Well, I-- I--” Ben floundered for an answer, almost positive that no one in this room knew about their shared past. He’d never told Hux or Phasma, and in her efforts to forget him, Rey no doubt never told anyone else at this table.

“I could be a ruthless businesswoman. Only owing my success to shady methods.” 

Her hazel eyes were ablaze, though Ben couldn’t tell from what emotion. Anger? Passion? Spite?

“From what I know of you, Miss Niima, and from what your friends have said, I couldn’t imagine you’ve gained such success from ‘shady methods.’” Ben managed to reply.

“She doesn’t have a dishonest bone in her body,” Finn said, and Rose nodded. 

“Honest to a fault,” Poe chipped in, and man, Ben wanted to punch his pretty, stubbled jaw. 

Mercifully, the topic of conversation changed when Rey brought up talk about an upcoming trip to a potential client in the United Kingdom. 

Ben slumped in his chair, reaching for his wine glass. His hand stopped, thinking better of it, and retracted, settling his hand in his lap. Feeling eyes boring into him, he raised his chocolate hues to find both Hux and Phasma staring at him, confusion and curiosity evident on their faces. One perfectly shaped auburn eyebrow rose towards Hux’s forehead, and Ben knew he’d be grilled later. He might think he’s good at hiding shit, but he wasn’t good at hiding shit from his two best friends.

The dessert course came and went, and the group retired to the living room again with coffee or whiskey. Ben opted for coffee, knowing he’d want to drive back to the city to sleep in his own bed, breathe in his own space, swim instead of sink.

It killed him, like a slow-acting poison liquefying his insides, to know Rey had been so close for so long, and Ben had never known. He couldn’t give a shit about the money. Rey deserved that money and success more than anyone he knew. 

No, what killed him were the _what-ifs_. 

That was Ben Solo’s whole life, in a nutshell, always worrying over _what-ifs_ , and never looking forward to the future. Never looking to _make_ something happen. Always agonizing over what he _could have_ done. Trudging through life like a drone; a worker bee with no mind but to eat, sleep, and make money.

Glancing at his wristwatch, Ben noticed the lateness of the hour. Tipping back the mug, he polished off the coffee, and headed for the kitchen. He set the mug in the sink, then stopped for a brief side trip into the downstairs bathroom. The city was close, but still long enough away that Ben knew he wouldn’t make it home, not with the wine and coffee he’d drunk.

After doing his business, he opened the door and barrelled into the hallway, narrowly missing a collision with a soft, warm body. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” he breathed, once again meaning to keep silent, but finding himself unable when he saw who it was. 

Rey smirked, her arms crossed beneath her breasts. God, she looked good in that dress. Hell, she’d look good in a fucking potato sack.

“Fancy seeing you here, Ben Solo.”

Ben can sense the weightedness of her words. The months they’d spent together that summer, and he’d never once brought her to his home. Rey had been just as blind as he going into this evening. 

“Uh, yeah, the old homestead…” he replied, shifting from foot to foot and scratching at the back of his neck. 

In the dim light of the hallway, her hazel eyes studied him. Her gaze swept over his face, his shoulders, looking for differences, maybe? Similarities? Was he so different that she might not have known him?

A ridiculous notion, considering his sheer size. Not to mention the prominent nose, full lips, crooked chin, and the ears… None of these having dulled over the years, only sharpening, becoming more striking as he aged. 

“It is a lovely home. No one will care for it better than my friends,” Rey spoke. 

“I don’t doubt it.”

Silence fell between them, awkwardly, with so much to say and yet nothing at all. Her nearness brought back the hum to his veins, and the sinking sensation.

“I, uh, need to head back to the city. Have a pleasant rest of your evening, Rey Niima.” 

Ben couldn’t scurry around her fast enough, his long legs easily covering the distance to the living room where he made hasty goodbyes. Ben had to pause for a beat more, and show graciousness to his hosts. Rose and Finn, pleased he’d come, extended an open invitation for him to drop by whenever in town. He thanked them for it. 

Once outside in the biting chill of the October evening, Ben sucked in a deep breath. His heart settled, but only just. The further his Honda puttered away from the house, the better he felt, and the more his less than gentle grip on the steering wheel loosened.

What were the odds of Rey’s presence at that dinner party?

What were the odds Ben would see her _again_? 

Hell, they had to be slim to none, considering they’d been working so close, yet never happened upon the other. 

New York was a big city. Ben could _make it_ that lake in Connecticut. He could let it swallow him this time. He didn’t want to relive the agony of being near Rey again, unable to do anything but look. Or try not to look, in his case. 

One Fall evening, when Ben was thirty-two, he met the woman of his dreams again. That evening felt like that long ago night on the lake, but with no uncle to save him this time. Instead of slipping off the dock and into the darkness of the water, he slipped into the green-brown depths of Rey’s familiar gaze. 

And it felt just like drowning. 

Ben wished he knew what deity he’d royally pissed off, so he could make amends and not live through that fresh hell ever again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to give a huge thanks to [ LadyofFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofFace) for betaing this chapter!
> 
> HUGE thank you to [ ksco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksco) for the GORGEOUS moodboard! Amazing!

Ben slept like shit that night. 

The early light of Saturday burned away the lake nightmare he hadn’t had in years. Saturday also brought the numerous chores he didn’t get a chance to complete during the week. 

Like laundry. 

Ben was fortunate enough to live in a building with the necessary machines, and as his clothes tumbled in the dryer, he read from Steinbeck’s _The_ _Grapes of Wrath_. He’d hated the book in high school, like much of the required reading. As an adult, Ben wanted to give it the second chance it deserved. 

Plus, there was just something about the American classics and human suffering…

His cell phone vibrated just as the Joads reached California. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” Ben said, heaving a fake sigh.

“I can’t just call my nephew to check in? Make sure he’s not dead in a ditch somewhere?”

The voice on the other end of the line brought the lake nightmare rushing back.

Uncle Luke.

“I promise you, I’m not dead in a ditch,” Ben chuckled. “At least… I’m pretty sure I’m not.”

“I bet you’re doing laundry though. And reading some depressing, existential piece of literature in the basement of your apartment building.” 

_Shit_. Was he that predictable?

Ben looked over his shoulder, half expecting to see his reclusive uncle peering in through one of the tiny basement windows.

“Everything okay with you, old geezer?” Ben asked. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Luke replied instantly, almost absently. “I really am just calling to check in. See how you’re doing. With the house and all… and your dad.”

It wasn’t a surprise Luke hadn’t contacted Han himself. They didn’t talk a whole lot. Not since Leia. 

“I’m fine. The house is fine. Dad seems fine. Are you still doing the hermit thing, or are you back in civilization?”

Luke chuckled. “I wouldn’t consider myself a hermit. If I was, I sure wouldn’t be calling _your_ tall, gangly ass.”

Once, their good natured ribbing had turned sour, during those teenage years Ben didn’t much like to think about.

The conversation continued for another handful of minutes, before it veered toward a typical subject.

“Still working for that capitalist nightmare?” Luke asked.

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes, it’s going great. Thanks for asking.”

“The money can’t be worth the blood sucking that institution does.”

“Actually, the money’s pretty decent. Pretty good benes too.” 

Luke once worked for corporate America, which is why he was now a self-proclaimed semi-hermit living in the wilds of Maine. He’d taken an early retirement, and thanks to corporate America and a part time job, he lived comfortably in his isolation.

“Snoke is--”

“I know, Luke,” Ben cut in. “You don’t like Snoke. You’ve never liked Snoke. Just like you hated Sheev. I get it. Same old song and dance.”

“Can’t say I haven’t warned ya, kid. You’ve shown him loyalty all these years, but he’s like a caged animal. He’ll turn on you in a heartbeat, and he’ll ruin you.”

Ben considered Snoke a mentor of sorts. He’d worked for Snoke since the Fall after his senior year of college. As the chief financial officer of First Order Financials, William Snoke was Ben’s boss, and yes, at times, he could be tough. Ben valued all he’s learned from Snoke, and had climbed the office ladder at his guidance. He owed much of his current position to Snoke. 

Uncle and nephew exchanged a few more words before parting. As at the end of all phone conversations with Luke, Ben politely declined an offer to visit him in Maine, and hung up. 

Luke had taken Leia’s passing very hard. They were twins, after all. Younger Ben had always wanted a twin after watching his mother and uncle exchange wordless conversations. He thought it was cool, like ESP. But it was something much more than that, and he realized the depth of it all when Ben witnessed his uncle’s anguish over the loss of his beloved sister.

Sunday came and went, and as soon as Ben settled in bed that evening, he realized he hadn’t thought about Friday’s dinner party once. 

The drive back to Brooklyn that night had Ben worried over whether his mind would tail spin at constant thoughts of Rey. The longer his body and mind were away from her, the better he adjusted back to status quo. Almost as if he’d not seen her at all.

In fact, when the alarm clock blared bright and early Monday morning, Ben Solo felt so refreshed and so free of thoughts of Rey, he practically skipped to work from his subway stop. He even kept his gaze fixed in front of him, avoiding the grandiose entrance of the Jakku Building. 

Just as Ben had settled in with his coffee that morning, Hux accosted him in his cubicle in an attempt to wrangle information. Hux knew something had been off about Friday’s dinner, but Ben didn’t budge. He didn’t give away one solitary clue. Hux ambled away, disappointed. Not even that dampened Ben’s good mood.

His lunch hour rolled around, and Ben’s in-office chat window alerted to a new message.

**< W. Snoke> My office. **

That’s all it said, but for Snoke, that’s all it needed to say.

With the permission of Snoke’s secretary, Ben stepped into the CFO’s office five minutes later. Ben wasn't a small person, nor would he consider himself meek. When it came to William Snoke, his shoulders hunched ever so slightly, like a dog coming to heel. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

Snoke didn’t bother looking up from the papers he perused. 

“Yes, have a seat, Mr. Solo.” 

Ben folded his body into one of the comfortable arm chairs in front of Snoke’s antique mahogany desk. Trying to sit comfortably, he crossed one leg over the other after adjusting the pant leg. It was all Ben could do to not fidget nervously.

William Snoke cut a fierce figure behind his desk. He had been in the financial world for over thirty years, and knew how to maneuver the system better than anyone. Snoke was tall, and rather gaunt. He was bald, with sunken facial features and gnarled scar tissue across his left cheek. No one knew how Snoke had received the injury, but everyone around the office loved to weave ridiculous theories. Though Snoke did not initially appear as a powerhouse, the man could bandy words around like the sharpest of weapons, and when he spoke, everyone listened. No one could avoid the hypnotic pull and lilt of his voice.

“Exemplary work on the Kamino account. I have received word from their CFO himself, gushing about how pleased he is at the job you have done.” 

“Thank you, sir,” Ben replied. One of the first lessons Snoke had ever taught him was not to bask in glory. Take the compliment, and move on. Ben knew the pat on the back was to be short lived.

Snoke remained silent for another minute, looking through the papers on his desk, not once bothering to look up at Ben. Another familiar tactic: nonchalance, testing your patience, because when you’re in front of Snoke, you’re on _his_ time, not yours.

“If you ever wish to sit in this chair, you will need to do better.” Snoke set the reports aside, folded his hands on his desk, and finally lifted his gaze to pin Ben. Snoke’s eyes were some indescribable color, but they always pierced you, rooting you to the spot. 

Ben’s sure he couldn’t have done any better on the Kamino account, but there’s no arguing with Snoke.

“Yes, sir,” he replied, his voice damn near coming off as a scolded child’s. 

“I have given you years of my guidance. _And_ you once had the added benefit of my own mentor’s tutelage. Sheev Palpatine would agree with me when I say that if you ever wish to be more, you must give more.”

“Of course, Mr. Snoke. I have much more to give. I can be better. You have taught me a lot, and I know there is always more to learn.” 

Snoke gave Ben a curt nod. “Yes. You still have much to learn, Mr. Solo. But your promise and dedication are more than I can say for others. You may go.”

With that, Snoke turned to another stack of papers, and gave not another inch his attention to Ben. Ben couldn’t get out of there fast enough, though for some reason his legs wobbled as he made his escape. Reaching his desk, Ben collapsed in his chair, and let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. 

Ben had executed the Kamino account damn near flawlessly, yet now he felt as though his efforts had been sophomoric. For the rest of his lunch, Ben hunched over his desk, brain racing, wondering how he might’ve done better.

Always second guessing himself in his effort to achieve everyone’s approval. 

Another couple hours later saw him still distracted with the same thoughts.

“Mr. Solo, I have a mission for you.”

Ben turned to find his immediate superior standing at the opening of his cubicle. 

Enric Pryde had worked at First Order Financials since the dawn of time. The guy was ruthless, but also a people pleaser, and nothing made him happier than pleasing Snoke.

“How can I help, Mr. Pryde?” Ben asked.

“I have some paperwork that needs ‘i’s’ dotted and ‘t’s’ crossed. Think you could use some fresh air?”

Ben would _love_ to get out of this stifling bubble.

“I would be happy to, sir.” 

“Excellent,” Pryde said, before producing a thick file from behind his back and shoving it into Ben’s fumbling hands. “I need you to take these to the CFO’s office of Niima Technologies. They’re in the Jakku Building. I believe you know where that is.”

A bucket of ice water could have been dumped over Ben’s head and he wouldn’t have felt colder. Panic seized in his chest.

“Um…”

“I need them back by end of business day, today. Thank you very much, Mr. Solo.” And with that, Pryde turned and was gone. 

~*~

The Jakku building was built in the 1920s, though during the 1980s, it had undergone a major reconstruction project. Now, it retained much of the art deco charm, but with a little bit more modern flare. 

Ben’s white knuckle grip on the file folder only grew tighter as he stepped into the main lobby. Off to his right, people scanned through turnstiles to access the rest of the building, while others queued up at the visitors’ desk to his left. That’s where he ambled to, quickly signing in and getting a visitor pass. Stepping through the turnstiles, Ben flowed with the crowd to the wide bank of elevators, but stopped before actually stepping onto one. 

While waiting, Ben looked over the building directory. Niima Technologies occupied the top half of the building, while the rest were law offices, doctors’ offices, and other businesses. He noticed with some surprise that Resistance Marketing, Finn and Rose’s company, occupied two floors as well. 

_Rey had to own the whole damn building_. 

Taking a deep breath, he skimmed to find the financial department of Niima Technologies. It wasn’t long before he smushed himself in the back corner of an elevator, soaring to the 18th floor.

The elevator was mostly clear by the time Ben made it to his destination. The doors slipped open, and he stepped into the entryway. Elevators made him anxious, always feeling too enclosed, too awkward. He took a steadying breath to shake the nerves. 

What even were the chances he would run into Rey on the 18th floor? The CEO’s office was on the 23rd, which Ben had made a point to find on the directory. 

Situational awareness, and all that.

A CEO had to be incredibly busy, right? Ben’s sure Rey wouldn’t have time to wander around… 

The financial department of Niima Technologies stretched wide with almost the entire floor an open space. Offices lined the perimeter, and there was no cubicle in sight. Plants sat or hung near windows, strategically placed lamps replaced harsh fluorescent lighting, and the din of voices hung in the air. 

The ambiance was _drastically_ different from the First Order, where conversations were few and stilted. They could only have so many personal touches to their desks, and there was a cubicle farm as far as the eye could see.

“Hello there, how can I help you?” A perky blonde asked from the welcome desk immediately in front of him. She wore a headset, a flowy blouse and an A-line skirt.

Ben stepped forward, showing his work badge. “Ben Solo from First Order Financials. I’m here to see the CFO.”

“Oh yes, Mr. Solo! Mr. Dameron told me to expect you. Give me one second…” The young blonde reached forward to the phone, pressing a button. It took a few seconds before someone picked up on the other end. 

“... Great, I’ll send him your way.” The woman said, hanging up with the flourish of a finger. “Mr. Dameron is available. His office is the one in that back corner.” 

Ben looked across the wide open space to where the woman pointed, and nodded. He murmured his thanks, and set out to traverse the financial floor. 

_Of course_ Poe Dameron was the CFO. 

If not for Ben’s bad luck, he’d have no fucking luck at all. 

Poe Dameron was not the person Ben wanted to see at that moment or any moment, really. Friday night’s dinner was enough moments for Ben. 

But apparently the universe wanted to take a giant shit on his head, and why not let it be in the shape of handsome fucking Poe Dameron. 

Ben ignored everyone around him as he took long strides to the corner office. Laughter swirled around him, and relaxed conversation. He harrumphed, and put on a tad more speed, hoping to get this grunt errand over with and back to his stuffy, depressing cubicle.

Poe Dameron’s office, as befitting a CFO, sat at a corner. All four walls of his office were made entirely of windows, which would have given Ben vertigo. But it afforded Dameron a fantastic view of Water Street below, and of the New York Skyline. It also gave him a view of his hard working employees. Dameron’s name and title were etched on the glass door, which sat open, allowing ease of access for anyone needing to speak to the CFO. 

As Ben neared, Poe looked over from the computer screen he’d been staring intently at, and grinned widely.

“Solo, hey!” Dameron exclaimed as he stood suddenly, sending the wheeled chair backward a foot or two.

“Uh, hi,” Ben greeted.

“I didn’t realize you’d be the one coming over. How funny is that, right? Come in, come in, can I get you anything to drink?” 

Poe rounded the desk, and coaxed Ben into the office with an enthusiastic wave of his arm. They clapped hands and shook briefly. Dressed impeccably in a designer suit, Poe looked more like a model than a businessman. 

_Fucking Poe Dameron_.

Poe motioned Ben over to a circular table that sat off to the side. The chairs were weird pieces of Ikea furniture, probably with names no one in this office could pronounce. Faced with the task of sitting on the chairs, Ben forgot _how_ to sit. 

Poe took one with ease, sitting with a flourish.

_Perfect Poe Dameron._

“I’m fine, thanks,” Ben said, responding to Poe’s hospitality. With awkward, stunted movements, he eventually situated himself on his seat, and for a brief moment he feared he hadn’t sat correctly in the chair. A vision of his feet going up over his head as he fell backward flashed across his mind. 

_Fuck it, whatever_.

“What’ve you got for me?” Poe said, glancing at the folder still clutched in Ben’s hand. 

“Enric Pryde, who normally handles your accounts, just needs you to sign a few tax documents. I’m not sure about the specifics, but…” Ben trailed off, sliding the folder across the table to Poe. Flipping it open, Poe began to scan the documents, soulful brown eyes inspecting the information. His head began to bob in several nods, processing the figures and numbers, and clearly agreeing with them. 

“Great!” Poe swirled out of the chair and back over to his desk for a pen. “Thanks for bringing these over, man. You know, it was a real pleasure to meet you at dinner the other night. Your family home is just gorgeous.”

 _Jesus, now Dameron wanted to make small talk?_

“Thanks. It was hard giving her up, but it’s not permanent,” Ben replied. 

“Yeah, yeah, man, of course,” Poe said around the scratch of pen on paper. 

As Poe finished signing off on the papers, Ben’s eyes scanned the floor, praying to whomever he wouldn’t catch a glimpse of Rey. Again, what were the odds she’d come down _here_ , at this _exact_ moment?

Yeah, he sure as fuck shouldn’t have wondered that into existence, because there she was, gliding around a conglomerate of desks towards Poe’s office, looking like the gorgeous, high-powered executive right out of his wet dreams.

Ben couldn’t look away. It was like one of those moments in a movie when a character made their grand entrance to a fanfare of music and slow-motion. 

Rey wore high-waisted, black and white checkered pants that accentuated her slim figure and the curve of her hips. She had a black turtleneck tucked into the pants, and a pair of black, high-heeled Louboutins completed the look. Her chestnut hair sat high at the crown of her head in a bun, with elegant curled pieces framing her face. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Ben breathed, squirming in his chair and nearly toppling over in the stupid ass European chair.

Rey stopped in the doorway of Poe’s office, hands on her hips. The expression on her face was difficult to read, but at least there was somewhat of a smile on those gorgeous lips. 

“Mr. Solo,” she greeted, accent causing goosebumps to prickle up his arms. 

“Ms. Niima,” he replied, scrambling to his feet. 

Another beat of awkward silence. 

“Benny Boy was just dropping off some paperwork. All taken care of.” Poe slipped the documents back into the folder, holding it out to Ben, who took it and tucked it under his arm. 

“Lovely,” Rey smiled. “I needed to get out of my office for a time. Thought I’d come down here to see if you wanted to get dinner later, Poe?” 

Ben swallowed, jaw clenched. 

“Yeah! How does sushi sound?” 

_Dumbass, she_ hates _sushi_. 

“Sounds perfect.”

Ben did the best he could to contain his shock. 

“Could I escort you to the elevators, Mr. Solo?” Rey continued. 

“You really don’t--”

“I’m headed that way. It’s no problem at all,” Rey interrupted, taking a couple of steps back, away from the door, a knowing smile on her face. 

Ben turned to thank Poe. They shook hands, and Poe bid him to come around anytime. Ben only nodded. 

_In your dreams, fly boy_.

Folder clutched tightly to his body, Ben walked alongside Rey towards the elevator. It was the most tense 100 and some feet Ben had ever trodden. 

When they reached the bank of elevators, he expected Rey to say goodbye then, and head elsewhere, back to Poe even. Instead, she pressed the down arrow, and waited with him. 

His gaze flitted everywhere but towards her. From the floor indicator at the top of the elevator, to the workers bustling about, to the tips of his toes… 

Neither of them said a word.

The elevator sounded, and the doors slid open. A few people disembarked, stopping for a moment to greet the CEO. Ben reached forward to hold the door, and casually tuned in. Rey, to no one’s surprise, spoke to them as if they were her most important employees. It was all genuine. That’s just how Rey was, and Ben could read in her employees’ body language that they _loved_ working for her.

The employees moved on, and Rey sashayed into the compartment. Ben hustled in, and the door closed, shutting them in. 

“I never expected to see you again,” Rey said softly, though in the enclosed space, her words seemed louder. 

Ben’s eyes slid shut, preparing himself for whatever turn this conversation would take. 

“I didn’t think I’d see you again either,” he replied. 

_Silence_.

“I’ve thought about it. Over the years. How I would react if I ever saw you again,” Rey continued. Ben resolutely kept his gaze forward, at the shiny bronze doors. He couldn’t glean anything from her tone or her words. His heart thudded faster and faster each passing moment. 

Ben kept silent, anticipation mounting. 

“I had myself convinced that I wouldn’t feel anything. That I would be totally indifferent. That I finally rid you from my mind and my heart.” 

_Silence_.

His dark hues watched the floor indicator descending rapidly to G. “And?” He asked, breathily.

 _Silence_.

Ben’s breath caught and held in his chest.

Rey sucked in a breath of her own, and for the first time since he’d seen her in his house, at that dinner party, she didn’t seem as certain. 

The elevator car stopped then, dinged, and the doors slid open. On instinct, Ben stepped out into the lobby, but whirled around to face her. 

To finally meet those gorgeous hazel eyes that had haunted him. 

Rey leaned in to hit the button for her floor. Just as the elevator doors closed again, whisking her away from him, Rey met his gaze. 

“I don’t feel as indifferent as I hoped.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I normally update on Sundays, but I was told by my way too sweet beta that the world needed to see this stat. As always, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! If you're looking for me, you can find me on Twitter at @JGoose753 or in the Writing Den on Discord.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a huge thank you to [ LadyofFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofFace) for betaing this chapter!
> 
> My first attempt at making my own moodboard. Very simple, but I'm pleased with it!

**_10 Years Ago…_ **

The heat of summer roasted Chandrila, driving everyone either to the community pool or inside to blessed air conditioning. 

Ben believed Dante to be wrong about the deepest circle of hell. It wasn’t frozen over. Oh no, because summer in this damn garage was like sitting on the edge of Satan’s fiery asshole. Sweat dripped down his neck in rivulets, under the collar of his coveralls, and down his spine. It beaded on his forehead, and soaked through the thick fabric at his underarms. 

_Regret_. That’s what he felt. 

Regret for not shearing his shaggy mane of ebony hair right off his damn head.

Regret for agreeing to work in his father’s garage during the hottest summer on record, before starting his adult job in the fall. 

Regret for not moving to Antarctica to live.

Meanwhile, Han Solo, infamous dashing rogue of Chandrila, had fucked off to Maine for the summer, where he chartered flights around the many islands dotting the Atlantic coastline. He hadn’t done this in years, but now that Ben was grown, Han took the summers to himself, his happy place in the air. Ben may be salty as fuck about it, but he was glad his father now took time for himself.

The metallic clang of a dropped wrench pulled Ben from his thoughts. He cringed, feeling that ring grate down his spine. _Fuckin’ heat_.

He glanced over at Wes, one of his father’s longest working employees. Wes met his eyes sheepishly, before bending back down to look under the hood of a Mazda. 

Shit, he couldn’t be annoyed. Not at Wes Antilles. 

Stepping away from a Toyota he had worked on all afternoon, Ben took refuge in the little back office, basking in what little air conditioning the unit offered. He unbuttoned the top of his coveralls, and shrugged out of them, relieved to be rid of the long sleeves. The white undershirt he wore was soaked through, but the little air conditioner that could puttered away, cooling him off enough to feel somewhat refreshed.

The sudden scrape of knuckles on the door startled Ben. Whiskey eyes looked out the windows into the garage, his stomach cramping at the sight of his visitor. Swallowing thickly, Ben motioned for the older man to come in, to take refuge in the slightly cooler office. 

“Young Solo, so good to see you.” 

“Mr. Palpatine. It’s been a while. Would you like to sit?” 

Sheev Palpatine lingered in the doorway for a moment, before nodding, and taking a seat in one of the beat-up vinyl chairs. The man stooped in his older age, with a shock of white hair, prominent nose, and yet an unwavering, deep voice that had spun many words of grandeur over the years. Sheev was an old family friend of the Skywalkers, though his mother had always used the term ‘friend’ loosely. When Ben’s grandmother, Padme, had been mayor of Chandrila, Sheev was there to act as advisor. Years later, when Leia became mayor, he acted in much the same capacity. Sheev had always been there, on the outskirts, giving his opinion whether anyone wanted it or not. He had ingratiated himself into their lives once his mother had passed. The jury was still out for Ben's opinion on the old timer. The man _did_ give rational and reasonable advice, but there was always some nagging feeling that made Ben uneasy. 

“I apologize for missing your graduation last month. I should like to have seen you wear the same robes your mother once wore,” Sheev said. “The old bones can’t get around like they used to.”

“I understand, sir. I do appreciate the generous graduation gift,” Ben replied.

Sheev had stroked a rather sizable check for Ben’s milestone. The money had gone into establishing his new life in Brooklyn, putting a hold on an apartment, buying some suits and other work clothes. 

The old man waved his hand about. “It’s no matter. Your mother would have wanted me to help. And I was happy to do it. You are ready to take up your position at First Order, yes?”

Ben nodded, standing awkwardly behind the old desk with his hands in his pockets. He hadn’t wanted to sit down, not wanting to invite the man to stay any longer than necessary. “I am. I’ve met with Mr. Snoke. I appreciate your help in getting the job. It’s an honor to work for such an esteemed financial institution right out of college.” 

“Again, your mother would have wanted me to help. It’s all I ever wish to do. To help.” 

The leering smile Sheev sent Ben’s way said otherwise. His father had many opinions on Palpatine, mostly that he was an opportunist, always looking for ways to get a leg up on competition, and to be the victor in all things. There were times Ben was inclined to agree.

“How is the garage faring?” Sheev continued.

An odd question. The garage was not something Palpatine had given much thought to over the years. 

“It’s fine,” he replied, though he had no idea. The financials were Han’s responsibility. 

Conversation continued for a few more minutes, and Ben walked the old man back to his old Buick. Sheev roared away, bumping on to the main drag and out of the center of town, to where his own old Victorian sat.

Ben couldn't begin to understand the point of Sheev's visit. Palpatine always had an agenda. What his agenda was this time, only Sheev knew, but it couldn't have merely been to check on Ben's well being?

Ben decided it was too damn hot to worry too much over it. 

Heat bugs shrieked from their hiding places in the nearby trees. The stillness of the day made the heat ten times worse, with no breeze to help. God, he felt sweaty and disgusting. He couldn’t wait for quitting time, and for the shower calling his name. 

Ben reached back for his coveralls, bringing the sleeves around his waist to tie and secure them. As he turned back to the open bay door to get the rest of the afternoon over with, something up the street caught his eye. 

At first, he believed her to be a mirage. A product of the heat melting the neurons in his brain, causing a complete shutdown of mental faculties. Blinking furiously, he hummed a sigh of curiosity when the feminine figure did not disappear. 

The young woman trudged up the street, coming from the direction of the town line. She wore a khaki pair of capris, a black t-shirt, and a pair of beat-up looking black Converse. Slung over her shoulder was a backpack. Her hair was up, and only when she got closer did Ben see it had been swept into a curious three bun style. 

Ben didn’t pretend like he knew everyone in town, but she was definitely _not_ a local. Perhaps it was the fact she looked frazzled and done with life, plodding along Main Street in the middle of the hottest day of the year. 

“Oh, thank God,” the young woman groaned when she caught sight of the garage's sign. She looked relieved, evident in the line of her delicate shoulders. She turned towards the big bay doors and startled when she noticed Ben standing there. She hadn't been expecting to see him about as much as he hadn’t expected to see her walking alone down the road. 

Ben could not say he had been more captivated by anyone in his life. It was instantaneous. So much that it frightened him. Their eyes met across the few yards between them, and that had been enough. 

“Hello,” she greeted, closing the distance. Though he had only heard her speak a few words, there was something about them that didn’t sound wholly American. 

“Hi,” he greeted dumbly. 

“Do you work here?” She asked, stopping a foot from him. Now that she was right here, he could see that her black t-shirt was an ode to Led Zeppelin’s _Houses of the Holy_ album cover. She also had a smattering of freckles across her nose, which was pixie-like, and along the apples of her cheeks. 

One delicately groomed eyebrow arched, expectant, and it took Ben a full thirty seconds to realize she had asked him a question.

“Oh, uh… yeah, I work here.” 

_Fuck_. 

Ben would never consider himself particularly smooth with the ladies. In college, he’d had a couple of girlfriends and a handful of hookups. He dated one girl for two years and thought maybe she’d been the one. But she broke up with him over winter break junior year, and Ben figured he’d just give up. He wasn't any good with relationships anyway.

 _Holy fuck, this woman was the most gorgeous being he had ever seen_. 

“H-How can I help you?” 

Yeah, the sun and heat definitely had fried his brain. 

“My car broke down just outside the town line. I think there’s something wrong with the carburetor. Or it could be the fuel pump,” the angel said. 

“Um, okay. Right.” And just like that, Ben’s forgotten everything he’s ever learned about being a mechanic. He turned, remembered he should probably say something to her, and whirled back around, no doubt looking like a fool. 

“Let me grab the keys to the tow truck, and we’ll go take a look.” 

Her face relaxed, her shoulders sunk in further relief. “Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.” 

~*~

Five minutes later, Ben guided the truck out of the lot, the young woman perched on the bench seat beside him. 

“I’m Rey, by the way. Thank you _so much_ for helping me.” 

“It’s no problem,” Ben replied, resolutely keeping his eyes on the road ahead. “I’m Ben.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Ben,” Rey replied. There was something in her voice he couldn’t identify, something soft and more than a normal pleasantry. 

Ben reached forward to switch off the radio, trying his best to go into customer service mode despite the fact his skin itched being in a confined space with her. It was completely mad, but there was something about Rey that affected him much more than the heat.

“You said you got to the town line before your car bit it?” He asked, taking a right turn to head towards the boundaries of Chandrila. 

“Yes, right by the welcome sign, ironically. I’m on my way into the city, and I got off the highway for fuel. My poor baby started shuddering, and making noises she shouldn't have been making.” 

Ben nodded and flicked on his signal light to take a left. “Like I said, we’ll see what we can do, but if you’re thinking carburetor or fuel pump then we’ll have to tow it in.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben could see Rey wringing her hands in her lap. Her back was ramrod straight; worry coming from her in waves.

“Everything okay?” He asked.

“I…” Rey sighed. “I don’t have a lot of spare money.”

“It’s okay,” Ben soothed. “We can work it out later, alright? Let’s just worry about getting your car up and running again.” 

Rey nodded, but Ben could still see and feel the tension in her body. A few minutes later, Rey pointed out her car, which was unnecessary considering there weren’t a lot of abandoned cars on the side of the road. Ben drove past the beat-up Chevy, U-Turned, and pulled in front of the car. 

Once under the hood, Ben got to work checking hose connections and for cracks and visible leaks. To his delight, Rey got right under there with him, babbling on about compressors and transmissions, proving right away she knew more than him. He found himself stopping and watching her as she spoke. Her accented voice -- British, he realized -- washed over him like honey, causing a warmth to settle in his bones that had nothing to do with the summer sun.

When Rey paused long enough to glance over at him, to see him staring, pink tinged her cheeks. 

“Oh God, I’m insulting your masculinity, aren’t I?” She joked, though there was an edge to her tone, as if she’d spent years proving herself and her knowledge, and that she actually didn’t give a fuck about his masculinity.

“Nope,” Ben shook his head, a few strands of hair falling into his eyes. Quickly, he looked away, trying not to embarrass her or himself anymore. “Impressed, actually. Not surprised, but impressed.” 

Whatever her reaction was to that declaration, he didn’t see. They bounced around a few more ideas, before they agreed on a theory, but wouldn’t know for sure until he got the Chevy back to the garage and on a lift. 

Ben got to work lowering the yoke of the tow truck and positioning it underneath Rey’s car. He hooked on the attachment and used the hydraulic lift to raise the front end. In no time, Ben and Rey were back in the cab of the truck and on the way back to the garage. They passed the time with idle chat.

“So you’re on your way into the city? NYU you said?” 

“Yes! I received special dispensation to move into the dorms early on the condition I assist the engineering department with research. I thought I’d also try and find a part-time job for the school year.” 

“I just graduated from NYU. Starting a job in financials in the fall.” 

“Good for you! I know it isn’t always easy to find a job right out of uni.” 

Ben learned Rey had driven from Virginia where she had grown up. She was tight-lipped about other details. He told her a little about his youth in Chandrila, and that the garage was his father’s. He found it so easy to converse with her. Rey cracked jokes, Ben laughed. Ben cracked lame jokes of his own, but Rey _laughed_. A _genuine_ laugh so real, it showed in the crinkle of her eyes, and the width of her mouth. 

Back at the garage, they got Rey’s car up on a lift. Normally, he didn't permit customers in the bays while cars were serviced, but Rey was different. She possibly knew more about cars than he did. Couple that with the ease in which they talked, Ben found them both tinkering around in the undercarriage. They eventually found Rey’s original theory to be correct: the carburetor was shot. 

“A part like that I probably couldn’t get here until later tomorrow. Then it’ll be at least the next day before we can replace it,” Ben winced, delivering the frustrating news.

Rey heaved a sigh. “I was afraid of this.”

They stood in the air-conditioned office. Her hands rested on her hips, a stubborn jut to her delicate chin.

“Is there a cheap motel in town?” Rey asked.

Ben’s lips pursed, thinking about Rey staying at the cheapest motel in town. The seedy one on the other side of Chandrila that stayed in business by sheer (probably black) magic. No, he couldn’t send her there. The other hotels or motels in Chandrila were too expensive for her shallow pockets. Before he could think better of the idea, Ben offered her another option.

“Look, why don’t you stay here? There’s an apartment above the garage. My dad had it converted before I was born. It was a place for him to go when he was on my mom’s shitlist. I’m staying here too because it’s better than being home alone. There’s plenty of room.”

Rey’s top teeth nibbled at her bottom lip. “I wouldn’t want to do that. I don’t want to be a freeloader, Ben…” 

“You wouldn’t. You can help me fix your car, and we’ll call it even.” 

“I don’t want to intrude--”

“Again, you wouldn’t be intruding. If you’re more comfortable, I can sleep at home and you can have the apartment to yourself.” 

“No, I couldn’t possibly,” Rey replied, wide-eyed. Ben could tell that wherever Rey came from, there weren't many people lining up to offer her help.

“Come on, Rey,” Ben urged. “This is an expense you weren’t expecting. You’re at NYU on scholarship, and you’re going to be looking for a job. Let me do this. No catches, just me helping.” 

Rey’s eyes glazed for a moment with tears, and Ben panicked. Before he could have a full-on freak out about causing her sadness, Rey blinked, tears gone and the stubbornness back in her jaw. 

“Okay,” she replied, her voice shaky for a moment. “I'll do what I can around the shop to earn my keep. I know my way around a garage. I practically grew up in one. _And_ , I will take you up on the use of the apartment, but you should stay. If you don’t want to be alone, then… stay.” 

This was probably the worst idea Ben could have, but it seemed the right thing to do. 

“Good. Besides, it's just a couple of days. Then you’ll be on your way to take New York by storm.”

~*~

A couple of days turned into a full week. The parts needed for Rey’s car were on backorder at the vendor the garage purchased from. 

By the end of that week, Ben knew Rey’s coffee order by heart, along with how she took her tea. He knew she loved working with her hands and was assuredly a better mechanic than he.

Rey had even charmed the town’s eccentric old lady, Maz Kanata, who owned the local diner. Maz had brought in her Lincoln for an oil change, and immediately struck up a cheerful conversation with Rey. Ben had never received that kind of warmth from Maz. All he’d ever gotten from the wide-eyed woman were complaints about his hair cut and how Leia would’ve wanted better for him.

Whatever that meant.

Ben had given up the bed and taken the couch. At first, it was nerve-wracking to be in a confined space with Rey, like he was some awkward teenaged boy. But Ben eventually calmed and didn't mind her presence. In fact, he found he immensely enjoyed Rey’s company. 

As they worked together on vehicles all that week, they learned more and more about each other. They even made plans for Ben to act as a tour guide in the city, helping Rey get acclimated to life at NYU. Who better to help than a recent graduate, right? Perhaps it was for selfish reasons too. At the end of each day, Ben got desperate to know more and more about Rey. Like an addiction. 

But he couldn’t _say_ anything. _Hell no_. 

They’d struck up a great friendship, finding an ease between them they both admitted they’d never found in anyone else. 

It was day three when Ben finally put his finger on it. 

They were two lonely souls calling out into the darkness, desperate to find belonging. Whether to belong somewhere or to someone, who knew? But they had found a deep connection between each other, to the point where they could eerily finish each other’s sentences. 

“No offense, Ben, but I think I should install my own part,” Rey informed him the day before she meant to finally depart for the city. The weather had calmed, and it was damn near comfortable in the shop. Ben had found Rey a pair of coveralls that were too big for her, but looked endearing all the same. It might've caused Ben a sleepless night or two.

She wore them now, the material streaked with grease and grime. Her chestnut hair was up in her three buns, and as usual, Ben’s heart squeezed every time he snuck a glance at her. 

“None taken,” Ben laughed. Rey was very protective of her car, and yes, a better mechanic. Ben was sufficient, he got the job done, but Rey treated it like an art form.

The afternoon waned into evening, and the shop had officially closed an hour ago. Rey was just about finished installing the carburetor. 

“You want Maz’s tonight?” Ben asked, standing at the front of her car with a clipboard in hand, making notes for the shop’s records. 

“Sure!" She called from beneath the old Chevy. “The usual, please.” 

In a week, he’d also memorized her preferred order from Maz’s. 

When Ben returned with the paper bag full of steaming, fried goodness and juicy cheeseburgers with all the toppings, Rey had the Chevy down off the lift and out in the parking lot. Just as he unfolded himself from his car, the Chevy roared to life, and he heard a victory cry from within. Ben grinned widely, but felt a bereft sensation sweep over him. Like his loneliness was returning. 

“Oh baby, I’ve missed you,” Rey cooed, after she’d hopped out of the car, stroking the chipping paint of the trunk. 

Ben’s heart squeezed again, a tiny part of him wishing Rey would speak to him that way. 

“The celebratory meal is here!” He called, tamping down the dour mood and motioning to the stairs on the side of the garage that led up to the apartment. 

They settled into their meal on the rooftop of the garage, a place they often spent time after a long day. There was a cheap set of folding chairs and a small circular patio table. It was a good place to watch the sunset, and see as many stars as they could.

“You know… this week has felt like the longest week of my life,” Rey said, once they’d worked their way through a ton of delicious, salty fries. Ben paused, a fry he’d snatched from her carton midway to his mouth. 

“I can’t tell if you feel that’s a good or bad thing,” he said. 

“Oh God, no, it’s a good thing,” Rey laughed, in that way that entranced him. Like wind chimes on a breezy day. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.” She took another minute to mull over her thoughts, smacking him on the hand when he tried to steal another fry. 

“I just…” And her tone became serious. “... This week has been one of the best weeks I’ve had in a very long time. It’s like… here I don’t have to worry about making it through NYU and keeping my scholarship. I don’t have to worry about making money, and where my next meal will come from. It’s just you and me… and a bunch of cars and good food.”

If Ben was the type, he’d be absolutely fucking preening right then. 

“I can’t remember the last time I’ve had this much fun,” Ben agreed. “I’ve got Hux and Phasma. We’ve had some really good times, but…” He trailed off, not sure how to finish that thought without sounding like a… well, a creep. 

“I know,” Rey said softly, and in the dying light of dusk, their eyes met and held. “It’s different.” 

Ben swallowed, and looked away, feeling oddly vulnerable under her gaze. 

“This isn’t the end,” she said, her voice its normal tone again. Rey sat back in the folding chair, absently patting her stomach. Yet another adorable habit. Ben hadn’t ever seen someone eat as much as she did, but from what little facts she’d given about her childhood, food was a luxury for her. “You’re going to show me around the city. We’ll see each other often… right, Ben?” 

Ben nodded vehemently, his shaggy hair swaying in his face. “Definitely. Gotta show you the ropes of living in the city. Can’t let it swallow you whole.” Ben joked. He _knew_ Rey could take care of herself. Had seen it first hand, day two, when she soundly dealt with a particularly lecherous ex-high school classmate of his. The other part of him, some deep down, primal instinct, urged him to keep her close, keep her safe, never let her leave his sight.

“It’s always good to have a local’s insight,” Rey smiled, the dimples in her cheeks appearing. Ben had to look away again. 

“Thank you,” she continued, voice soft again, quieter. “Thank you so much for everything, Ben. This really has been the best week.”

Ben felt a warm, slightly calloused hand rest on his shoulder. The touch sent a thrill down his spine. He tilted his head, looking over at her. There was a gentleness in her eyes, dare he say fondness? 

The week they’d shared truly had forged some sort of inexplicable bond between two complete strangers.

Smiling slightly, Ben raised his styrofoam cup of Coca Cola and toasted it against Rey’s. “To new beginnings.” 

“To new beginnings,” Rey echoed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! If you're looking for me, you can find me on Twitter at @JGoose753 or in the Writing Den on Discord.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a huge thank you to [LadyofFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofFace) for betaing this chapter!
> 
> My second attempt at making my own moodboard!

_I don’t feel as indifferent as I hoped_.

What the fuck did _that_ mean?

Rey couldn’t possibly…

Not after ten years…

Not after the way he’d ended things…

Ben agonized over those eight words for the rest of the day. He walked back to First Order in a daze, ignored Hux’s curious looks, and squirreled away in his cubicle. Thankfully, no one bothered him except for Pryde who came for the signed tax documents. Every so often, Ben caught a flash of reddish/orange as Hux tried to casually sneak by. Nosy.

 _I don’t feel as indifferent as I hoped_.

The words fucked him up for the rest of the week. 

Friday morning came, and with it a text message from Rose. 

_[Rose Tico-Storm] Hey Ben, hope your week’s been going well! Finn and I were wondering if you’d want to meet for a drink this evening? The Hux’s are coming..._

_[Rose Tico-Storm] Also are you any good at trivia?_

Shit.

Before his big thumbs had a chance to begin drafting an excuse not to go, Hux appeared. 

“Oh hell…” Ben muttered, astounded at Hux’s timing.

“Don’t even think about it, Solo,” Hux hissed in that very British way of his. 

“Do what?” Ben asked innocently. 

“ _You’re going_ ,” Hux said with such finality and confidence that he walked away back to his cubicle. 

“Fuck…” Ben sighed.

~*~

Ben had every intention to tell Hux to go shove his head up his ass, and politely decline Rose’s invitation. He was a full-grown adult with a full-time job and healthcare, with an apartment, and… fuck, he could make his own God damn decisions! 

Stepping into Mos Eisley Cantina that evening, Ben realized he too easily gave in to other’s demands. He was one of those “Yes” men. A people pleaser.

 _Fuck, how long since he’d given up his back bone?_

The Cantina was a big space for a Manhattan bar. Despite the waning hour, there weren’t many patrons. Ben let out a tiny sigh of relief. 

Until he saw he wasn’t the first to arrive.

Gathered around a large table were Finn, Rose, Zorii, fucking Dameron, and… of course, _Rey_.

Ben’s thoughts throughout the week had drifted to her. To their exchange in the elevator of the Jakku Building. 

_I don’t feel as indifferent as I hoped_.

None of the party had spotted him yet. Ben took that opportunity, and turned, meaning to make a quick escape. Hux and Phasma arrived at that moment, barring his getaway. 

“Ah, Ben!” Gwen grinned knowingly. Smoothly, she linked her arm under Ben’s and dragged him to the table. 

“Hey, they made it!” Poe shouted jovially, standing with his arms outspread in a welcoming gesture. 

To Ben’s horror, Hux and Gwen scrambled for the last empty seats next to each other, leaving the last free chair next to Rey. 

_Fuck, God hated him_.

Ben lowered himself nervously into the chair, sitting stiffly. He put his focus on Zorii, who occupied the chair on his other side. Thankfully, Poe had already grabbed Rey’s attention. Not that it mattered if they spoke or not, because his body had already tuned to hers, the dull, distant hum kicking up, vibrating in his veins. 

“Hi there, Ben,” Zorii greeted with a sweet smile. Its effects made Ben’s cheeks heat, and he returned it with a small smile of his own. 

“Hey, Zorii. Have a good week?” He asked. 

“It’s looking up,” she replied with a coy glint in her pretty, green eyes. It made Ben nervous. He was rusty at recognizing flirting… and accomplishing the act itself. 

A waitress swept up to their table, saving him for a moment. She grabbed the newcomers’ drink orders before disappearing again. 

“Hope you guys don’t mind this place,” Rose said. “It’s our favorite spot. Plus, Friday night is Trivia Night!”

Everyone at the table seemed thrilled… except for Ben. 

_Fuckin’ Trivia Night._

“We’ll enter with our usual team name. Feel free to hop in if you know an answer,” Finn encouraged as he scribbled the team name on a form to be submitted to the Game Master. 

“‘The Resistance’?” Ben asked Zorii. 

“We’re all huge fans of _Universe Crusades_ ,” she replied with a soft smile. “You watch the series?”

There was a snort from his right. 

“Yeah, right,” Rey laughed. “Ben’s a huge nerd for _Universe Journeys_.”

Ben’s heart leapt, his head wheeling around to Rey. She’d finally stopped talking to that perfect haired pretty boy. 

But more importantly… she’d remembered that he _despised_ _Universe Crusades_.

His cheeks grew heated when he noticed everyone’s quizzical gaze. 

“I mean… you just strike me as the type to prefer _Universe Journeys_ over _Universe Crusades_ …” Rey backpedaled, trying her best to cover her gaff. 

Finn returned to the table, clutching a different paper to record their Round One answers. 

“Alright, we’re all set. Beaumont’s gonna start in about eight minutes.” 

The waitress appeared again, dropping off beverage orders. She set Ben’s pint of lager in front of him last, then promised to return in a few minutes to take any food orders.

Rey’s outburst seemingly forgotten, everyone nursed their drinks and relaxed into their chairs, enjoying the end of a work week.

“You wouldn’t happen to have the blueprints to your house, do you?” Zorii asked Ben, the stem of her wine glass clutched in an elegant hand. 

“Actually, I think we do. Somewhere,” Ben replied. “My mom always kept amazing records. They’re in storage with the rest of our stuff. Did you want to look at them?”

Ben recalled that Zorii was an architect, and had an affinity for Victorians. 

“I’d love to, but if you’ve got them packed away, don’t worry about it.” 

“It’d be no problem at all. I can grab them the next time I make a trip to Chandrila.” 

At least _someone_ got a charge out of the old house. His mother always said the house was his grandfather’s pride and joy. Ben held foggy memories of his grandfather, who had died when Ben was young. Anakin Skywalker had been a family man, or so everyone said. He’d loved his wife and his kids with all his heart, and loved the Victorian just as much.

Zorii and Ben lapsed into more conversation. He found himself smiling and laughing. A feat in itself. He enjoyed Zorii’s bluntness, her toughness. Not to mention her humor, and the pride she took in her work. Another time, Ben could see himself being good friends with her. Maybe more. But he didn’t allow himself to entertain the idea of relationships anymore. Not even with the playful way she batted at his shoulder at a particularly horrible joke he’d made. Or the way she sneakily tried to steak fries off his plate. Or the way she looked at him, like maybe he could be desirable. Zorii was beautiful, driven, but he was broken. 

No, he’d never be good for anyone. Not anymore.

Halfway through Round Two, Ben had to admit he was having _fun_. Socializing was always a chore, but this group of people and their varying personalities made it, well… easy. 

Except for maybe Dameron. 

Okay, _maybe_ even Dameron, but he was just too _nice_ and _polite_ and _handsome_ and _well-liked_.

Ben contributed quite a bit to the trivia cause. He usually avoided any type of game, because he knew how competitive he could get. Like, super competitive. Embarrassingly competitive. And damn if he wasn’t showing this quirk by making a bit of a fool of himself. 

“‘What was the name of The Carpenters last studio album recorded before Karen Carpenter died?’! Come on, who the _fuck_ _care_ s?” He exclaimed, after the Game Master, Beaumont Kin, had asked the next question. 

“How _dare_ you impugn The Carpenters!” Gwen sneered, all but leaning across the table. Ben leaned back before she could make a grab for his throat. 

Hux’s face was a vibrant shade of red from laughing so hard. 

“They’re a hack duo from the 70s, Gwen! Also, I don’t see you jumping to answer the question!” Ben continued, hackles rising.

“Oh, Solo, you’re lucky you’re too pretty to murder,” his friend said, shaking her head. “‘We’ve only just begun’!”

“Oh, I’m about to be ‘on top of the world’ if you can’t answer this question,” Ben replied. 

The table howled in laughter.

“For your information, you _twat_ , the last studio album recorded before Karen’s _tragic_ death was called _Voice of the Heart_. Suck it, Solo!” 

Finn could barely scribble down the answer between his guffaws. 

Ben leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Aw Ben, don’t be mad you didn’t know the answer,” Rose crooned, as Ben’s bottom lip stuck out for good measure. 

“ _No one_ should know that much about _The Carpenters_ ,” Ben muttered. Hidden just beneath the surly exterior was a smile waiting to emerge. He couldn’t remember the last time he ribbed his closest friends. 

“I bet ‘rainy days and Mondays always get you down’, Solo,” Hux, that absolute fucker, said, matter of fact.

“Fuck right off, Hux,” Ben growled, flipping the ginger a middle finger. Hux made kissy noises towards him, and Ben huffed. 

The night continued. After another two rounds of trivia and even more rounds of alcohol, Ben -- admittedly -- had laughed more than he’d laughed in ages. 

At the end of Trivia Night, The Resistance had aptly tied with another group named The Empire, The Resistance’s canonically sworn enemies in _Universe Crusades_. A gift card was on the line, resting on them answering one final tie-breaker question. 

“For a $50 Mos Eisley gift card… in a car, what are the three main functions of transmission fluids?” Beaumont had a flare for the dramatic. He put the appropriate pauses where they needed to go for maximum effect.

Upon realizing the subject matter of the final question, Ben couldn’t have felt more smug. A brief glance over at The Empire team revealed just how much they sweated this question.

 _Plebes_.

The Resistance had it in the bag.

“Lubricate, clean, and provide hydraulic pressure.”

A softer, feminine voice echoed his words as he spoke them. For a moment, he’d forgotten he wasn’t the only mechanic at the table. In fact, he wasn’t even the _best_ mechanic at the table. Ben looked to Rey, who looked as unsurprised as he that they’d spoken in unison.

Finn quickly scribbled the answer on a fresh piece of paper, excited and looking very pleased. 

“Right, I forgot you’re not the only car nerd at the table,” Rose chuckled at Rey. 

Ben looked away from Rey’s mesmerizing hazel hues to find that Hux and Gwen stared at him shrewdly.

Finn rushed up to the Game Master’s table, handing in the paper. They waited on the edge of their seats while Beaumont looked over the slips.

“And the winner of tonight’s trivia challenge… The Resistance!” 

The table erupted in cheers, celebrating the win like they’d just won the Super Bowl or Stanley Cup. They were all on their feet. Poe put two fingers to his mouth to let out a shrill whistle. Finn high fived Rey and Rose. Zorii flung her arms around Ben, hugging tightly. Stunned, Ben tentatively returned the embrace. Pulling away slightly, Zorii grinned up at him, before pressing her lips to his cheek for a brief second. She released her hold on him with a sheepish grin.

 _Ooookay_...

Finn claimed the gift card and announced that it would be used to buy another round of drinks for the table. 

“None for me, thanks,” Ben interjected, feeling dizzy and flushed from his previous beers and the excitement of the trivia competition. “I’m gonna head out. Get back to Brooklyn before it gets too late.”

“Oh come on, Ben, don’t be a granny!” Gwen heckled. 

Ben snorted, as he stood. “It’s past Granny Ben’s bedtime. See you all later, thanks for the invite.” 

“We do this every Friday, barring scheduling issues. You should join us!” Rose said. “Clearly, you’re an asset to the team.” 

“Thanks, Rose, I’ll think about it. Night everyone.” There was a chorus of returned farewells as Ben made his way over to the register by the bar’s entrance. He settled his check with the hostess, and stepped into the clear, brisk New York night. 

Ben isn’t sure why he bothered to look up, but he did, hoping to catch even the tiniest glimpse of a star or two. No luck. Too much light pollution in the city. Stargazing was one of the few things he missed about Chandrila. A past time he’d enjoyed with Rey a time or two...

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he trudged up the sidewalk, mentally mapping out the nearest subway station for a train that would get him back to Brooklyn. The nearest one was his usual stop for work, which wasn’t far. 

“Ben!”

He froze, and slowly turned.

“You forgot something,” Rey said, holding out his peacoat. He’d not even realized he’d left it behind. The warm alcohol blanket he’d fostered all evening hadn’t alerted him to the chilled night air. 

“Shit, thanks,” Ben mumbled, shrugging on the jacket before the cold could settle into his blood. 

Neither immediately made to move away from the other. 

“Um… tonight was fun,” Rey said, shifting her weight from one Jimmy Choo to the other. She wore a long, tan coat that cinched at her trim waist. She had artfully wrapped a scarf around her neck, and her tawny hair fell in waves to her shoulders. A flush filled her cheeks, from the alcohol, cold evening air, and the exertion from rushing to meet his long strides. 

“Yeah. I had fun,” Ben replied. 

It seemed they couldn’t just turn away and leave. Held together by some magnetic force. Ben couldn’t get his legs moving, and neither could Rey. A thick tension hung in the air between them, damn near palpable. 

“What did you mean? By what you said?” Ben blurted. He blamed a combination of alcohol and her haunting words from Monday.

Rey rolled her eyes and sighed. “Really? You want to do this now?” Her arms crossed over her chest, a familiar stance. Defensive. On guard. 

Ben shrugged. “Why not? Now’s a good a time as any, right?” _Was it really though, Benjamin?_

“What does it matter what they mean, Ben? It was ten years ago.”

“It matters. Oh, I think it matters very much to both of us.”

“You know exactly what they mean,” she shot back.

 _I don’t feel as indifferent as I hoped_.

“I’d like to hear it from you,” he pushed.

“You’re so presumptuous, aren’t you? To assume that what happened between us still matters to me.”

“You remembered _Universe Journeys._ ”

Rey scoffed. “I remembered one thing about you. Stop the presses.” 

“I bet you remember more than that.”

Rey huffed, her breath misting in the air. Her eyes roved around somewhere beside his head, her jaw flexing in irritation. Another familiar mannerism. 

“It’s been _ten years_ , Ben. Again I ask, what does it matter?”

Ben could fool himself, but she couldn’t fool him. It mattered. It mattered to her as much as it still mattered to him. Despite the time lapse. Despite the distance (though they’d never really been _that_ far from each other). Despite the gut punching sadness and bereftness of it all. 

It still mattered. 

“You’re right. Of course you are. It’s the past. Leave it in the past. Kill it if you have to. Because that’s the _proper_ way to deal with it,” Ben grit through his sarcasm and clenched teeth.

“Oh. _Oh,_ Ben, that is _rich_ coming from you,” Rey hissed. “I see you are _still_ the king of avoidance, instead of actually, you know, _talking_ it out like a grown adult.”

“Fine. Let’s talk then,” his hands clenched at his sides, hurt curling in his chest, expression expectant. 

Rey always spoke the truth, never minced words. _Of course_ he didn’t talk things out. Ben Solo had grown up with parents that either argued or tip-toed around each other instead of dealing with the root of the issue. He’d never had a healthy example of working through one’s feelings, or using words to express them. Not that that was an excuse… 

“Your ego is astounding.” Rey shook her head. “ _You_ ended it. What makes you think you have any right to make assumptions about what I’m thinking or feeling? You gave up any right to that ten years ago. When you allowed the voices on your shoulder to make decisions for you.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Come on, Ben. Can you tell me one single, solitary decision you have made that was _your_ decision?”

Panic welled in his gut. Had he not thought of this at the beginning of the night. Now, it was more real than ever. A truth he’d always known, but never admitted to. _The voices on his shoulder_.

“You can’t, can you?” She asked, after his silence hung for too long. Ben hated the pity in her tone. “Your godmother. Palpatine. Your father. Hell, I bet your current boss.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. All the decisions I’ve made in my life have been mine.” Even as he spoke the words, Ben could feel the lie.

“No, Ben, they haven’t. I mean, yes, ultimately you’ve made and carried out the decision. But not without persuasion. Not without outside influence. The garage, NYU, your major, your job… everyone has made those choices for you.” 

Ben’s hands clenched at his sides, his jaw ground down to the point of pain. 

“I’ve been happy to--”

“No. Stop. You can’t tell me that it has been your life-long dream to own your father’s garage.”

_Well…_

“You can’t tell me that NYU and a Business degree were your hopes and dreams. Palpatine helped you get into First Order. How did they convince you it was the right thing for you, Ben? To get you to do what _they_ wanted… They told you it was what your mother would have wanted. That’s how they snared you. That’s how they molded you to be what they wanted you to be. Your godmother for some misguided reason to carry on your mother’s memory. Palpatine for his own ends. Did you stop to think that your mother, whom you always spoke so lovingly about, would have wanted what _you_ thought was best for _you_? As long as it made you happy, she would have been happy.”

A coldness Ben hadn’t felt since he was a teenager climbed up his spine and spread through his limbs, chilling him to the marrow. Hot tears welled in his eyes, to the point that Rey blurred, before he blinked to free the droplets. He swiped at them furiously before they could roll down his cheeks. 

He felt… angry. He hadn’t felt this angry in such a long time. Ben believed he’d locked away that part of himself. 

But he wasn’t angry at Rey. He could never be angry at Rey. He was angry at himself for knowing the truth, but never doing anything about it. 

Ben didn’t remember what he did with this anger as a child, so he did the first thing he could think, and lashed out at someone he loved. 

“What would you know about what parents want for their kids?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to die. Hurt bled into Rey’s eyes, but it was gone in a flash, anger replacing it. 

“Fuck you, you absolute nob.” But she didn’t walk away like she should have, because now Ben can’t stop the rest of the anger from erupting. 

“What? Like you fuck your CFO? _Sushi_ , Rey? You _hate_ sushi!” 

Rey was furious. Her cheeks were red from more than the cold air and alcohol. “You _do not_ get to talk to me that way, Ben Solo. _Fuck_ , you’re such a child. People change, Ben. Tastebuds too. Sushi, when you find the right restaurant, can be quite delicious.” 

“ _Poe_ taught you that, huh?”

Rey snorted. “Oh my God, Ben. I _cannot_ fucking believe this. You have absolutely _zero_ right to be jealous of who I may or may not be fucking. You don’t see me making useless swipes at you about Zorii.”

Ben let out a derisive bark of laughter. “Ha! Zorii?”

“Yes! Since you’re taking cheap shots, so will I. You were practically hanging all over each other for most of the night! But… you gave up any right to make judgments a long time ago, remember? When you pushed me away? Despite all we... “ Rey trailed off, her words catching in her throat. “... despite the summer we shared. The best, and the _worst_ , summer of my life.”

He can’t help the hopeless laughter. It bubbled in his throat and burst forth. Ben turned away for a moment, raking his hand through his hair again, trying to contain just how fucking heartless and crazy he sounded.

“I should’ve known that this wouldn’t go any other way,” Rey spoke softly. “You’re still so lost, Ben. Perhaps now more than ever. And it’s not my responsibility to help you find your way.”

Ben turned back to face her, though he couldn’t look her in the eye. His gaze trained to the ground, focusing on a crack in the sidewalk. The laughter abated, the anger too, now it was pure shame. 

“I suppose I should thank you, Ben.” Rey continued. “The heartache from that summer fueled my entire college career and my drive to establish Niima Technologies. It made me prove to myself and everyone that I could be something. _Someone_. And now I am. And you… you are nothing to me, Ben Solo.”

His heart clenched. And that was it. The final nail in his coffin. The final blow to what was left of his heart. It would have been less painful if she’d taken her high heel and stabbed him in the chest with it. His tears poured freely now, and he saw a few roll down Rey’s cheeks. The little droplets of water skirted along the flesh he’d adored years ago, having once peppered them with a kiss for every freckle she had.

“You’re right.” His voice cracked, smashing against the rock wall of his emotions. “I am nothing. I’ve always been what people have made me. For a miniscule fucking moment that summer we shared… I didn’t feel like nothing. I felt like everything. With _you_ I felt like _everything_. And then I fucked it up. I made a choice not my own because I didn’t know my own mind. Now I’m paying for it.”

Rey’s lips parted, but they quickly closed. He didn’t blame her for not wasting her breath on what she might’ve said. 

“Good night, Rey. Get home safely.” 

Ben turned. His entire body was numb to the cold around him. He couldn’t feel his hands, so he shoved them into his pockets for warmth. It didn’t matter. Nothing short of taking a swim in a lava pit would melt the ice in his veins. Urging his feet to move, he quickly walked up the street to the subway station, walking the sad walk of a man who was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cookies and all my love to anyone that catches the briefest of quotes I stole from _Persuasion_.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I didn't update last week, of that I apologize. I was miserably sick and didn't feel much like writing. BUT... I have returned with a DOUBLE update for you! 
> 
> AKA
> 
> This one chapter got so out of hand that I had to split it. Which means, the chapter count for this will go up at some point. 
> 
> I DEFINITELY lifted a quote from _Persuasion_ that I felt really fits Reylo. It's perf.
> 
> Also, bit of a warning... some mentions of abuse. Rey talks about her past...
> 
> As always a huge thanks to [ LadyofFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofFace) for betaing this chapter!

_ 10 Years Ago… _

To new beginnings indeed.

Two days after Rey left Chandrila for the city, Ben arrived at her dorm bright and early, an itinerary already mapped out in his head. 

Rey stumbled out of her dorm and onto the sidewalk, yawning but somehow looking refreshed and excited for the day. 

Ben grinned. “Morning, sunshine.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she grumbled, before looping her arm through his, and heading up the street. “You better make this worth it, Solo.”

“Don’t worry… I’m a natural tour guide. This’ll be the most thrilling day in New York you’ll ever have.” 

Rey snorted. “You bring me breakfast?”

“Nope,” Ben replied. “But don’t worry. I’ve got our meals planned too, starting with breakfast. I’m introducing you to the best bagel shop you’ll find close to campus.”

Ben most definitely did not delight in the way Rey sipped at her coffee and devoured the bagel and shmear. He most definitely did not take notice of the flavor of bagel to file away for later. He most definitely did not hang on every single little pleased sound she made as she stuffed her face. 

“You don’t mind a walk, do you?” Ben asked as they stepped back into the warm New York morning.

“Not at all. I’ve already resigned myself to the fact that you’re going to wear me out tramping around the city,” Rey chuckled. 

“I’m not gonna torture you, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Ben teased, leading the way down the street.

“Noooo… I would  _ never _ think that of you!”

“Come on, smart ass… we’re going to get you acquainted with Lady Liberty…” 

It was nearly an hour walk to the ferry to Liberty Island, but worth it to see the look on Rey’s face as they boarded and cast off. Something warm, and now familiar, settled in his chest as he watched her basking in the sun, wind flowing through her hair. 

The last time Ben was this close to the statue, he’d been on a middle school field trip. His dad chaperoned, but they hadn’t been able to ascend to the crown because of maintenance and restoration. Now, though, Ben had taken advantage of the availability, and reserved their chance to see New York from a different vantage point. 

Worth it by the stunned and nearly euphoric look on Rey’s face when they reached the top. The New York skyline never looked so beautiful. 

“This is… amazing, Ben,” Rey breathed. “Thank you, this is… this is the best.” 

“We’re just getting started,” Ben promised. 

The rest of the day passed far too quickly for Ben’s liking. They left Liberty Island to partake in a nearby shawarma place, then headed for Ellis Island. Rey seemed to enjoy the history of the landmark, and delighted in the part of the exhibit where visitors could sit and search records for family names. 

“Let’s try… Solo…” Rey hummed, fingers flying expertly across the keyboard.

Ben chuckled. “You don’t need to look it up, I can tell you--”

Rey waved him off, scrolling through countless names with their country of origin and the name of the ship they arrived on. As she scrolled, Rey looked from Ben’s face back to the computer screen over and over, staring critically at his features. It was unnerving, to say the least. There was something about her gaze… it made him feel stripped bare, vulnerable. 

“You look like you could be related to Jan Solo from Russia…” Rey declared with a smile. Ben laughed.

“I had to do a project in middle school about my family tree, right? So, I asked my dad about his family. We’ve got information about my mom’s all the way back to the friggin’ Massachusetts Bay Colony, so I didn’t care much. Anyway, my dad couldn’t tell me much past his grandfather, who came into Ellis Island by himself from Ireland. According to his father, Solo was not his original last name. Probably tried to reinvent himself or something. I’m only a third generation Solo.” 

“Wow…” Rey said, her chin rested on her palm. She’d listened raptly, and there was something lingering in her eyes. Something akin to… loneliness? Yearning? Jealousy?

“Type in your last name, see what you get,” Ben coaxed.

“Um… no, I’m good,” Rey said, hurriedly exiting to the main search screen. She was up out of her seat before Ben could blink. “I’m hungry… it’s about dinner time, isn’t it?”

Strange. 

Ben stood, deciding not to push the subject. 

Rey was subdued for the rest of the evening, spirits only perking when Ben led her to the highest Yelp rated dim sum restaurant in the city.

“Once again, Solo, you spoil me,” Rey sighed. She sat back in her chair, tea clutched in one hand, the other patting her stomach. Ben had never seen anyone pack so many dumplings away. Truly awe inspiring. 

“Just introducing you to the delights of the city,” Ben shrugged, taking a sip of his own hot tea. 

“I’m getting dinner, by the way.”

“Rey, you don’t--”

“Not up for negotiation. I’m not completely destitute. I  _ can _ pay for dinner.” 

Though Ben had only known Rey for a week, he’d learned quickly to not fight her on such matters. 

“Today has been so much fun, Ben, thank you,” Rey grinned, and Ben decided that his body could be fueled by Rey’s smiles alone. 

“It’s not over yet.”

~*~

“Benjamin, you do know I’m not legal to drink in the States…” 

“Oh, I know. But I also know that Duncan’s behind the bar tonight and Duncan thinks any college kid is legal.”

“Are you going to get me kicked out of a bar, Ben Solo?”

“Never. I would never lead you astray.”

McSorley’s Old Ale House was packed at this time of the evening, but then again, it always was. Established in the 1850s, McSorley’s earned the credit of America’s longest running bar. It had been a staple of Ben’s Friday nights during his NYU days, and about half the staff didn’t bother checking IDs. 

Ben, with Rey’s hand clutched in his, guided them through the throng of people. It was noisy as hell, but that added to the charm. Thanks to his large frame, Ben muscled his way easily up to the bar, giving Rey a spot close to his side. Sure enough, there was Duncan. 

“Solo, I didn’t think I’d see you again so soon! Congrats are in order, am I right?” The middle aged Irishman greeted as he and Ben clapped hands across the bar. 

“Thanks, Duncan. Can’t believe how quickly it all went.”

“Tell me about it. Seems only yesterday you were a wee lad, flanked by that ginger and blonde Amazon, tryin’ to get away with shite. I was only happy to oblige your delinquency.” 

Ben laughed. “Think you can pick up the mantle with my friend’s delinquency? She’s starting in the fall.” 

“Hello! I’m Rey, pleasure to meet you,” she jumped right in, holding out her hand.

“Oh… oh my… your accent makes me a bit homesick,” Duncan greeted, shaking her hand. Ben could practically see the hearts in his eyes. “You’re of legal age in the only place where it counts, young Rey.”

Rey laughed.

“So then, lass, shall it be light or dark beer for you tonight?”

~*~

Ben and Rey cackled with laughter, remembering something Duncan had said, as they made their way around the block to Rey’s dorm. The night had finally come to a close. McSorley’s say a mere hop, skip, and a jump from NYU’s campus. Dangerous for Ben’s weekends in college.

“This has been the  _ best _ day, Ben, thank you,” Rey said, halting in front of the main entrance to her dorm. 

“I’m glad you had a good time. Look, I know I’m your tour guide, but if you want to do anything specific, let me know. I’ll make it happen.” 

“I’ll do some research.” 

Though they had talked all day, silence hung between them now. She looked almost bashful in the light of the lamps hanging from the building. 

“Um--”

“Uh--”

They laughed again.

“So… uh… you just let me know when you want to hang again, and we’ll figure it out?” Ben offered.

Rey nodded. “Yes. This week I’m busy with this research project I’m working on but, my weekends will be free.” 

“Perfect,” Ben said, delighted. “I’ve got the garage to look after, so we can have our weekends free for shenanigans.” 

Rey laughed. “Alright, well, text me when you get home safe.

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Rey turned, her student ID poised to scan at the door. She paused. Turned. And before Ben knew what was happening, Rey had pressed a sweet, quick kiss to his cheek, then disappeared into the building. 

Stunned, Ben headed for his car in a daze, fingers grazing against the spot that still burned from her lips.

Did friends kiss each other on the cheek? 

Gwen did, only on rare occasions. But none of them had felt like the press of Rey’s lips. None of them were as warm or… as meaningful? 

Ben pondered this as he walked up the street to the student parking deck. Luckily for him, his parking pass from the previous school year hadn’t expired yet. 

The shrill ringtone of his beat up LG enV interrupted his thoughts. Pulling it from his pocket, he couldn’t help the chuckle when he saw that the caller ID flashed ‘Han.’ 

“Hi, dad.” 

“Son,” Han greeted. 

“How’s Maine?”

“Beautiful. You should come visit.”

“How can I do that when I’m supposed to be in charge of your shop?”

“Wes can look after the shop for a few days.”

“Sheev came by the other day…” Ben swiftly the subject.

“What did that old bastard want?” Han asked. 

“To check in.” 

“Sure that’s all he wanted,” Han scoffed. “I never could figure out why your mother kept him around.”

“He’s always been supportive of me, though.” 

“Mmhmm.” Han hummed his skepticism. 

“You okay?” Ben pressed. It wasn’t often Han called to check in. Maybe an email to assure Ben he wasn’t dead. 

“Yeah. I just… wanted to check on you. Make sure you’re okay. I know I just up and left you for the summer…” 

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine, dad. It isn’t like you’ve done this before.” 

Silence. 

“Right, well, I’ll be back in August to help you move. I’ll call in another couple’a weeks. Later, kid.” 

The line went dead before Ben could respond. 

~*~

The next weekend saw Rey and Ben at the top of the Empire State Building. Rey admitted she preferred the view from the Statue of Liberty. Ben had to agree. 

They then walked around Times Square. Rey’s hazel hues glowed by the lights of the giant screens, projecting ads for businesses and Broadway plays. The Naked Cowboy amused her in particular, and the other street performers delighted her. 

There were moments when Ben wished he could view the world through Rey’s eyes. She looked at everything with such wonder. She looked at everything  _ deeper _ , below the surface, to the heart of it. 

Ben often found himself wondering what made her so…  _ alive _ . In her 18 years, what had caused her to keep the vivaciousness of a young kid, still learning about the world? 

Ben realized he didn’t know much of Rey’s past, as she’d kept specifics vague. She’d shared so much about herself with him, but the details she seemed reticent to share. After the incident with the records search at Ellis Island, Ben didn’t want to bring it up. 

But now… now he wanted to  _ know _ her. Know her in a deeper way than he already felt he did.

“So…” Ben began, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. Ben was as subtle as an elephant in a library. “What part of England were you born in?”

They meandered down a street, no rush to get anywhere. They’d just eaten lunch, and walked to digest. 

“Oh, uh… London,” Rey replied, offering no more information than that. 

“That’s cool. What was London like?” 

“Don’t really remember much of it, to be honest. I came to the States when I was nine. Lived in Virginia with my adopted father until a couple of weeks ago. Now I’m here.”

Again, vague. Minimal detail. She knew damn near everything about his childhood, but he didn’t know much more about hers. 

“What was it like in Virginia?” Ben hedged, pushing just a little further. 

“It was fine,” she replied with a shrug.

_Ooookay_.

“I’ve never been to Virginia, I bet it’s--”

“Can we just… can we not talk about it? There are so many better things to discuss.” 

Ben glanced over. There was an expression on her face he hadn’t seen before. True agitation. Panic. Vulnerability.

“O-Okay, yeah… of course…”

They spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Ben was a secret history nerd, and apparently, so was Rey. Ben loved that she lingered longer in his favorite area, Medieval art. 

“I  _ love _ the Anglo-Saxon period,” Rey gushed as she admired a cloak brooch. “Seven kingdoms.  _ Beowulf _ . Invading Vikings. Unified England. Sword fighting…” 

“I’m more of a Frankish Empire kinda guy,” Ben replied, peering into a glass case at a rusted ancient sword hilt.

Rey snorted. “I bet you love William the Conqueror then.”

“I do like me some William the Bastard. His wife was a badass.” 

“Not many people could match Matilda, I suppose.”

Ben watched her closely again while she examined a case of various items dug up from a burial site. He watched the critical glint in her eye, no doubt crafting an idea of who exactly might’ve used the items. Her nose scrunched in thought, hands braced against the lip of the case. 

“No, not many could for that time, I’m sure,” Ben mused, thinking if this were a different time and place, Rey would be just as influential and strong a figure as Matilda of Flanders.

After nearly closing the place down, Rey and Ben began the trek back across Manhattan. On the way, they stopped for a quick bite to eat, then continued on. 

“I’m sorry for… for pushing you… earlier,” Ben finally broke down. The guilt had been eating at him most of the day, feeling like he’d flipped a wrong switch between them. Rey sighed.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Ben. I just… don’t like to talk about my past. Especially now that my present and my future look so… hopeful.” 

And he knew, without needing to hear it, that he was instrumental in this new outlook on life. It made the guilt dissipate ever so slightly. 

“Right. I, uh, I’ll shut up about it.” Ben forced a small smile.

Rey didn’t respond, but instead met Ben’s gaze. Once more, he felt like she was digging into the recesses of his psyche, exposing him with golden-green hues. 

“Oh!” Her eyes widened in remembrance. “I nearly forgot! I have something for you.” She turned to scan her card in the dorm door, and opened it. “You coming?” 

“Er… should I?” Ben looked warily into the darkened dorm lobby. 

“Ben,” Rey rolled her eyes. “It’s summer. The only people in this dorm are me and a bunch of graduate researchers. It’ll be fine. I  _ am _ allowed visitors.”

Once the door shut behind them, the silence of the building closed in. The entryway only had a few lights on, conserving electricity. 

“This way,” Rey bade, heading for the elevator hallway. Pressing the ‘up’ arrow, Rey tapped her foot as they waited. The elevator dinged and the doors screeched open.

Ben swallowed thickly. 

As they stepped into the enclosed car, the overhead light flickered once, twice, and a third time before stabilizing. 

Ben hated being in enclosed spaces for long periods of time, but withstood elevator rides as an evil necessity.

The pulleys whirred and clanged above them as they ascended to Rey’s floor. Just as they were nearly there, the elevator shuddered to a slow halt, and didn’t move again. 

“Oh you have got to be kidding me,” Rey griped.

“Shit.  _ Fuck _ .” Ben hissed at the same time.

Rey mashed her finger against the button she’d pressed for her floor. Nothing happened. She pressed other buttons, and nothing happened. Ben, who had been watching the number panel above the door like a hawk, knew they were currently wedged between floors. And it seemed they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. 

“Fuck,” he breathed. 

Rey growled in frustration, pressing the emergency call button. It took exactly five long, agonizing minutes for someone to answer (Ben knew, because he’d been counting the seconds in his head). 

Thank Christ one of them was of sound mind, because Ben was pretty sure he was going to lose his shit. Rey went back and forth with the disembodied voice on the other end, and got exactly nowhere when they tried something remotely. 

“We’re going to have to call the fire department. Sit tight.” 

Then the voice was gone and there was silence.

Sweat crept down the back of his neck. His palms began to feel damp, and his breathing ragged. Ben took a few steps backward, meeting the side of the elevator car.

Rey continued to rant. Something about this being a dorm filled with engineers and no one would think to make sure the elevator maintenance was up to date. Or, better yet, design a new system for the elevator. 

Ben only heard about every other word as he slid down the wall, butt colliding roughly with the floor. He tried very hard not to think about what undergraduates had gotten up to in this elevator. What could be coating the cheap, 70s linoleum… 

“... I mean, seriously, can you believe this, Ben?” A pause. “Ben?”

When she didn’t get an answer, Rey turned, eyes widening when her gaze didn’t immediately meet his chest. Until she looked down. 

“Ben!” She cried, crossing the very small space between them to kneel at his side. “What’s wrong? Talk to me, please.”

“N-Nothin’,” he breathed, just as a flop sweat broke out across his forehead and neck. “Just a little… a little claustrophobic.” 

“Hey, it’s alright. We’ll be out of here in no time. Just take deep breaths with me, okay?” Rey said, her voice soft and so soothing. “In… and out…” 

She coaxed him through a few more deep breaths, until Ben felt himself relaxing a little, his heart rate decelerating to something akin to normal speed.

“I didn’t know you were claustrophobic,” Rey spoke, her voice a whisper. 

“Only when trapped in a small space,” Ben tried to joke. 

Rey shifted, sitting next to him, their sides touching from shoulder to thigh. She reached over, grasping his sweaty hand, but it didn’t seem to bother her as she entwined their fingers. 

If not for this bitch of a situation, Ben would be fucking over the moon to have Rey’s hand in his. Her smaller hand slotting perfectly into his larger hand.

“This is kind of funny, when you think about it,” Rey chuckled.

“How?” He croaked.

“Because… we  _ are _ in a dorm of engineers, yet the fucking elevator is faulty.”

Perhaps it was the direness of the situation, but Ben huffed a laugh. Then grunted another laugh. And again, his head thrown back in an all out giggle, until both he and Rey had dissolved into a hysterical fit of laughter.

With his free hand, he batted away the fat tears of amusement that rolled down his cheeks. When he opened his eyes, it was to see that in their hysteria, they’d turned their heads toward each other, like magnets.

Warm, whiskey brown met golden hazel. Their laughter subsided.

There was an expression in Rey’s eyes Ben couldn’t identify. But, instinct told him to hope. 

“Ben…” She breathed, in that accent that made his knees feel weak. 

He blinked, expecting this to be a dream, or a hallucination, one that would disappear in an instant. But it didn’t.  _ She _ didn’t. 

Rey leaned in, closing the minimal distance left between them, pressing her lips to his in a chaste, almost hesitant, kiss. Ben held his breath, eyes wide, waiting for her to pull away, explaining away the action as a mistake. 

Rey did pull away, but only just. Her eyelids fluttered open. Ben saw hope in those depths, not to mention flecks of blue he’d never noticed before. He also saw worry. Maybe she wondered if she had done the right thing? Maybe she wondered if he didn’t feel the same?

Like. Fucking. Hell.

Ben didn’t know who closed the distance first, hell maybe they both did, simultaneously, but their lips met again. This time with a little more pressure. This time a little more hurried, a little less hesitant, but so much more sweet.

His fingers grazed against the softness of her cheek, before his palm cupped her face in his giant paw. Their lips slid against each other more confidently with every ticking second. It was like getting a taste of ambrosia from Olympus and instantly being lost to insanity. Kissing Rey felt like coming home, like a hurricane, like the quiet of a summer night spent looking at the stars, all rolled into one intense and frightening feeling. 

Bells and whirs sounded in his head, another side effect of kissing Rey, Ben thought. Until the elevator doors screeched open and two of FDNY’s finest peered in.

The night of the elevator, Rey gave him two things: a happiness he’d never experienced, a newfound sense of belonging… and a bobblehead doll of his favorite Yankee, Derek Jeter.

~*~

“What has got you so smiley, Benjamin?” Amilyn grinned widely. “There’s something… very different about you.” 

Ben was currently on a break from the shop, trying to soak in less stagnate, hot air. The temperature had skyrocketed over the past couple of weeks, making it even more unbearable to work in the garage. 

“Can’t imagine what you mean,” Ben replied, crawling from underneath Amilyn’s kitchen sink to grab a different wrench from a tool bag he’d found in her garage. 

“You’ve not stopped smiling since you came through the door, Ben,” Amilyn replied, mock stern. 

Okay, maybe Ben  _ was _ smiling, and remained smiling as he ducked back under to tighten a bolt.

“There we go. You should be leak-free now.”

Was he deflecting? Maybe…

“Ben…”

Amilyn was not having any of it.

“Can’t a guy smile?” He hefted himself up off the floor, closing up the tool bag to put back where he’d found it. Ben winced when he saw a grease spot on his hands he’d missed when washing them earlier. 

“Sure, but you? I love you, Ben, but you’ve always been a broody boy. And you’re an equally broody man.”

Ben snorted. 

“It’s a girl, isn’t it?”

Ben choked.

“Wh-What? What gives you that idea?” 

“Ben… I’m not a nun. I’ve seen things. Experienced things--” 

“Ooookay, Auntie A, you can stop right there,” Ben laughed nervously, feeling his cheeks flushing. 

“All I’m saying is if you don’t want to talk about it, fine. At least be safe.”

“Amilyn! Please,  _ God _ …” 

~*~

“I’ve never seen you this happy, young Solo. Is there something I should know about?” 

“Nope. Just having a good summer is all, Mr. Palpatine. No need to worry.”

The air conditioning unit worked overtime in the corner as Ben sat behind the worn desk in the garage’s office, and Sheev in one of the vinyl chairs. The old man had decided to pay yet another visit, the fourth this summer and they were only halfway through July. 

“There’s only one thing that would put a look like that on a man’s face… a woman.” 

God dammit, how did these people see right through him?

“Well, I--”

“Just be careful, young Solo.” 

“Why should I be careful, Mr. Palpatine?”

“As you know, I myself married once, but she left us, God rest her, so long ago. Women can be… very fickle creatures. They have a way of clouding the mind, and discouraging ambition.” 

Ben’s eyebrows rose, lips parted in protest. “No, it’s not like that--”

“It is simple advice, young Solo. You may take it or leave it, but just know… emotional attachments are a waste of time. They leave you weak and vulnerable.”

Ben’s molars ground together. “Your advice is noted, Mr. Palpatine.”

~*~

“I swear, this is like all the rom-coms I’ve ever watched,” Rey giggled.

Ben had arrived at her dorm room the Saturday following Palpatine’s visit, with a blanket and a picnic basket. 

They stretched out across the blanket in the early afternoon sun, munching on the sandwiches and lemonade Ben had made. 

“I’m not breaking out into a musical number, if that’s what you’re expecting,” Ben joked.

Rey laughed. “Oh God, no. Don’t forget, we shared that small apartment above the garage for a week. I’ve heard you sing in the shower.”

Ben gaped. “How dare you,” he breathed, one big palm pressed to his sternum. “I am a  _ phenomenal _ singer. That’s just…  _ so _ insulting, I don’t even know what to say.” 

In retaliation, Ben jerked across the blanket at her, his calloused fingers digging gently into her sides. Rey shrieked, writhing away from the onslaught. 

“No! Ben! STOP! PLEASE!” She gasped between fits of laughter.

“That’ll teach you to insult someone’s singing!” 

A beat later, they were sprawled on their backs, shoulder to shoulder, pointing out the shapes they could see in the clouds. 

In the beginning, any stretch of quiet between them unnerved Ben. Now, it was comforting. Comforting to know you didn’t need to speak to enjoy the other’s presence.

“I was born in Oxford.” 

Ben almost hadn’t processed the softly spoken sentence.

“What?” He asked, turning his head to her, his hair falling into his eyes. 

“I was born in Oxford. Near the university. My parents were professors there. They… they got into a car accident when I was eight. They both died.” 

Ben didn’t say a word. He enveloped her hand in his, and held tightly. Her tone, the tenseness of her body-- this wasn’t easy for Rey to talk about. Guilt slammed into him again, thinking of those instances where he’d all but pushed her to learn more about her. Now, he kept his mouth shut, and let her divulge the past she wanted badly to leave behind her. 

“Neither of them had family members to take me in, ao I ended up at an orphanage for a couple of years. When I was ten, I was adopted. How  _ he _ managed to pass the application process, I’ll never know. The man was hardly fit to be a parent. He could barely take care of himself, let alone another human being. But it was made official, and he brought me to Virginia with him. He’d met an American woman online. God, she was just as odious as him…”

Rey squeezed his hand tightly, like she was reminding herself he was there. 

“I spent eight long years with him. Working in his garage.”

Ben’s free hand curled into a tight fist, anger pulling the digits and skin taught. He felt his nails dig into his palm. 

“Did he…?” He trailed off.

“No, mercifully,” Rey breathed. “It was about the only thing he didn’t do. He yelled, took swings at me, called me every name in the book, said I was useless and would never amount to anything, I got much the same treatment from his wife. Though it was more neglect on her part.” 

“ _ Fuck _ , Rey…” 

“Can you see?” She said, her voice cracking. Rey turned her head to meet his gaze, and what he saw there made him want to burn the whole fucking city to the ground. Anguish, pain, hurt, loneliness… “Can you see why I didn’t want to talk about it? Why I wanted to leave it behind? I worked my ass off in school to get this scholarship so I could be free of him. I turned 18 and couldn’t get the fuck away fast enough.”

“I get it,” Ben reassured her. 

Tears streamed freely from the corners of her eyes, pooling on the blanket beneath her head. “All my life, I’ve felt this… this incredible loneliness. I couldn’t remember much of my parents. I was one of many in the orphanage. And then I was  _ nothing _ to the man that was supposed to care for me as if I was his own daughter.” 

Rey squeezed her eyes shut, nose scrunching in pain. It pulled at Ben’s heart, stabbed him in the gut. Rolling onto his side, he gathered her against his chest, sifting a hand into her hair and cradling the base of her skull. Her cries were silent, but he could feel her shoulders shaking, and the wetness of her tears soaking into his shirt. He held her. He held her so damn tightly, no one or thing could’ve pulled her from his grasp. 

“And then…” she pulled away, eyes watery as she moved back just enough to see him. To see into his eyes. “... then my car broke down outside this random town on my way to my new life. The life I would make  _ for me _ . Where I would find belonging. And there you were. Grease stained and sweaty and so kind. No one has ever been as kind to me as you have been, Ben.  _ No one _ .”

“Rey,” his voice wavered. “You need to know that you’re not alone.” 

She swallowed, her gaze boring into his, stripping him, seeing his soul. “Neither are you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> McSorley's is a real bar in NYC. I've been, and it's such a great place. As a History person, it's cool to have a beer in the oldest bar in America! Also, I was of age, promise!
> 
> Find me on Discord or on Twitter @JGoose753!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING! This chapter warrants the new rating!**
> 
> As always a huge thanks to [ LadyofFace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofFace) for betaing this chapter!

_ 10 Years Ago…  _

“Oh my God, this is the  _ best _ !” Rey bounced in her seat gleefully as they pulled into the drive-in theater. The past few weekends, Ben had whisked Rey away from the chaos of the city for sites in and around Chandrila. It was early August, and school would be starting for her too soon, as would his job at First Order Financials. His apartment would be available within the next couple of weeks, and he couldn’t wait. Couldn’t wait to be only minutes from Rey as opposed to an hour and some change. Couldn’t wait to hear all about how much she would enjoy her classes, because God did he love hearing her go on and on about the research she’s been helping with all summer. She’s a different kind of beautiful when she discusses what she’s passionate about.

Since summer slowly crept to an end, so too did this season at Chandrila’s Drive-In Movie Theater. Ben had borrowed one of his dad’s pick up trucks just for this occasion, having kitted out the bed of the truck with an air mattress, a pile of blankets, and plenty of snacks and drinks. Outside food and beverages were allowed, but the drive-in’s popcorn was the best. 

The theater was noted for their weekend double features. That night, they offered  _ The Proposal  _ and  _ The Princess Bride _ . An odd combination to be sure, but Ben loved  _ The Princess Bride _ and so did Rey.

Up first was  _ The Proposal _ , and Ben couldn’t remember laughing so hard at Betty White and Sandra Bullock’s antics. During the intermission, Rey and Ben got out of the truck to stretch their legs and chat. Then, it was back to cuddling on the air mattress as  _ The Princess Bride _ began. They spoke the lines throughout the movie, and got dramatic with the infamous Inigo Montoya monologue. 

“This is true love, you think this happens everyday?” Westley cooed to Buttercup on the screen.

The words struck something in Ben, something they had never before. 

Before Rey, he had chocked up the lines to wishful thinking, true love being something only meant for fairytales and movies and a child’s dreams.

After Rey, with her in his arms, he wondered if there could be something to wishful thinking and fairytales and dreams.

Ben glanced down at the crown of Rey’s head, wondering if she contemplated the same things. His mind wandered, back to June, to the beginning of summer. It had been a couple of months, but in the grand scheme of his life to that point, mere weeks. Yet he’d never felt more purposeful about life, more at peace. 

There were no two hearts so open to the other, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no attraction so bone deep and consuming. 

Did she feel the same? Did she feel as deeply?

Rey sighed contently in his arms, shifting slightly to burrow closer against his side. It was as if she’d heard his thoughts, like she offered comfort. 

The movie came to an end, and Buttercup shared a joyful, reunited, pure and passionate kiss with her Westley. 

Ben heard a sniffle, and then another. Rey swiped at a few tears in haste, to hide them. 

“Hey, you okay?” He whispered.

Rey picked her head up from his chest, and rested her chin on his sternum. “Yes, I’m fine. That part always gets me.” She shared a watery smile, one which Ben couldn’t help but match. Rey paused for a moment, her eyes searching his own for something. Maybe she found what she sought, for she then scooted up his body to seal her lips against his in a kiss that, Ben would argue, rivaled Westley and Buttercup’s.

~*~

“I didn’t know drive-in movies could be so much fun!” Rey exclaimed, as Ben keyed the way into the tiny apartment over Solo’s garage. She set the bags of snacks on the tiny kitchen counter, while Ben hauled in the deflated air mattress. 

There was a rather ominous pause, before Rey asked: “How many girls have you taken to that drive-in, Benjamin Solo?”

Ben stopped short, having thrown the air mattress on the floor by the couch. He turned to find her standing with her arms crossed and her hip jutted out.

“Um…” 

The stern, annoyed expression on her face melted into a wide, teasing smirk. “Oh my God, Ben, don’t have a heart attack, I’m just kidding.”

Ben laughed airily. “Well, I mean… I’ve never taken a  _ date _ there. Used to go with my father and mother.”

Rey’s smile faltered slightly, but then her eyebrows furrowed. “ _ Good _ .”

“‘Good’?” Ben shuffled a step forward. “Were you jealous at the thought that I had brought other girls there?” 

“No,” she replied nonchalantly. 

Ben slid forward again. “You sure?”

Rey’s eyes looked anywhere but at him. “... Yes.” 

He chuckled, curling his hands around her elbows and pulling her into his body. “No need to worry, Rey,” he soothed. “I’ve not taken any girls there. Only you. And I’ll only take you for the foreseeable future.”

Rey tipped her head back, finally meeting his gaze.

“Do you mean that?” 

“Every word,” Ben replied. 

“I wouldn’t want you to… to feel like you’re tied to me…” 

“And I wouldn’t want you to feel like  _ you’re _ tied to  _ me _ either, Rey. You’re about to start college. There’s a lot about yourself you learn in these four years. A lot of people you meet Date. Hookup with. Whatever. But…” 

“But what?” 

“As you know, I’m not exactly a perfect person, Rey.” She opened her mouth as if to protest, and he silenced her with a swift peck to the lips. “I’m a selfish man. I want you to myself. As long as you’ll have me.” 

Rey framed his face in her hands, and Ben felt the work-hewn callouses catch against his skin as she caressed his cheeks and curled them into his hair. Her lips pursed, the look he’d come to learn as her contemplative face. 

“Benjamin Solo,” she began, her voice soft and low. “I know we only just met at the beginning of summer, but I feel more connected to you than I ever have with anyone. You’ve been so kind to me. Playing tour guide. Showing me the best New York has to offer. You’ve proven to me that life doesn’t have to be lonely. That life is what you make it to be. And I want to continue making it be…  _ this _ … with you.”

Well fuck, what was he supposed to say to that? He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. 

“Rey Niima,” he began, chuckling at how formal she had started this. “I grew up in this fucking town with basically anything I could ever want. But there was always something missing. My mom spent nearly every waking minute as mayor, rather than mom. My dad… well, he tried his best. I had uncles and aunts, both blood and not. I had friends. But I just… there was a hole, you know? And it sounds crazy, but the second I saw you walking down the street, coming towards me, I didn’t feel that void anymore. And the more time we spent together the more the hole filled. And it’s been filled and overflowing since you kissed me in the elevator.” 

“ _ Christ _ , Ben,” Rey sobbed, wrapping her arms around his neck to cling to him in a warm embrace.

“I… I love you, Rey Niima,” Ben whispered into her hair. 

“I was only joking when I brought up the other girls,” she laughed, pulling away slightly. “And now it’s… turned into this…” 

“Is it… Is it okay? I’m not weirding you out?” Ben asked, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. 

“God, no,” Rey whispered, craning her neck to press a tear-wet kiss to his lips. “I love you too, Ben Solo.” 

Ben’s arms wrapped tightly around her waist, yanking her against his body, clutching her like she would fall away in a blink.

At 22, Ben never imagined he would feel this complete. With Rey, yes, he felt complete but he felt… enhanced, too. Like he could be a better man, take on the world and make  _ it  _ better.

Rey pulled back, reaching for his hands at the small of her back. She clutched them, took a step back, and then another, leading him. 

“Take me to bed, Ben Solo?” 

Ben was sure she’d meant it more as a statement than a question, but the nervousness in her eyes and in the slight shaking of her hands in his, changed the tone.

“Rey, I’m not sure…” 

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I want this. I want you. But you should know, I’ve never…” 

Rey didn’t have to finish. He knew what she meant, and that realization made him more nervous. 

“Well, I… I’m not really…”

“It’s okay,” she comforted, because of course she knew what he was trying to say. They were of one mind, after all. No two people more in-tune.

Ben can’t say he hasn’t thought about it, but he didn’t want to hurt her. Didn’t want to disappoint her… 

Leaning down, Ben grasped the backs of her thighs and hoisted her up and against him. Rey wrapped her legs around his waist, arms coming around his neck and holding on tightly. Their lips met and any fight in Ben disappeared. The kiss was heated, passionate, a pouring out and melding of feelings. He tilted his head, slanting his mouth to deepen the kiss. Her lips parted and he teased her with his tongue, coaxing her mouth open wider. Ben had stumbled to the back room where the cheap, rickety bed stood. He didn’t stop until his knees hit the mattress, and set her down gently. 

They were all thumbs, fumbling to remove their clothes. They let out a breathy laugh when Ben nearly lost his balance removing his socks, and laughed again when Rey’s shirt got caught up in her arms. 

Seeing Rey in nothing but a white cotton bra and panty set, all of that tan skin on display just for him, the muscled arms and thighs… Ben was reminded of the elegant Renaissance sculptures they’d seen in the Met. Her body was lithe, her breasts small, but God, she was more than enough. 

They crawled up to the head of the bed, where they rested against the pillows. Once more, Ben took her into his arms, and their lips met. The kisses were lazy, exploring, slower this time. His tongue tasted her, and in return, she tasted him. Her hands skimmed across his shoulders and down his torso. 

Ben took his time with her, taking his cues from the sounds she made. Yes, he’d done this a couple of times before, but everyone’s first time was meant to be special. And Ben would make this so fucking special for her. 

“Ben, I’m not going to break,” Rey murmured against his lips. “You don’t need to be so gentle…” 

“You deserve it,” he replied, plush mouth ghosting along her chin and down her throat, licking out with his tongue to taste her skin.

He’d never been harder in his life, but he’d curb his own need for her. 

“Do you have…” 

“In the nightstand drawer behind you,” he said against the soft skin of her shoulder. 

“Do I want to know why you have them?” Rey gritted out.

“You never know when you’re gonna need them,” he shrugged.

“Were you a boy scout? Always prepared?” She teased, reaching into the nightstand to grab the box of condoms. 

“I was a boy scout for all of three years, yes,” Ben laughed, plucking the box from Rey’s hand and setting it close by. “Now… where was I… oh yes…” 

Ben pressed his lips against Rey’s shoulder, then along the delicate line of her clavicle to the other shoulder. He reveled in her little gasps, and the way she clutched at him like a lifeline.

Rey’s curious hands continued their own exploration. She skated her fingertips along his stomach, around his hip to the small of his back, and further still, taking a firm handful of Ben’s ass and squeezing. 

Caught off guard, Ben let out a surprised grunt, before a huff of laughter at Rey’s pleased look. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she said, though there was no explanation needed.

They continued mapping each other’s bodies, taking note of the discoveries they made, until neither could stand having even the smallest scraps of clothing between them. Ben’s clumsy fingers struggled for a minute at the clasp of her bra, something she couldn’t help but chuckle at. Ben shot her a mock glare, until the piece of cotton fell away, and her breasts were bared to him.

Ben dipped down to press his mouth against the swell of one, and then the other, taking encouragement from the firm grip of her hands in his hair. He trailed lower, laving his tongue around a dusty pink nipple that pebbled under his ministrations. He moved to the other to pay it equal attention, spurred on by the increasing volume of Rey’s pleasured gasps. Ben ventured lower still, peppering kisses along her flat stomach, even taking a moment to blow a raspberry against the creamy skin. Rey shrieked a laugh, and swatted at his shoulder. 

His fingers curled into the thin band of her panties, and slowly pulled them over her hips and down the length of her legs. As he pulled the garment from her, Ben sat back, and deposited the panties on the floor. He could read the trepidation on her face, sensing she had the urge to cover herself. 

“No, sweetheart,” he soothed, palms flat against her thighs. His hands nearly curled around them entirely. “You are… exquisite… the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen…” 

“Ben…”

“No. You don’t get to argue with me. Not here. Not now.” 

Ben wasn’t a liar. At least, he hadn’t been since those rebellious teen years. Rey  _ was _ the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen: from the chestnut hair done in a half-up, half-down style, to her pert breasts topped with delicious rosy nipples, to the tuft of dark curls between her legs, all the way down to her cute painted toes. Sheer, awe-inspiring, damn near painful to look at, beauty. 

He skimmed his palms up and down her thighs until he could feel her relax. Then he parted them.

“Fuck…” He breathed. 

She glistened, slick from what they’d done. From what  _ he’d _ been doing to her. Her folds were a pale pink, growing redder with arousal. His cock twitched, and he had to close his eyes for a moment, centering himself. 

“Ben…?”

“I’m fine, Rey, sweetheart. It’s fine. More than fine. God, what did I do to deserve this gift?” 

“Ben… you’re wearing too much. It’s your turn.” 

Ben opened his eyes to see her look pointedly to his boxer-briefs. The obvious bulge barely contained. He climbed up her body, settling between those glorious, parted thighs. 

“Want to do the honors?” He grinned, teasing, attempting to alleviate her nervousness. He held himself up to give her access, if she so desired.

And she did.

Rey snaked her hands between them, grasping onto the waistband of his boxer-briefs. She gave one tug, then another, until he worked them the rest of the way down his legs, toeing them onto the floor. 

“Ben…” Her voice was firm, worried. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, eyes bouncing between her hazel hues. 

“Benjamin Solo, why didn’t you tell me you were packing  _ that _ ?” 

Yeah, Ben knew his dick was above average. It was something he hadn’t been much proud of, or given any extra thought to, until this moment.

“Uh…” 

“How will you fit inside of me?”

Ben groaned, hearing the breathy way she said it, but the fear behind them curbed his lust. 

“It’ll be okay. We’ll make it work. And we stop if you tell me too.” 

Rey nodded, her expression turning from worry to… determination? Haltingly, she reached a hand out, skimming his hip and lower abdomen. Ben held his breath, waiting, and the growl that burst from his mouth when her small fingers circled his dick was damn near inhuman. Rey’s grip was light at first, almost shy, but the longer she touched him, the more bold she became. She slid her palm from root to head and back. 

“Ooookay, you’re gonna need to stop,” he gingerly took her wrist in his hand, halting her movements. “You keep touching me like that, and I’m not gonna last, sweetheart.” 

Damn if her answering half-smirk wasn’t the hottest fucking thing he’d seen her do. 

Ben groaned, tipping his forehead to rest against her shoulder. The things she did to him… He took her wrist and raised her hand to his lips, pressing kisses to the knuckles and palm. She sighed, resting back against the pillows. She looked like a goddess laid out in his bed, hair fanned out against his pillow. By the end of this, both of their mingled scents would be all over the sheets, and the thought spurred him into action. He needed to be inside of her, but most importantly, he needed her ready to take him. 

Ben began to trail kisses down her chest and stomach, climbing down her body until his shoulders rested between her thighs. He needed her spread wide for him. 

“Ben, what’re you--”

“Do you trust me, Rey?”

“More than anything.” 

“Then trust me now…” 

He watched as she nodded, taking that as the greenlight. 

Her sex was swollen, clit a hard nub from arousal. Ben didn’t want to stare long. He had work to do. He followed the length of her with his tongue, taking one tentative swipe. Rey’s hips squirmed and she let out a little breathy ‘ _ oh _ .’

Ben’s eyes never left her face as he dove in, raking the flat of his tongue along and between her folds, then circling the tip around her clit. He feasted, spurred on by the heavenly taste of her as she burst across his taste buds. He brought the tip of a finger to her entrance, teasing the opening, but not quite pushing more than the tip inside. Ben groaned in anticipation, just the taste of what the inside of her would feel like around his dick driving him up the wall. 

“Ben… Ben, please…” Rey moaned. Her face is flushed, lips parted. Her eyes were closed and her hand fisted tightly in his hair, guiding his head back whenever he found a particularly pleasurable spot.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” Ben breathed. “I’ll give you what you need…” 

Gently, knuckle by knuckle, he slid his finger inside her, feeling the flutter of her warm, wet channel surrounding the digit. Oh dear God, how  _ was _ he going to fit? She was so fucking tight...

Ben began to pull and push, burying his finger inside of her over and over up to the third knuckle. Ben nearly came at the way her walls pulled at him, as though wanting to keep him inside of her forever. He added a second finger, and let out a little groan. So fucking tight. He knew he wouldn't last long the moment he slid inside of her. 

His tongue eased the stretch of his fingers by focusing attention at her clit, sucking it between his lips, and applying just enough pressure to get her hips bucking and angling for more. 

“Fuck, Ben,  _ now _ … I can’t wait anymore…” 

Music to his ears. 

Ben grinned, pressing a soft kiss to her folds before sliding his fingers out. 

“C’mere…” She growled, yanking him in by the hair and mashing her lips against his. Their tongues touched, entwined, and Ben knew she had to have gotten a taste of herself. As she practically gnawed at his mouth, his hand scrambled around for the condom box, extracted a foil packet, and tossed the remainder aside. 

“Now,” she spoke against his lips, into his mouth. “Now, Ben, please. I need you…” 

Ben tore open the packet, and rolled the condom down his cock. He could not deny her a single thing, and perhaps his own selfishness had won out.

The moment he settled back between her legs, poised to enter her, Ben’s worry returned in full force. It didn’t feel like enough. Maybe they shouldn’t do this so quickly? Maybe he should stop now? How could she possibly want this? With  _ him _ ?

Once again, he found his face clutched between Rey’s hands. 

“Stop,” she whispered. “You’re thinking too much. Be with me. Be with me, here and now.” 

Ben nodded, and Rey didn’t let go even when he guided his cockhead to her entrance, even when he slid in, and she held fast to him with every inch that followed. Ben watched the pinch of her eyebrows as he stopped, fully seated inside of her. He’d never felt anything as heady and dizzying as being inside of her, warm and wet and welcoming. Her inner muscles fluttered around him, clenched tightly around his thick length. 

“Are you okay?” He breathed out, panting from the Herculean effort it took to hold himself back. He pressed his forehead to hers, and still she hung on, sliding her fingers into his ebony locks. 

“Just… give me a moment. It’s… it’s not horrible just… uncomfortable…” 

Ben would give her all the damn time in the world.

He waited, their breaths mingling as she grew accustomed to him. 

“Okay, slowly, Ben. Just a little…”

Ben could do that. His hips moved back a fraction, then pushed back in. A strained breath punched from her chest, the furrow still at her brow. 

“Little more…” 

He acquiesced, pulling from her just a little more, and pushing back in.

“ _ God _ ,” she moaned, stretching the syllable. Ben took that as a good sign. 

He continued, sliding out a little more each time, until she urged him to go faster. His hips rolled, undulating at a rhythm as old as time. Rey’s hips followed, thighs clutching at his sides, moving with him in perfect sync. Their bodies touched at nearly every point imaginable from their sweat damp foreheads, noses bumping against the other, lips parted and a hair’s breadth away, their chests, and blissfully, their pelvises, with every inward thrust. 

“Ben, Ben,  _ Ben… _ ” She moaned his name like a mantra. “ _ Faster _ …” 

He complied. It was a pure God damn miracle he hadn’t blown his load yet. It was almost too much, the way she felt around him, and not just her body, but also her words, her scent, her very being. It consumed him, and hell, if it made him a slave to her, then he’d be fine for the rest of his life.

But he refused to come before her. 

Ben rolled his hips faster, and slid his hand between their bodies, down to where they were joined as one. His palm nearly spanned her entire stomach as he pressed down slightly, before he dipped lower and grazed his thumb across the harden nub at the apex of her sex. Rey cried out, and if he hadn’t known any better, he might’ve thought he’d hurt her. But the sound was pure pleasure, and Ben sought to repeat it. 

And repeat it he did. With every thrust inside of her, he swiped the pad of his thumb across her clit, matching the pace. Ben knew when she was close, as her muscles began to contract around him, clenching tightly. The rest of her body grew more tense, building to something, to a powerful crescendo.

“Ben, Ben… I’m… oh  _ fuck _ , I’m going to…”

Before he could prepare himself, Rey shouted her release on the one syllable of his name, like a Goddamn prayer. Her back bowed from the bed, hips losing their pace. Her nails scraped down the expanse of his back, clutching him to her. Ben would be fine with trophies of how well he had done pleasuring her. Her sex clenched again and again around his cock, almost violently so. 

Only one, two, three more thrusts sent Ben over the edge, moaning her name against her lips. That coil that had been tightening in the pit of his stomach snapped, his eyes alight with the sparks of his pleasure that rocked to every limb and nerve ending. It was pure fucking euphoria, it damn near scared him.

Ben rolled to the empty space next to her, gathering Rey tightly into his arms and crushing her against his chest. They both gasped for breath, but also basked in their mutual pleasure.

When their breathing calmed, Ben gingerly slid from her body, tied off the condom, and stumbled, with wobbly legs, to dispose of it in the bathroom. Upon returning to the bed, Ben yanked the covers and comforter from under Rey’s limp body, and bundled them both in the warmth and safety of the blankets. Ben returned Rey tightly to his chest, carding his fingers through her hair. They didn’t speak, but then they didn’t have to say anything. Their bodies had just done the talking. 

“I love you,” Rey mouthed against his neck. 

“I love you too,” Ben replied, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

~*~

“You’re smiling again. Like,  _ really _ smiling.”

“Auntie A…”

“I know, I know, you don’t like me teasing you about it. But you won’t give me any details, and I’m dying to know about her.” 

Ben slid out from beneath the undercarriage of Amilyn’s car where he’d been preparing to change the oil. He hauled himself to his feet, feeling his lips curling upward again, betraying him. 

“Well, she’s a whiz with cars…” Ben began, and spent the next thirty minutes giving Amilyn the breakdown of the summer. 

“She sounds like an amazing young woman, Ben, I’m happy for you,” Amilyn smiled, her words sounding genuine, however there was something in her eyes…

“But?” Ben had known his godmother his entire life, and could tell when an opinion had already formed. 

“No! No ‘buts’! I’m just… I don’t want you to get burned, that’s all.” 

“Why would I get burned?”

“She’s young… hell,  _ you’re _ young! She could start the year off and meet some guy… Most people sow their oats in college, you know.” 

“Rey’s not like that,” Ben defended. “She and I have actually had this discussion. I’m really not worried.” 

Amilyn didn’t look convinced. “You know I only ever have your best interest in mind. I don’t want you getting hurt. She sounds like a lovely girl, but… she’s just that, a girl. She may not know what she wants. She could change her mind… College is about finding yourself as a person, and you just never know… Your mother dated several guys before she met your father…” 

“Jesus, Amilyn,” Ben glared furiously at the exposed aggregate of the driveway, wiping his hands absently on a chamois cloth. Hot tears of frustration and anger burned at the corners of his eyes. Her words were eerily familiar, almost the same damn words he’d spoken the night he and Rey… 

“Your opinion is noted,” Ben gritted, before focusing his attentions back to her car to complete the oil change. 

Amilyn wasn’t done.

“Ben, I’m sorry… I don’t mean to hurt you. I’m just looking out for you. That’s all I’ve ever done since your mom passed. You’ve known this girl for two and a half months… that seems like a long time, but do you really  _ know _ her? You’re both so young… don’t you think you should focus more on getting yourself established in your job, in Brooklyn, before you commit to a relationship?”

Ben’s hand slipped, but he righted himself in time, before he poured the quart of oil all over the engine. He took a deep breath, and finished pouring the oil into the reservoir. Once finished, he tossed the container into a bag. 

“Is this about my parents?” Ben bit out. He couldn’t look Amilyn in the eye.

“What on earth do you mean?”

“Is this because my parents married young?”

“ _ No _ ! Not at all!” 

Amilyn had always been a shit liar. 

“Auntie A… just say what you want to say and be done with it.” Ben was tired. So damn tired.

Amilyn’s sky blue gaze wavered, like she was trying her hardest to keep in her truth. 

“You’re just so young. And you’ve got the same look on your face your mother had when she met your father.” 

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to propose marriage!” Ben exclaimed.

“No. But I don’t…” Amilyn heaved a sigh, fingers massaging at her forehead as if to ease tension. “I just don’t want you to make a mistake. You’re meant for great things, Benjamin. And I don’t want you to throw that away.”

“Ah. I see,” Ben said quietly. He turned away from her, busying himself with finishing what he’d come to do. When he finished, he packed everything into the bed of the borrowed pickup. Amilyn, seeing her godson’s silence as dismissal, had left cash in the cab of the truck before retreating into her house. Ben climbed into the cab, his hands shaking as he trundled down the driveway, despite the death grip he had on the steering wheel. 

Why couldn’t Amilyn be happy for him? Why did she always drop kick him with realism, borderline pessimism? Ben wondered sometimes if the woman had a heart at all. He’d be angrier, if it wasn’t for the fact he’d known her his whole life, and trusted her. She’d never led him astray before… 

Ben stewed over Amilyn’s words for the rest of the day. He wouldn’t realize, wouldn’t sense, just how deeply she’d planted that seed of doubt in his head, until much later. But it was there, sprouting roots and hanging on to his psyche, to the point where he dreamed about Rey and some random engineering student. 

~*~

A few days later, Sheev Palpatine paid another visit to the shop, bringing with him the water to nourish that seed of doubt. 

“I am happy to hear about this girl of yours,” Sheev smiled. He’d inquired again about the young woman that kept Ben grinning from ear to ear. Ben couldn’t help but gush a few details. 

“Yeah, she’s… she’s amazing,” Ben beamed. He’d just gotten off the phone with Rey, in fact. They talked on their lunch breaks, enjoying the sound of each other’s voice. They’d teased each other, more intimately now that they had shared their bodies with each other. Plans were set for the weekend, deciding to keep lowkey and enjoy each other’s company.

“Be careful, young Solo,” Sheev warned, an echo of the conversation from weeks ago. It was deja vu, and Ben fucking hated it. “You are starting your job at First Order soon, correct?”

“Yes, sir, in a couple of weeks,” Ben replied.

“You have to be ready” Sheev tapped the desk with his fingers for emphasis. “William Snoke is tough, but fair. If he senses there are distractions keeping you from your best work, he will be none too pleased. My suggestion would be to go into this new job with zero distractions. You wish to learn all you can from Snoke?” 

“Yes, Mr. Palpatine,” Ben said. 

When did he suddenly sound like a scared teenager again?

“You have promise in you, young Solo. An ambition and a drive that could rival your grandfather’s, and your mother’s. You could rise higher than either of them dreamed. But you have to want it, and you have to work for it. Snoke is offering you the opportunity to  _ be _ something. It would not do to disappoint him. But, if you prove your loyalty… he will give you anything you desire.” 

Ben’s face was a mask, but on the inside he was screaming. Palpatine’s words were water, moistening the soil, nourishing the roots of the seed. They dug deeper, and the seed split further. By the end of the week, Ben’s rampant, racing thoughts had caused the seed to blossom into a full blown sapling. 

He  _ had _ only known Rey for a handful of weeks. She was younger, about to begin the rest of her life. She would meet a lot of people… definitely someone more her equal. Someone just as smart, some engineer egghead, who would be able to fulfill her more than Ben ever could. Ben was just a number cruncher. And hell, he probably wouldn’t be any good at it.

She deserved better than him. She deserved the fucking world. But maybe if he worked hard, gave his all to First Order and to Snoke, he could become what she needed him to be.

~*~

_ Hurt. Betrayal. Anger. Frustration _ . 

A week ago Ben would have opened his own vein if he’d ever caused Rey pain. But there it was, reflected back at him through her golden-green eyes.

The plan had been for him to pick her up and bring her back to Chandrila, but the time it took to get to the city only buried Ben in his thoughts, strengthening his resolve that what he was about to do was the right thing. When he parked in the NYU garage, he had convinced himself that this was the noble thing to do.

“I don’t understand where this is coming from,” Rey gritted through her tears.

Ben’s shoulders slumped, hunched in on himself.

_ Shame _ .

“I’m sorry, Rey--”

“No. You do not get to say sorry to me, Ben Solo,” Rey cried out around a sob. His hands itched to brush the tear streaks away, to say how much of a mistake it was that he was doing this, to take it all back. 

But he couldn’t back down. His resilience was too much. Too much like his mother’s.

“Rey, please, it’s just… we’re not…”

“You can’t even justify it, can you, Benjamin? You can’t give me a proper excuse. Who was it, hm? Your godmother? That creepy old man?  _ Who told you to do this? _ ”

“No one told me to do anything, Rey,” Ben hissed. “This is how it’s gotta be. You’re 18. You’re starting college. You’re going to meet someone else, someone more like you, and you’re going to forget all about me. I don’t… I don’t want you stuck to me, Rey. Not when there are better opportunities out there for you.” 

“ _ Bullshit _ ,” Rey hissed with such vehemence, Ben took a step back. “I can’t believe you’re erasing the entire summer we spent together, going full  _ Grease _ on me with this “Summer Love” fucking nonsense…”

“I mean… it’s not what I was going for but now that you mention it--”

“Oh my  _ GOD _ , Ben Solo, shut the fuck up!” Rey laughed, but it held zero humor. “I thought… I thought you were better than this.  _ Smarter _ than this. What I am understanding is that everything we shared together meant nothing to you? That night in the apartment over the garage… those words you said… they were lies?” 

Before Ben could argue, she plowed on.

“And you have the  _ audacity _ to make  _ my _ choice for me. Maybe you aren’t the man I thought you were, Ben Solo.”

“No, Rey, I’m not!” Ben shouted. “I’m not, but I’m trying to be. I just… I need time. I need time to make something of myself. To be worthy of you…”

“Since when has that ever been a problem? Since when have you ever worried whether you’re good enough for me?” Rey sobbed.

“ _ Since _ always! I told you I wasn’t a perfect person. And I meant it. I’m a selfish asshole, who thought that he could have something good for a change. But I can’t. I can’t be what you need me to be. Not right now. Maybe after a couple of years with Snoke--”

“You think I’ll wait for you?” Rey clenched and unclenched her hands. She would have every right to deck him, and he could take the hit gladly. “Fuck, Ben… I don’t know where you got such a negative self worth. It makes me so angry… but perhaps, it makes me sad. Sad that you can’t see what I see. But you’re right, I can’t help you with that. You have to figure it out on your own.”

For the first time since the conversation started, silence fell between them. 

“I should’ve seen this coming.” Rey sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead, eyes red-rimmed from holding back tears. “There were pieces of you you’d never let me see… parts of your life…”

“What the hell does that mean?” 

“Never once did you take me to your house, Ben. The home you grew up in? You didn’t think to tell me much about your friends… the ones backpacking through Europe right now? You didn’t tell me about your dad, or your uncle in the city? Those are just a few small things that add up to a whole part that I never knew about you…” 

“Oh come the fuck on, Rey, you didn’t want to tell me about  _ your _ life before now. I didn’t take you for a hypocrite.”

“You  _ know _ what there is to know about me, Ben.”

“Yeah, but it sure took you long enough to tell me.”

“I’m  _ sorry _ that I felt like I needed to trust you implicitly to tell you. And now I realize my mistake. Because you clearly don’t trust me in return. You know what? It’s fine. I don’t  _ need _ you, Ben Solo. I don’t need anyone. As always, I will press on…  _ alone _ .”

Then, Rey turned on her heel, used her keycard to get herself back into her dorm, and that was the last time Ben saw her.

~*~

_ Hurt. Betrayal. Anger. Frustration. _

_ Absolutely gutted. Entrails spilled, viscera falling to the concrete sidewalk.  _

_ Heart broken. Ribs cracked open, heart a mangled muscle of sinew, dripping blood _ .

Ben Solo lost a piece of himself that day. Laying open and raw on the sidewalk. Until Rey Niima entered his life again, only for him to realize he’d been only  _ mostly _ dead… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Discord or on Twitter @JGoose753!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lateness of this update... AGAIN. I've been sick, AGAIN, but I think I'm recovering. I hope. Going on, like, 3 weeks here... and before anyone says anything, yes, I did go to the doctor, and they didn't do jack all for me, so... yeah. Anyway, hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thanks as always to [ LadyofReylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofreylo) for betaing!

Monday dawned, and all Ben wanted was to curl back underneath the covers. 

He’d spent the majority of the weekend moping, stuck in his oppressive thoughts. He didn’t leave his apartment building. He laid on his ratty Ikea couch, gorging himself on junk food and  _ The Office _ episodes. When he couldn’t even laugh at Dwight’s antics, Ben knew something was seriously wrong. 

The blaring alarm clock pulled him from a light sleep. Ben groaned and rolled out of bed. He made quick work of showering and dressing for the day, then began his lonely commute into the financial district. 

As the subway car rocked around him, Ben’s eyes moved around the interior. He couldn’t help but wonder what stories the strangers could tell. Some people were familiar, sure, because they had the same commute, but he’d never taken the time to get to know any of them. What decisions had they made in their lives they regretted? Had they felt a love as deeply as he had? Had they allowed people to sway them? To influence their decisions? 

Ben was slowly cracking, and no amount of patchwork would stem the inevitable collapse. 

When had he become such a bitter person? When had he become so complacent? 

As a kid, he’d been so full of life. Then, the teenage years hit, and with it the hormones and depression and anxiety and the all encompassing pressure to live up to his family name. Rey had stepped into his life in his twenties and he’d felt alive again. 

But his mind had been too weak to handle the happiness, and he’d allowed others to persuade him to doubt the vitality of his connection with Rey. A connection that had come so seamlessly. He never had to be a  _ Skywalker  _ for her. He could simply be  _ Ben _ . 

The screech of the subway brakes jarred him, he’d arrived at his stop.

A quiet blanket covered First Order Financials as he stepped off the elevator. He navigated the maze of cubicles and stopped dead when he saw that his desk chair was occupied. 

“Uh, morning, Hux,” Ben greeted, shuffling into his cubicle and setting his satchel down with his thermos of coffee. 

His friend did not look  _ friendly _ .

“You don’t answer texts anymore? Don’t pick up your phone?” Hux asked.

“Uh, yeah, about that…” Ben had ignored all texts and phone calls from Hux and Gwen after the dumpster fire of Friday night. They hadn’t witnessed the epic argument between him and Rey, sure, but Ben couldn’t bring himself to talk to them about it. They knew him too well… which was why Hux felt the need to give him a damn intervention at 8 in the morning. 

“ _ No _ . You’ve been weirder than normal since you put your house up to let. At first, I thought it was just because it was your home. Seems normal to be distraught over seeing someone else live there. But then… then it hit me… you’re weird whenever Rey Niima is around. I want to know why.”

“Hux…” Ben sighed. “... it’s too early in the morning for th--”

“ _ No _ . No, you don’t get to  _ deflect  _ anymore. You’re going to walk with me out of this building and across the street where you’re going to buy me a bagel and explain to me what the hell is going on.” 

Ten minutes later, bagels in hand, they settled into vacant chairs near the windows of a small cafe facing the First Order building. 

Surprisingly, it took only minor heckling from Hux before Ben spilled everything: that summer with Rey, about Amilyn and Sheev, about Friday after he’d left the table. Hux knew more than most about his childhood, about his relationship with his parents and such. But Ben had never told Hux or Gwen about Rey. They’d been backpacking in Europe before Gwen’s first year of law school, Hux had proposed somewhere in the Alps, and Ben hadn’t the heart to ruin the high of that experience with his low. 

Hux was silent after Ben wrapped up his tale. Hux sipped at his coffee, and took small bites of his bagel. 

“This explains so much,” Hux said.

“Yeah…” Ben replied nervously, taking a giant bite of his own bagel.

The redhead fell quiet again. 

“My friend…” Hux began. “Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it’s difficult to do.” 

“Thanks,” Ben grumbled behind the rim of his coffee cup. 

“You know I’m here for you. Gwen and I both. We’re your  _ friends _ . I know things have always been difficult -- with your parents, losing your mum, adjusting to life without her, processing the grief -- but there’s one thing I  _ need  _ you to know. I’m  _ always  _ heren for you. Gwen too. You don’t need to deal with these things by yourself. That’s what friends are for. Sure, we come into this life alone, and we’ll leave this life alone, but that doesn’t mean you have to go  _ through  _ this life alone. Do you understand me, Benjamin?”

Ben nodded sheepishly. 

“Good. Going forward, I hope you’ll share more with your  _ friends _ , yeah?”

Ben nodded again. It wasn’t to placate. He meant it. 

“I just can’t stress enough how much you are  _ not  _ alone.” 

Ben’s chest tightened. Hadn’t he made such a promise with Rey once upon a time?

“Now… I think it would be a good idea to  _ finally  _ take your uncle up on his offer. Take some days off. Legally, no one can deny you that. It’s only  _ you  _ stopping you.”

It was amusing that Hux should suggest this course of action, as he’d been thinking the same thing over the weekend. Finally use some vacation days. 

Ben nodded silently again.

“Good. We’re going back across the street, and I’ll watch over your shoulder as you put your vacation request in…  _ for next week _ .”

Ben’s lips parted, poised in protest.

“ _ No _ .” Hux interrupted. “You’re taking the whole week. Lord knows you have enough days. You will leave Friday night, and you won’t come back until the next Saturday. Understood?”

“Yes, mother,” Ben mumbled. 

~*~

By close of day, Ben’s request for vacation time had been approved by Pryde. The man had even stopped by his cubicle to express his surprise and pleasure at Ben finally getting out of the building for a spell. 

Wednesday, Snoke called Ben into his office. The pallid man did not look pleased, but then, he never did. 

How could Ben ever think that leading a life like Snoke’s would lead to happiness? Misery and greed were written across the older man’s face, encoded in his very DNA, and evident in his white hair and shriveled skin. Had the man ever cracked a smile? Ben’s sure the world would collapse if Snoke ever did… 

In that moment, clarity hit. Before Snoke even opened his mouth to bitch about whatever had displeased him, Ben  _ knew _ . 

He  _ refused  _ to be this man. 

The idea of being in a position of power like Snoke’s had once appealed to him. 

But it’s been ten years. 

_ Ten years _ of busting his ass for this man with nothing to show for it. Sheev had once waxed poetic about Snoke’s position as his protegee, and, in turn, Sheev assured Ben he would continue the legacy and become Snoke’s protegee. 

Ben had learned a lot, he couldn’t deny that. But never once had Ben felt like an equal, or anything  _ close  _ to an equal to Snoke. He was his  _ bitch _ , and that’s all he’d ever been. 

A voice, one that sounded suspiciously like Rey’s, murmured in his ear: “ _ You’re worth so much more than this _ .”

“Please, have a seat, Mr. Solo. There is a matter I wish to discuss with you.” 

Ben sat, folding his hands in his lap. 

“I have received a telephone call from the Kamino Group. It appears there were discrepancies in their numbers and other flaws in their paperwork. They have suspended their contracts with us for the near future.”

Ben’s stomach dropped through the floor. He’d handled the account himself. He’d executed everything flawlessly.

“Sir?” 

“I am disappointed, Benjamin. I believed you to be more capable than this. It appears I have thought wrong. Perhaps it  _ is  _ best you take time off next week. To reevaluate your priorities and your place at First Order Financials.”

“But, sir… I--”

“That will be all, Mr. Solo. You will not be formally reprimanded, of course, but I will have Mr. Pryde evaluate your work from now on.”

There was no arguing with Snoke. Once he had spoken, his word was law. No amount of defending himself would change Snoke’s mind. 

“Yes, sir,” Ben said, thoroughly chastised like a little boy in the principal’s office. He stood, and quietly left the office.

His feet nearly led him back to his cubicle, but led him past it instead, down a hallway, and into the nearest restroom. 

Something unfurled inside of him, and uncaring of who was near enough to hear, Ben let out a loud, frustrated bellow of rage. He’d not allowed himself to fall deep into his anger since he was a teenager, but it unleashed now. His control as an adult tempered it, thankfully, or else his fist would have been sliced by a broken mirror, or broken from an intimate meeting with the concrete wall. 

Hux barrelled into the bathroom moments later, worry evident on his face. 

“I saw you storm past me after leaving Snoke’s office. What happened?”

“We lost the Kamino Group. And he’s blaming me.” 

Hux’s eyebrows furrowed into a ‘V’ of confusion. “What do you mean? You worked your arse off on that account. I looked over your work, it was damn near perfect.” 

“I don’t fuckin’ know, Hux, but we lost them. And he scolded me like a child.” 

“Hey, you know what, let’s take an early lunch, huh? We’ll go to that deli you like. I’ll treat.” 

Ben’s anger simmered for the rest of the week. He sat in his cubicle, doing his work as he always had, stewing, his brain churning.

Friday, just before Ben ducked out to lunch, he received an in-office message.

**< W. Snoke>** While I cannot deny your wish to take time off, be mindful of the work you will need to make up upon your return. No one will do it for you in your absence.

Ben’s fingers curled inward, knuckles cracking.

**< B. Solo>** Noted, sir. 

At 4 o’clock, Hux appeared at the mouth of his cubicle, ushering Ben out of the building.

“Just making sure you actually leave,” the redhead said, once they’d made it to the lobby. 

“Thanks, Hux. I’ll see you in a week.” 

Hux reached out, squeezing Ben’s shoulder. “Don’t come back a moment sooner. Let me know you got there okay, and then ditch your cell.”

Ben chuckled. “Alright.” 

Hiking his satchel up his shoulder, Ben stepped into the frigid air. New York City was gearing up for the holiday season, with work crews already beginning to decorate the financial district in holly and garlands and wreaths. He kept his shoulders and head down and hunched against the cold, beating feet to the reprieve of the subway station. His feet slowed, however, upon nearing the Jakku Building. Ben looked up and up, wondering what Rey was doing at that moment.

Guilt came crashing back, guilt of the things he’d said to her. Lashing out to hurt, because he was hurting. It was amazing how people tended to do that to the ones they loved the most. And there was no denying that Ben Solo still loved Rey Niima. Even after ten fucking years. But he couldn’t possibly tell her that. Not now, not ever. He’d fucked up his chances beyond all repair, and he deserved the crushing loneliness and dark days without her.

~*~

By the time Ben got home, grabbed his duffel bag, and hiked to his car, darkness had fallen. Interstate 95 was a nightmare, but many hours later, Ben arrived in Luke’s new home: Boothbay Harbor, Maine. 

Ben was in college when his Uncle Luke had had his mid-life crisis and retired to escape the center of the US’s capitalist dictatorship. Luke had sold his Connecticut lake house in favor of a more permanent place in one of Maine’s idyllic seaside towns. Ben had visited maybe twice since Luke had moved, but as he pulled down the semi-unfamiliar gravel driveway, he spotted his dad’s beat to hell Winnebago at the end of it all, and felt like he was coming home. Because of course his father would be here to see him. The sight of that beat to hell piece of junk nearly made Ben break down into sobs. 

It was well past midnight, but two dark figures stood, silhouetted, in the light of a big bay window. 

The house was purely rustic, backwoods Maine. A two story sprawl, it had a modern, log cabin feel, but with modern conveniences. There was an actual chimney, a front and back deck, and at the end of the back yard, a dock stretched towards the bay where Luke kept his modest-sized trawler. 

Ben stepped from his car, surprised to see both his father and Luke still awake at such an ungodly hour, but he felt relieved. A dark shaggy shape came barrelling down the deck steps, skidding to a stop just shy of colliding with Ben’s legs. 

Chewie.

“Hey, big guy,” Ben squatted to scratch behind the faithful dog’s floppy ears. He came damn close to sobbing yet again.

“Kiddo, gitcha ass in here so we can go to bed!” Han called out from the front deck. 

Thumbing away tears that managed to escape, Ben laughed. He grabbed his things, and headed towards the lit beacon of rural sanctuary. It was so quiet, and the stars were shining brightly. So many stars that you couldn’t see in the city. Not to mention the distant call of an owl.

Ben took the front steps slowly, and the minute he stepped into the light cast from the interior of the house, his father and uncle took a good look at his face, into his eyes, and knew immediately. Their expressions turned grim, but firm.

“Come on, son. Get inside so you can get some sleep..” Han held out an arm, and as Ben stepped forward, his father’s palm pressed into the center of his shoulder blades.  _ Fuck _ . Ben’s bottom lip trembled, and he almost lost it, yet again. Luke’s warm smile almost set him off too.

Home didn’t have to be a place, Ben realized. Home could be people too, and he’d known that for a long time, had felt it with a handful of people. But in that moment, it hit him in the chest just to the left of center.

_ He was home _ .

~*~

A mop of fur came bounding onto the bed hours later. Chewie let out a deep howl before pouncing, practically squashing Ben’s head. Ben jolted upright, receiving an armful of dog for his efforts. A slobbery tongue licked up Ben’s cheek.  _ Twice _ . He groaned, craning away from Chewie while simultaneously rubbing the pup’s head.

“Rise and shine, cupcake,” Luke poked his head into the open doorway of the guest bedroom Ben had procured. “We’ve got to get out and check the pots.” 

Scrubbing a hand down his face, Ben groaned. “I don’t want any part of your weed enterprise.”

Luke snorted. “Lobster and crab pots, smart ass. Get dressed. You might want to layer up.” 

“Isn’t it a little cold for lobsters and crabs?” Ben grumbled, scraping at the sleep in his eyes.

“Ideal crab season in Maine starts in October, and you can get some good hard shell lobsters in October and November. Let’s go, my cantankerous nephew. I’m putting you to work.”

Luke disappeared, his footsteps receding down the hallway, clomping back downstairs in his fishermen boots. His uncle had assimilated into the Maine lifestyle with ease. 

“It’s too early for this shit,” Ben mumbled to Chewie, who in turn quirked his head to the side, judging Ben silently. Ruffling the fur at the dog’s head, Ben got to work dressing as warmly as he could. Luckily, he’d had the foresight to pack more rugged gear, figuring Luke would do something just like this.

Both Luke and Han were preparing the trawler for cast-off when Ben neared the end of the dock, stomping his feet to get the blood pumping. His gloved hand clutched at a thermos of coffee, taking savoring sips of the warm liquid. 

“Hey, nice of you to join us, Frankenstein!” Han greeted with a smirk. Ben extended a long, middle finger. Han just laughed. 

“Ben, when you get on, pull in the buoy at the back for me,” Luke bid. 

Ben hopped to, setting his thermos in a cup holder near the steering wheel, radio, and other controls. The wind chill chased away whatever warmth Ben had managed to retain, a wicked northeasterly wind coming off of the cove. It’d get worse once they got further into the bay and then open ocean.

After about a half hour, Ben couldn’t feel the cold anymore. His face was numb, his hands were numb, his chest was numb, though that might not have anything to do with the cold. At first, he couldn’t understand why the fuck he had to help his uncle with this shit. After about the third lobster pot, Ben found himself immersed in the labor. He had donned a pair of more hearty gloves, and would lean over the side of the trawler to grasp the next buoy as Han steered them in. Giving a swift tug, Ben would then begin pulling, the weight of the trap causing him to perspire across his forehead. He and Luke would then haul the basket up onto a makeshift table, where Luke would examine the lobsters or the crabs to determine if he could keep them. 

After the sixth pot, they had a pretty good haul. There were a handful more to go, and by the time they hit all of Luke’s traps, Ben felt like he’d had the first fulfilling day of work in a very long time. 

They returned to Luke’s house a little after 1 p.m. After storing the haul and a quick change, the three men sat for a simple lunch. 

“What do you do with them?” Ben asked over a ham and cheese sandwich. 

“Normally, I have a booth at the farmers’ market in town, but we’re off season, so I sell them to the local market.”

“You really do grow weed too, don’t you?” Ben asked with a sly grin. “In that greenhouse over there,” he pointed to a tucked away little shed camouflaged by trees and bushes.

“ _ Hey _ , I have a license to grow it for medical use, okay? When June rolls around next year though, and the first recreational dispensaries open, you bet your ass I’ll have my product there.” 

_ Fuckin’ hippie _ . 

“You’ve grown your own strain, haven’t you?” 

“Course I have,” Luke replied, polishing off the rest of his sandwich with a satisfied, smug look on his face.

~*~

Luke and Han waited until Wednesday before coming at Ben for the reason of his visit. So far, his time had been spent out on the water, checking the pots daily and taking the haul into town to sell. Ben had never scoffed at hard labor like this. Hell, he’d consider working in the garage hard labor. It’d been so long since he’d spent an extended amount of time in the shop that didn’t involve checking the books. This was what he’d needed. Completing this work made him feel accomplished, like what he did mattered. What he did at First Order? It was just to keep the pockets of already rich people padded. Fixing cars? Selling delicious lobsters and crabs? Jobs like that truly made a difference for people that  _ mattered _ .

Ben contemplated this further as the three men finished their surf and turf meal that Wednesday evening. They sat on the screened-in porch, enjoying an unseasonably warm evening. He’d gorged himself on steak and shrimp, sauteed asparagus, and a baked potato. His uncle had always been a phenomenal cook. 

Sitting back against the cushion of the patio chair, Ben clutched a Sam Adams, taking savoring sips sighing in contentment. 

“Not that we’re not thrilled to spend time with you, kid, but what’re you doin’ here?” Han asked, mincing no words.

Ben knew this would come, and he was thankful they’d waited a few days.

He sighed, taking a fortifying sip of beer before setting it on the glass table top. 

“It’s Snoke,” Luke stated, confidently. 

“Partly,” Ben nodded.

“A woman?” His dad asked.

“The other part,” Ben nodded again.

“Wow, you have interest in the ladies?” Han asked, eyebrow arched.

Ben nearly choked. “Uh, yeah dad, I do.” 

“Not that there’s anything wrong if you weren’t interested in the ladies,” Luke was quick to jump in.

“No, of course not. It’s 2020, I’m awake,” Han said.

Ben almost lost it. “It’s ‘woke,’ dad.”

“Right, woke,” Han mumbled. 

“What Han’s trying to say is that we don’t care if you like ladies, gents, or no one at all. We’re always here for you, kiddo,” his uncle said.

Despite the fact that he and Luke hadn’t always seen eye-to-eye, in that moment, Ben could see just how supported he was, even from the most unlikely source. Yet one more thing he’d always been blind to. 

“Anyway, tell us what’s going on. You’ve been more surly than normal,” Han said.

“How do you know that? We haven’t talked in weeks.” 

“I just know…” Han replied with a shrug.

Ben sighed. This was it. His chance to truly speak what’s been weighing down his shoulders to two people left in this world that matter most. Not Amilyn. Not Sheev. Not Snoke. His father and his uncle. Taking a deep breath, Ben took another sip of beer, liquid courage, before beginning.

“So, the couple that rented our house invited me to dinner…”

Everything spilled out. Everything that had happened the summer with Rey, which Ben had never spoken of to either his father or his uncle. Then about meeting Rey again, and the encounters they’d had, how his feelings for her had clearly never subsided. Talk of Rey bled into Snoke, the catalyst for his retreat to the wilds of Maine. His father fumed, and Luke just sat, pensive. 

“... and then, I came here, got conscripted into being a hick fisherman for a week, and here we are.”

“First of all, I’m  _ appalled _ that I never got to meet this Rey girl,” Han joked, trying to lighten his son’s mood.

Ben’s lips curled into a half smile. “You would’ve liked her, dad. She knows more than either of us about fixing cars.”

“Well, I don’t know about that…” Han grumbled.

“So, the thing with Rey,” Luke jumped in, in usual Luke fashion, ready to find a solution. “There’s a real simple fix. And I think you know what you need to do about that, Ben.” 

“I’m not sure I do,” Ben sighed. 

“Yeah, you do,” Luke coaxed. “If you still feel this strongly about a woman  _ ten years later _ , then Benjamin, you  _ tell _ her. She said herself in the elevator that she didn’t know what to feel seeing you again. That could be a good sign she still feels the same for you. You don’t know until you  _ talk _ to her. What you feel for her isn’t something that comes often, and lasts  _ this long _ . It’s something special. And you can’t let that go.”

“She’s not going to want to talk to me anymore. Not after the shit I’ve said to her.”

“You don’t know that. You're making decisions for her again. You did then, and you are now. You’re letting old voices dictate for you what you should do. Push them out, Ben. The only voice you should hear is yours.” 

Ben gnawed on his lips, mashing them together over and over, overcome with sadness. His eyes welled with tears, the scene before him growing blurry. 

“You know how hard that’s been? My whole life?” Ben asked, his voice shaking. “Mom’s, dad’s, your’s, Amilyn’s, Sheev’s, Snoke’s… I’m not even sure I know what my own thoughts are.”

“Yes you do, son,” Han replied softly. 

“The worst part of it all? I don’t hear  _ her _ voice anymore,” Ben sniffled. “I don’t remember what it sounds like.”

There was silence as Han’s jaw clenched and unclenched, and Luke leveled him with his piercing gaze. 

“Those we love never really leave us, Ben,” Luke said. “Whether you know it or not, you hear your mom’s voice in yours. Everyday. And you hear your own. Whether you think you do or not. You came here. That was your own decision. I’ve been pushing for years, you’d say no, and now you’re finally here. That’s not me. That was all you. That God awful Sam Adams you bought at the grocery store was also all you. I can’t drink that shit.”

Ben laughed, brushing away tears. 

“All your mother ever wanted for you was to be happy, son,” Han spoke up. “I think you’ve lost sight of that somewhere over the years. You lost sight of it being wrapped up in what I wanted, what Amilyn wanted, what Sheev wanted, what Snoke wants… you heard our ideas and took them as  _ her’s _ , as a way to feel her close. I know, I get that. It’s natural. But now you need to silence those voices, and only let yours remain. You’ve got to think for you. You’ve got to think about what  _ Ben Solo _ wants out of life.”

Ben didn’t respond, but then Han and Luke weren’t expecting an answer. 

But he knew. 

Ben had always known the answer. 

He never allowed himself to believe he could have it.

Until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Come find me on Twitter @JGoose13! I also lurk on many a Discord server...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're coming to a close on MHABTY which is a huge deal, considering I used to never finish WIP, hah. I'd say two more chapters, and we'll bring this story to an end. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also... as with any Jane Austen-esque story... herein lies a letter. Okay, I might've taken some words from Captain Wentworth, but they're _good_ words!
> 
> Thanks as always to [ LadyofReylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofreylo) for betaing!

Saturday arrived, and Ben had a plan. Or rather, a small percentage of a plan. A general outline. Okay, more of an idea?

Scratching behind Chewie’s ears, Ben bid goodbye to his father and uncle. For the first time since he could remember, he hugged them. His arms went around each of them in turn, and clung tightly. It felt damn good for them to return the embrace. Like he’d been starved of this affection his whole life. Misty eyed, he threw his bags into the back of his Honda, and turned. 

“Thanks,” he said softly to them. “For everything.”

Luke shrugged, and Han just waved him off. 

“We didn’t really do anything but put you to work,” his uncle replied. 

“Right. Of course,” Ben smiled wryly, before beginning to fold himself into the driver’s seat. 

“Ben!” His dad called out. 

Ben stopped, looking back to his father.

“If you need anything. You always have us, you know?”

Ben nodded, his lips curling ever so slightly upward. He got behind the wheel, and set out back to the city.

~*~

It was late afternoon by the time he arrived at his apartment. He had laundry to do, and decided to fire up his laptop and do what he could to catch up on some work. The whole time he’d been on his “walkabout” in Maine, Ben hadn’t checked his work email, nor had he answered any text messages (not that he’d gotten any). 

When he opened the Outlook program, it was as if he’d been gone a year. 

All the emails were either from Mr. Pryde or Snoke himself. Every single one had some sort of task to be completed when “he returned from his time away.” 

They both were punishing him. Snoke on purpose, and Pryde probably at Snoke’s behest. 

Ben sighed, and closed Outlook. He then opened a browser tab, and began a search. 

It didn’t  _ hurt _ anyone to  _ look _ , right? 

Never once in his ten years at First Order Financials had he felt compelled to search for a new job. Ben had convinced himself he was fine there, that he wouldn’t be able to have a better job elsewhere. That it would be difficult to restart the building of work relationships in a new environment. Seeing Rey’s financial department, and being at the receiving end of Snoke’s disappointment about the Kamino account, had opened his eyes. Maybe part of it was Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe part of it was some kind of misplaced loyalty in Snoke that kept him there.

It was like coming out of a cave after years of living in darkness. Light blinded, but it illuminated, showing him the things he either couldn’t see or refused to see. 

For the rest of the evening and well into the night, Ben put out his feelers, seeing what jobs were available. He had options. It wasn’t like he couldn’t go anywhere else. It was just a matter of getting the courage to apply. 

The mere thought was terrifying. Ben had been handed his current job. Writing a cover letter, beefing up his resume, interviewing… the prospect caused him to break into a cold sweat.

Ben spent Sunday  _ not _ thinking about his professional life. 

Instead, he sat at his secretary desk, an heirloom from his grandmother, and pulled out paper and a pen. 

He’s not sure how long he sat there, staring at the faint blue lines of the notebook paper. Words didn’t want to come, and Ben couldn’t force them. 

His eyes glanced up, meeting a picture of his mother that hung on the wall. It was an old picture, from her college days at NYU. She smiled at him, her brown eyes reading him even from a long ago moment in time. 

His eyes burned, a wave of sadness crashing over him. 

It occurred to Ben he might not have ever properly grieved his mother’s death. Any thought of it had been pushed away, tamped down deep into a far crevice of himself, better to move on and not deal with it then to just plain deal with it. 

“I miss you, mom,” he whispered into the silence, his voice wavering. Leia continued to smile back, knowingly, as if in the moment that picture had been taken, she foresaw Ben sitting there, miserable. He remembered that smile. Leia had always given it to him when he brought home his report card, or pasta art, or had cleaned his room without her asking. 

It was a smile of fondness and pride. 

_ All your mother ever wanted for you was to be happy, _ his father had said. 

Sucking in a deep breath, Ben put pen to paper, and began to write.

~*~

When Ben faced the cubicle farm of First Order Financials Monday morning, he saw it with a different perspective. Not that he’d ever gotten joy out of seeing the work day ahead, maybe had even felt anxiety, but he’d never felt… disgust? Annoyance? 

He felt those emotions and more now, as he forced his feet to move to his desk. 

There were a million and one sticky notes littering his computer monitor and the cheap surface of his desk. There were a few silly ones from Hux, but most were from Pryde on behalf of Snoke, reiterating the information in the zillions of emails still unread in his inbox. He sat down and began collecting them, sorting the notes as he went. The Hux notes he kept, but the majority of the notes from Pryde he chucked in his garbage can. 

New day, new work week… a new Ben Solo. 

As he worked through the day, Ben found himself caught between feeling no motivation whatsoever to do work and feeling anxious at what he intended to do at the end of the day. Mostly, he felt nothing, like he was stuck in  _ Office Space _ , near ready to burn this entire building to the fucking ground over a red stapler. 

“Hey,” Hux greeted, ducking into Ben’s cubicle. “Apologies, I meant to come see you sooner, but Snoke’s had me working on this bullshit project that’s taking up too much of my time. How was Maine?” 

Ben conveyed all that had happened on his short journey to Maine. 

“... so yeah. Now here I am. Thanks again, Hux.” 

The redhead furrowed his brow. “For what?” 

“For convincing me to go.” 

Hux scoffed. “You’ve  _ always _ wanted to go, and  _ always _ talked yourself out of it. I merely didn’t let you this time. So, let’s start planning your next little vacation over lunch, shall we?” 

The remainder of the day flew, and the numbness Ben felt gave way to more anxiousness. By the end of the work day, he’d victoriously made it without seeing Pryde or Snoke. How he’d avoided a message that would have no doubt been a terse summoning to Snoke’s office, Ben wasn’t sure. But he was sure as hell not going to dwell on it. 

Packing up his belongings, he pulled the sealed envelope from a hidden pocket of his satchel. He’d stuck it there before he left his apartment that morning, to keep it safe. Ben strode out of that cubicle farm like it was on fire behind him, and took the stairs. He was too impatient to take the elevator.

Striding up the sidewalk, Water Street was packed with vehicles. Everyone was in the rush to get home, happy to put Monday behind them and push into Tuesday. Ben’s focus was singular. On the outside, he appeared calm and collected. On the inside, he was a wreck. His heart jackhammered behind his ribs, his blood rushed violently through his veins, his skin felt tight, but more than anything, he felt determined. 

Ben bounded up the series of concrete stairs and landings to the entrance of the Jakku Building. Once inside, he stopped at the visitors’ desk, using his First Order ID to feign business with Niima Technologies. The security guard granted him a visitor pass, and Ben slid into an elevator. 

The ride up felt long. Long enough for his hands to begin to shake a little from being in the enclosed compartment. He could handle the shorter rides, but the one thing about New York was the damn tall skyscrapers. Ben put his focus into his hands then, into the right hand that held the letter, feeling the energy he’d put on paper last night. It calmed him. But only just. 

When the elevator signaled his arrival, he let out a shaky, relieved breath as he stepped off. The floor of the CEO’s office was vastly different than that of the financial department, yet just as inviting and homey. Immediately in front was the receptionist’s desk, then a waiting area behind her. There was a large conference room to the left, no doubt where the board met. And to the right was Rey’s office, the view of it blocked partially by a pillar. 

“Sir, how can I help you?” 

Ben’s attention was jarred, surprised that the receptionist was still there. She’d been in the middle of leaving, however, with her jacket on and bag draped over her shoulder. 

“Oh, uh… I needed to speak with Ms. Niima, is she in?” 

“Do you have an appointment?” The receptionist asked, though she knew the answer, because she no doubt knew Rey’s calendar by heart. 

“No, I’m… I work for First Order Financials. I wanted to speak with her briefly about her account.” Ben pulled out his ID to verify. 

“Hold on one moment…” The receptionist picked up the phone and dialed into Rey’s office. After a quick exchange, she hung up. “She’s expecting you. Have a good night.”

“You too,” Ben replied, and the receptionist disappeared over to the elevator bank. 

Taking a fortifying breath, Ben forced his feet to move. 

Rey’s office, like Poe’s, was walled by windows. It was a larger room than Poe’s, and filled with more of that Godforsaken IKEA furniture. For a brief second, Ben hoped he wouldn’t have to sit down.

As he went around the pillar, Ben froze. 

Rey sat behind her desk, looking over at something on her computer. 

And Poe fucking Dameron stood awfully close, one arm braced on her desk, his chest nearly against her back, looking over her shoulder at the screen. 

If she hadn’t looked up in that moment, hazel eyes zoning in on him, nailing him to where he stood, Ben would’ve turned and ran. 

Ben couldn’t read the emotion behind her gaze. He couldn’t read what she was thinking. Her face was entirely void of emotion, and after their exchange that Friday evening, he couldn’t blame her. 

Poe, unsure of what had pulled his CEO’s attention away from their conversation, looked up. His usual charismatic smile bloomed as he stood up straight. 

“Solo! Come on, come on!” He waved him in, akin to that day Ben had brought the tax paperwork. 

Ben pursed his lips, cursed under his breath, and pushed forward. He stood in the doorway, not daring to take another step. 

“You have something to discuss with me?” Rey asked. “If it’s financial, you can talk about it with Poe. Lucky for you that he’s here.” 

That was a dismissal if Ben had ever heard one.

“Actually,” Ben cut in before Poe could respond. “I need to talk to you.”

“I can’t imagine what for,” Rey said, her voice cool, contained. “All financial discussions can, and should, go through my CFO. That’s what I pay him for.”

“This isn’t a financial discussion,” Ben shot back. 

“Then what on earth kind of discussion could it be? I’ve only met you  _ a handful of times _ , Mr. Solo.”

Poe stood silently off to the side now, looking back and forth between his CEO and Ben. The words were innocuous enough, but the tone behind their voices made it seem like there was something more hidden. 

“Um… I’m gonna go, I’ll talk to you more about this lat--”

“No, Poe, you don’t need to go. Mr. Solo and I have nothing to talk about,” Rey interrupted. 

Ben found himself tempted to try and dismiss Poe himself. To send him away. It would be such a good feeling…

“I’ve got-- I’ve got that thing… uh… dinner, we’ll talk tomorrow!” For the first time, Ben witnessed Poe Dameron flustered, shuffling awkwardly, not sure how to react. Poe scrambled from the room, shooting another goodbye over his shoulder as he headed back to his office.

“ _ God _ , you are un-fucking-believable,” Rey gritted through clenched teeth, shooting to her feet, hands braced on the table, shoulders hunched in irritation.

Before he could lose his nerve, Ben stepped forward and tossed the envelope on her desk. It skidded to a halt between her hands. 

“I just… needed to give you that. And to say…  _ I’m sorry _ . I’m sorry for being an asshole.” And because Ben had never been great with words and platitudes, he nodded, and turned on his heel, rushing out much in the fashion that Poe had made his exit. 

When he reached the elevator bank, Poe was gone, having made his escape, so Ben crammed his finger into the down arrow, hitting it a few times, as if that would get the elevator to arrive faster. 

“Ben Solo!” Came Rey’s accented, sweet but venomous tone. It carried across the space, and Ben couldn’t get the fuck out of there fast enough. The click of her heels preceded her, walking around the pillar with the sealed envelope clutched in her hand. “You  _ do not _ get to come in here and walk away! Not when you so rudely interrupted a work meeting!”

“Oh, a  _ work _ meeting,” Ben grumbled. “Seemed awfully cozy…”

Rey rolled her eyes, once more taking the stance that said she was forever irritated with him, arms crossed, hip jutted out. “We’re going to start that conversation again?”

The elevator signaled its arrival, and the doors trundled open. 

_ Thank fuck _ . 

Looking back, Ben couldn’t say he was proud of how quickly he  _ ran _ onto the elevator, trying to get away from her like the coward he could be. 

But Rey Niima didn’t get where she was today by giving up. She slinked through the doorway just as it was about to shut, closing them in… again.

_ Jesus, what was it with them in elevators? It’s a fucking pattern _ . 

“Benjamin Solo,  _ listen _ to me when I’m talking to you, you owe me that much.” 

Ben’s eyes locked on to the floor indicator, watching the numbers count down. 

“Just read it, Rey,” Ben said, deep voice gruff, indicating the envelope. 

“I will, once you explain to me what the hell you’re thinking. I swear, you’re hot and then cold, I can’t keep up with the whiplash…”

“Just read the damn letter, Rey, and that’s that.”

Rey opened her mouth to retort, but the elevator shuddered to a jarring halt. 

And remained still. 

Ben’s heart began beating double time, his eyelids fluttering closed at the realization of his new predicament. 

“ _ Fuck _ , not again,” he moaned, hating how his voice trembled. 

Like that fateful evening ten years ago, Rey immediately sprung into action. She came forward, grasping Ben’s shoulders to gingerly move him against the back of the elevator. Then, she went turned to the controls, hitting the emergency button. 

Ben sunk to the elevator floor, thinking it had to be much cleaner than the one back in that NYU dorm. He pulled his knees to his chest while Rey pushed her weight around as owner of the building to get the elevator up and running ASAP. After all the posturing she could manage, the tinny voice on the other end said it would still be at least 45 minutes before anyone could get there. 

His head hung forward, forehead resting on his knees. Deep breaths. In and out. In and out. 

“In and out… In and out… that’s it…” 

Startled, Ben picked up his head to see Rey had settled next to him, one hand on his shoulder, coaxing him through his breaths. Her voice, soothing and soft, was a far cry from the Fury she’d been only minutes before.

“Are you going to be okay?” She asked. 

Ben nodded. “Y-Yeah. I think so.” 

“Still haven’t been able to curb the claustrophobia, huh?” Rey asked with a half smile. 

“Nope.” 

Rey sat back, extending her legs in front of her, and crossing them at the ankles.

“Should I open this? We’ve got a bit…” 

Ben turned his head, noticing his envelope still clutched in her hand. His wide shoulders lifted in a shrug. Rey took that as affirmation. 

Her thin, elegant finger slid beneath the loose part of the envelope flap, then carefully ripped across. Ben was mesmerized by her hands, had always been as a matter of fact, but he wasn’t sure he could watch her read the letter. He pushed his eyes elsewhere, to the control box in front of him. 

To his abject horror, Rey began to read it aloud. Not that he didn’t know his own words. He’d written them and rewritten them a million times. He could recite them now. But to hear them in her voice… It thrilled him and horrified him more than he thought it might.

“My Dearest Rey…” 

* * *

_ I can hardly write this for fear of fucking up further than I already have. _

_ I have been a most unmitigated asshole. Every word you spoke that Friday evening was true.  _

_ I am the king of avoidance. I always have been. Avoid confrontation, avoid feelings, avoid certain responsibilities… I’ve never been great at talking about my thoughts, always afraid that if I ever voiced them, I would chase people away. I never properly learned to process them, and to process my emotions. I’m working on it. In fact, I have an appointment with a therapist next week… _

_ Yes, most of the decisions I’ve made in my life weren’t my own. If I hadn’t let myself be persuaded, I might’ve gone to Boston University or UConn. I might’ve studied film, or Art History. I allowed myself to be influenced by some misguided belief that these people spoke in my mother’s voice, and that this is what my mother would’ve wanted for me. You were right. My mother would have wanted what would have made me happy. I had to hear it from you and my father and uncle to let it finally sink in.  _

_ I’ve been miserable letting them dictate my life for me. As a result of my weakness, I work in a job where I have to walk around like I’m on eggshells. The slightest thing could displease my boss; the littlest misstep could earn his disappointment. The office environment is like something straight out of communist Russia. Everyone is miserable, but we stay based on some misplaced loyalty. Or fear. Probably both. For the record, I’m searching for a new job, because seriously  _ _ fuck _ _ that place. _

_ I’m not letting anyone dictate my life anymore. I’m going to take time to figure out what Ben Solo wants out of life. And you’re right, you can’t and couldn’t help me. It’s my hurdle to get over, and I will… eventually…  _

_ That night we played trivia, you told me it didn’t matter that you’d remembered something about me. I believe your words to be false. I think you remember more than you care to admit.  _

_ I remember  _ _ everything _ _ about you: how you used to not like sushi, what you like on your cheeseburger (tomato, no lettuce, and a ton of ketchup), your favorite flavor of milkshake (strawberry), your favorite flower (daisies) how zen you get when you’re working under a hood, how you take your tea (a splash of milk) and your coffee (a ton of sugar and splash of cream), the way your nose scrunches when you’re pleased or when you’re irritated, how you despised  _ Jersey Shore _ , how you can recite every word to  _ The Princess Bride _ , the noise you make when you come… I could go on. _

_ You told me you didn’t feel as indifferent as you’d hoped, seeing me again after so long. Ten years is a long time to forget someone, to move on. And when I asked what you’d meant by those words, you never gave me a straight answer.  _

_ I’ve thought about those words. Contemplated them, rolled them over and over in my head.  _

_ Now, I can no longer continue in silence. I am half agony, half hope. Please don’t tell me I’m too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever.  _

_ You pierce my soul. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than ten years ago.  _

_ I have loved no one but you,  _ _ will _ _ love no one but you. Unjust I may have been, definitely weak, but never once did my feelings waver.  _

_ Have I read your feelings, as I think you have mine? I am every instant hearing something in your voice that allows me to believe you still feel for me what you felt. I can still distinguish the tones of your voice when they would be lost on others. _

_ Believe my love for you to be most fervent, most undeviating. _

_ I’ll leave you now, uncertain of my fate. But a word, a look, will be enough to reveal to me what I think is true. Or whether I leave you alone, so you may be with Poe. _

* * *

“... Yours Always, Ben.”

He didn’t have to look over to know there were tears streaming down her cheeks. He could hear the wetness of them in her voice, hear her intake of breath through her nose, the sniffling more adorable than he remembered. 

“Do you mean this?” She continued, after a long silence.

“Every word,” he replied without hesitation, and finally turned his body to take her in. 

Her eyes were brighter from the tears, more green. There were streaks of drying tears on her cheeks, and her bottom lip trembled. 

“I tried so hard,” she sniffled. “You would think that after ten years I would feel nothing for you. But I still do. God help me, I still love you, Ben Solo.” 

Ben’s heart soared, the lightest and most hopeful it’s felt in years. He parted his lips to speak, but she held her hand up to silence him.

“Please… it’s my turn.” 

Ben shut up instantly.

“You hurt me beyond measure. Even after knowing where I came from, how I grew up, knowing that most people weren’t permanent fixtures in my life. I poured my heart out to you, Ben Solo, because I felt --  _ believed _ \-- you would be permanent. That you would be different. But then, you left me like everyone else, and I didn’t think I’d ever fucking recover from that.” 

The tears were falling in a steady stream now. 

_ Fuck it _ , Ben slid closer, reaching out to Rey, touching her cheek lightly with his fingertips. When she didn’t pull away, he cupped her cheek in his hand. 

“But I did. I used it to fuel my life moving forward. But no matter how much I threw myself into my work, I couldn’t forget you. Every little thing I saw reminded me of you. I laid awake at night, my dreams a constant reel of memories. We were together such a short amount of time -- a few months? -- but it had felt like a lifetime.”

Rey stopped, pausing to inhale a shaky breath. She didn’t turn from his touch. In fact, she pushed into it. 

“God, ten years. And I still love you. That’s insane, right?” She laughed, a dry, humorless laugh. 

“It is,” Ben replied with a nod. “It’s absolutely insane. But I guess… I guess when you have a connection like we have, it could’ve been thirty years, and I’d still love you.” 

Rey sobbed, and collapsed into him, wrapping her arms around his torso. His arms immediately came around her, pulling her against his body. 

The elevator filled with the sounds of silent crying. Both their shoulders shook from the sheer emotion of their confessions, of this reunion. And for a moment, they were just Ben and Rey again, trapped once more in the elevator of that NYU dorm. 

_ Fuck, it felt good to have her in his arms again _ .

“I know there are no words I could say to take away the pain I caused you, Rey. It’s been ten years, and it’s only festered. I know, because it’s rotted away at me too. But if you’d let me, I would work for as long as you’d have me, using my actions to earn even just a grain of your forgiveness.” 

Rey pulled away, her bright hazel eyes meeting his whiskey brown. This time, it was her that reached to cup his cheek in her small hand. 

“I can’t fall back into us like nothing happened,” she prefaced, allowing a small smile to curl at her full lips. “But I want… I want to do this. I want to try. Ten years changes a person, but… but if we are as connected as we both believe… we’re still as meant for each other as the first day we met.” 

Her words coaxed a fresh wave of tears from him, but before he even realized what was happening, his mouth pulled back into the widest, brightest smile he’d had in years. 

The elevator then lurched to life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me on Twitter @JGoose753!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinkin' two more chapters, and that will be all she wrote for MHABTY!
> 
> Thanks as always to [ LadyofReylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofreylo) for betaing!

“Wait… Hux… these numbers aren’t right.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I  _ mean _ … I have hard copies of every account I’ve ever worked on, and I’m  _ telling you _ , the numbers were different when I submitted them.” 

“Are you saying you think someone flubbed the numbers before they made it to Kamino?” 

“I’m not sure what I’m saying, but something isn’t right here. I  _ knew _ my work was damn near flawless.” 

Ben and Hux sat at a back corner table in the bagel joint across from the First Order building. On his laptop screen, Ben had the official records for the Kamino account pulled up. In his hands were pages and pages of the copies he’d made before submitting to Pryde and Snoke for the final comb through. His numbers did not match what was actually submitted to the Kamino company. 

“You’re not just tinfoil hat-ing this, are you?” Hux asked, his tone skeptical. 

“Swear to God,  _ these _ were my numbers when I submitted them,” Ben brandished the papers just under Hux’s nose. “The numbers that actually got to Kamino were so wrong, it’s not even funny. Like… illegal, not funny.” 

Hux’s blue eyes widened. “Oh shit… do you think…” 

Hux stopped, and the both of them looked around the cafe, expecting to see some shady figure watching and listening in. 

It was Thursday, and both friends currently sat on their lunch break. Ben had been looking at the Kamino numbers for a couple of days now, so flabbergasted at the change that he didn’t know  _ what _ to think. That morning, he’d finally resolved to talk to Hux about it, trusting his best friend to hear his concerns. After Ben’s revelation, they went back over some of Ben’s other accounts, and though he didn’t remember exact figures, Ben knew for certain something was off. 

“Someone’s been fucking with my accounts, Hux. And all of the data records say I was the only one that was logged in to change anything. And I swear to you, I didn’t.”

“Ben, come on, of course I believe you. You don’t need to defend yourself to me. I just didn’t think that anyone in FO would be stupid enough to…”

Hux stopped, his words tapering off. 

Neither of them wanted to say it out loud. 

_ Embezzle _ . 

Someone was stealing from First Order’s clients. That someone was also attempting to pin it on Ben. How long had this been going on? How had he not noticed before? How had anyone not noticed before? 

“Oh God,” Ben choked, a thought dawning. 

“What’s wrong?” Hux asked. 

“Rey…” 

Ben’s fingers began flying across the keyboard, calling up the online account file for Niima Technologies. As soon as the window opened, and all of Rey’s information had loaded, Ben’s eyes scanned over the screen. Without having been the one to develop this portfolio, Ben would have no idea if anything was different. 

“You think she might be affected too?”

“Why wouldn’t she? It seems others are…” 

“Ben, wait… you’ve got to stop looking. The records will show you’ve accessed them.” 

Ben’s fingers, poised over the mousepad, froze. Once Hux’s warning had processed, he quickly logged out of the database, and pulled his hands back. 

He hadn’t thought of that, idiot. 

“We have to do this carefully,” Hux continued. “A company of this size and scope… it would take some serious evidence. I’ll need to talk to Gwen. Just… don’t do anything rash, okay? We can’t fuck this up until we’re sure and we have what we need. Got it?”

Ben nodded. Without a doubt in his mind, Snoke was guilty, and he wondered why he’d never considered it before. The guy was such a snake, venomous and slithery. Ben had never particularly liked Pryde either. The guy simpered, practically worshipped Snoke, and did everything he was told.

A familiar anger ignited in his gut, frustration of the injustice of it, of how Snoke was trying to have him take the fall, should he ever be discovered. 

_ Oh  _ hell _ no _ .

Ben had given that man ten years of his life, heeding his mentorship, valuing everything he’d learned. Sheev Palpatine had been so compelling, leading Ben to believe that working for Snoke would be the best career move he could make. It had cost him Rey. And what was it all for? What had he gotten for his heartache?

Not a  _ Goddamn _ thing.

Had Sheev known this would happen? Had he picked Leia Organa’s son just to spite her memory? To punish her for always having the power, leaving him with none?

Too bad the old fucker was dead, Ben would’ve loved to have a few words. 

~*~

Five o’clock hit, and Ben hustled to the stairs. 

He and elevators were on a quasi-break. He’d take the stairs down, but he took the elevator up because he wasn’t about to climb floors and floors of steps. He hated the damn death traps, but not  _ that _ much.

His feet hit the pavement outside and quickly ate up distance. Anticipation and excitement flourished in his chest, propelling him forward faster. 

He had a date. 

A smile began to bloom when he saw a familiar figure standing on the sidewalk in front of the Jakku Building. 

It’d been a week since the elevator, the letter, and their teary confessions. They’d taken things slowly, which Ben felt grateful for as well. It was as though they were learning each other all over again. At the same time, though, neither of them were  _ completely _ different than they were ten years ago. At the heart of it, they were still the same recent college grad and college freshman.

“Hey,” he greeted, when he finally grew near. As always, the proximity to her made his skin hum and his heart lurch. 

“Hello,” she greeted, turning her breathtaking smile to him. Rey closed the minimal distance, curling her arms around his waist to embrace him. 

Immediately, he felt lighter, like his discovery earlier would be nothing to overcome. Ben’s arms came around her, and he rested his chin on her head. He was home.

“How was your day?” He whispered against her hair, which fell in soft waves around her face, to her shoulders.

“Long. Exhausting. Better now,” she said, her voice muffled by his chest. “How was yours?”

Ben shrugged, his hand splayed against her back, smoothing along the expanse, to soothe. “It was okay. Better now.” 

He felt Rey’s smile before he saw it. She pulled away to gaze up at him. Ben didn’t dare to hope, didn’t want to rush her, but in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her. He’d promised himself to let her set the pace. 

Rey’s hazel hues dropped to his mouth, and back to his eyes. Ben’s breath caught in his throat, stomach churning as she stepped closer. He didn’t move, could barely breathe. Rey was tall for a woman, and though with heels, she nearly met his eyes, she wore flats now. She rolled onto her toes slowly, bringing her mouth closer to his, and he thought this might be it. Finally, after ten years, he’d feel her lips again.

A sleek, black SUV pulled up to the curb next to them. It caught Rey’s attention. Her head turned away, and she rocked back to her heels.

“Our ride is here…” 

Rey’s driver, Quinn, appeared around the hood of the Cadillac Escalade. 

“Good evening, Miss Niima. Mr. Solo,” he greeted, before opening the back passenger side door for them. 

“Hello, Quinn. How was your day?” Rey asked, stepping up to the open door. 

“Not bad, Miss Niima. Not bad,” Quinn replied cheerfully. Rey smiled and slid across the back seat to make room for Ben. 

“Hey, Quinn,” he said as he climbed in next to Rey. 

“Mr. Solo,” Quinn nodded. When Ben’s leg was clear, Quinn closed the door and walked back around the hood of the car. 

Since Rey reappeared in Ben’s life, he’d never really thought twice about her success in terms of money. He knew her story, the  _ Wunderkind _ as Forbes had dubbed her. Having looked over her financial accounts with First Order, he’d been stunned to see how much money she had. And those accounts were only a few of many. 

Rey herself didn’t  _ act _ wealthy, not that that came as a surprise to him. She was as humble as ever, and from what he’d read (because of course he finally read up on her) she gave out a lot of charitable donations. For someone with a lot of money, she invested most of it back in her people and into the world.

Again, not a surprise. 

Of course, Rey was only human, and did indulge, but if there was anyone in this world that Ben knew, Rey was the one that deserved to fucking indulge. 

They’d been on several outings since the elevator, and they constantly fought over who would pay the bill. Ben insisted it was the gentlemanly thing to do, whereas Rey argued it was the 21st century, and women could pay. They’d settled on taking turns, and tonight’s dinner was on Ben. 

“Where to?” Quinn asked after clicking his seatbelt into place. 

Ben smiled, and gave Quinn an address. 

“Where are you taking me?” Rey asked, a pleased smile playing on her lips. 

“It’s a surprise…” 

They chatted idly as Quinn navigated through the busy streets. The post-work rush had begun. Twenty minutes later, Quinn pulled up in front of a non-descript restaurant. Ben piled out of the back of the SUV, and held his hand out for Rey. 

“Thank you, Quinn. I think we’ll be set for the rest of the evening. I’m in safe hands,” Rey told the driver through the open back door.

“Sure thing, Miss Niima. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

Rey closed the door, and Quinn slid into traffic, disappearing up the street. 

“Now… where have you brought me, Benjamin?” Rey practically purred, her accent making him feel weak in the damn knees.

“You don’t remember this place?”

Rey looked closer at the sign, noticing that the entrance was here, however the restaurant proper was actually up on the next floor.

“You brought me back for dim sum,” she murmured.

“I did.” 

Rey turned to him. A smile slowly spread, her eyes misty. “How could I forget? How could I forget that day?”

Ben swallowed thickly, pushing his own nostalgia back. “It was… a  _ great _ day.” 

Rey smiled just that much more, then grabbed his hand and shuffled him in.

Heaps of food later, Ben and Rey stifled their laughter so as not to disturb the other diners around them. They had carried on the entire duration of their meal, but that did not stop Rey from eating as much food as she could. Ben felt a bit of deja vu, watching her. If he could feed her for the rest of his life, he’d be damn content.

“Oh God… I ate too much…” Rey chuckled, sitting back in her chair and stroking her palm across her belly. So endearing. So adorable. He’d missed this beyond words.

Their waiter swept up to the table to clear their plates. “Refill for your tea? Or some coffee?”

Ben looked to Rey, who shrugged. “No, I think we’re good, thank you. Just the bill.”

The waiter nodded and scooted away.

“Tell me you’re not too full for dessert?”

“Dessert?” Rey jerked upright. “I always have room for dessert.”

Ben laughed. 

“You know… this has been a really  _ good _ week,” Rey said softly. Her strong, lithe hand reached across the table to cover Ben’s. It was second nature to twist his wrist, palm meeting palm. Their fingers curled around each other. 

“It’s been the best week,” Ben nodded. 

“Is it weird-- weird how it feels like we’ve picked up right where we left off?”

“Definitely weird, but I’m not surprised? Still, I wanted to… I wanted to punish myself a little more, before I could let myself be happy.”

Rey’s eyes dulled, the sorrow in them palpable.

“Ben.  _ Don’t _ . Don’t do that to yourself. We agreed we would move forward with a clean slate. The past is in the past. We’re killing it, remember?”

Fuck, his words thrown back in his face.  _ Kill it if you have to _ .

“Leave the baggage behind. Let’s look to the future. Whatever future we can make together,” Rey pressed on.

Ben had forgotten how her words always comforted him. 

“It’s weird, yes, but it feels  _ right _ . And I’ve had a long time to think about it,” Rey chuckled. “To think about you.” 

A small smile curled at his lips. “You know… days before I saw you at my-- Rose and Finn’s… I saw your Forbes cover.  _ Wunderkind _ .”

Rey laughed and laughed. The wind chimes tinkling in the breeze again. God, he loved that sound. Would bathe in that sound if he could.

“Oh God,  _ that _ ?”

“You should’ve seen it. I almost had a freak out in the middle of a convenience store.”

Rey chuckled. 

“Seems like fate, huh?” Rey smirked slightly, squeezing his hand.

“Yeah… fate,” he replied absently, distracted by the curve of her mouth and the warmth in her eyes. 

The waiter returned with the bill, which Ben settled quickly, then led Rey from the restaurant and up the street, out of Chinatown.

A soft wind whipped off the East River and raced up the street, biting at their faces. Ben instinctively reached for Rey, curling an arm around her shoulder and tugging her against his side. 

“Thank you,” she sighed. “By the way, where are you taking me now?” 

“Another surprise,” Ben chuckled, near gleefully.

The further they walked uptown, the more Ben wondered if she could guess where they were going. Another fifteen minutes later, and he stopped them in front of one of New York’s most famous landmarks.

“Oh Christ, I haven’t been here since senior year,” Rey laughed, looking to Ben, delight reflected in her eyes. 

“Shall we?” 

McSorley’s Old Ale House was as it had been the last time Ben came, ten years ago when he’d brought Rey, rather illegally: teeming with people, clinking of glasses, and filled with boisterous merrymaking.

They muscled their way to a vacant table in a corner. They weren’t seated long before a familiar face appeared at their table. It was Duncan, ten years older, but still him. His age showed a little more in the crow’s feet at his eyes, and the wrinkles near his mouth, but it was the same Irishman.

“Holy shite!” Duncan exclaimed, once he’d processed the faces of the two patrons. “Solo. And Rey! It’s been too long!”

“Duncan!” Rey and Ben greeted. They exchanged a few pleasantries before Duncan disappeared, and brought back their usual orders: dark beer for Rey and light beer for Ben. How the bartender remembered was beyond them.

“We don’t usually have it, but I’ve got a coupla slices of cheesecake in the back. Interested?” Duncan asked.

Ben turned to Rey.

“Hell yeah. Always down for cheesecake,” Rey grinned.

He’d had a late night bakery in mind for dessert, but cheesecake would do. 

Duncan returned with two plates, each holding a generously sized slice of cheesecake, and two forks. 

“On the house.”

Before they could protest, Duncan whisked back to the bar.

“I see he hasn’t changed a bit,” Ben laughed, taking a sip from one of his two mugs of pale beer. 

They fell into easy conversation again. Ben listened, enraptured, as Rey spoke of the events of her life since the last time he saw her. NYU had been a bit of an adjustment for her, but eventually, she met Rose and Finn, and they helped her find her niche. She majored in engineering, as she always said she would, and had squeezed in a business minor as well. It was enough to start a fledgling business. Rey claimed luck, but Ben knew it had all been more about her hard work and determined spirit. She’d managed to lock in a couple of well-to-do investors, and her company took off almost overnight. 

“My company may have started off as a medical technology business, using my own designs, but we develop and manufacture all kinds of things: computer tech, space tech, flight tech… I sort of -- head hunted -- all the best engineers,” she chuckled. “It wasn’t hard, because I went to school with them.”

Ben was absolutely thrilled to hear about her success. Though he had no right, truly, he felt immense pride in her. He’d always known she would reach for the stars, and make it. 

“You’re absolutely amazing, Rey.”

Even in the dim light of the bar, he watched her cheeks flush at his praise. 

“I don’t know about all that--”

“You’re the only CEO that’s made millions of dollars and acts like that,” he grinned. “All humble.”

“I just remember where I came from. Some people can forget that with loads of disposable income.” 

Their slices of New York Cheesecake soon disappeared, and the topic of conversation turned towards Han’s garage.

“How is it doing? Is it really bad off?” Rey asked, concern etched in her brow. 

Ben shrugged. “I think it’s turning around. Rose and Finn renting the house has helped a lot. We’ve had to make cuts at the garage, but nothing drastic.”

“Not Ant…”

Of course Rey would ask about Antilles. He had been her favorite mechanic.

“No, he’s fine. We’ve not resorted to lay offs. I’m not that heartless, plus, it would kill my dad.”

Duncan reappeared to take their plates away, and asked if they wanted another round. 

“Sure!” Rey supplied. “Let’s change things up… I’ll get light this time.” 

Duncan nodded, and turned to Ben. 

“Fine, I’ll switch it up too and take dark.” He fished in his pocket for his wallet and handed Duncan a few bills. “We’ll close out the tab too. Keep the change, Duncan, seriously.” 

The older man beamed, taking the bills. When he returned, setting down the fresh mugs of beer, he clapped Ben on the shoulder. 

“Good to see you, lad. And you, lass. Don’t be strangers anymore, huh?”

“You got it, Dunc,” Ben replied.

“So… while we’re on the subject of your father’s garage… tell me about him,” Rey bid.

Ten years ago, Ben might have had a mini stroke at the thought of this conversation. 

Now? 

Now he found himself telling her about his trip to Maine after their spat on trivia night. He talked about the hideous Winnebago, and the ever loyal Chewie. Ben talked about his uncle, about his budding lobster and crab business, as well as the small marijuana enterprise in his back shed. It felt good to talk about them, and Ben wondered why he’d never done it before. 

With only the foam left at the bottom of the glasses, Rey and Ben departed McSorley’s with one final wave to Duncan. 

They huddled close together again, though the warm blanket of alcohol had settled over them as well. 

Between the dim sum, the cheesecake, and the beer, Ben felt relaxed, light, like the most carefree he’d felt in ages. This was good. This was  _ right _ . And this was  _ his _ .

“Come home with me,” Rey murmured, stopping him after they’d walked a few blocks. 

“What?” Ben asked, so intelligently. 

“Come  _ home _ with me,” Rey repeated, with a little more emphasis.

“Is that… Is that a good idea?” Ben stuttered.

Rey rolled her eyes, and reached up to grasp strands of his hair, forcing his eyes to hers, locking in place. 

“Ben,” Rey began. “I’m a grown woman. And I’m asking you, of sound mind and body, to come home with me… because I think it’s the best idea I’ve had all week.”

Ben swallowed thickly. 

“Are we far?”

This time, the smile that graced Rey’s face was far from coy, it was downright wicked. “Not too far. A few subway stops. In Chelsea.”

Still far enough for Ben’s agitation to get the better of him. 

“Alright…” Ben agreed, though there wasn’t another answer he would give.

Hands linked, they walked to the nearest subway station, and luckily didn’t have to wait long for the next train. They sat next to each other, heads bent close together, passing the time with murmured conversation.

“It’s, uh… been a minute,” Ben chuckled lowly. 

“That’s okay. I’ve not been a monk, but… it’s been too long.” Rey replied. 

That made Ben only  _ slightly _ less nervous than the first time they were intimate. 

Once back up on street level, Rey grabbed Ben’s hand and dragged him down the sidewalk. They only had to walk a few blocks before Rey came to a stop in front of a four story brownstone. This type of building material could be seen all over the city, and Ben had always loved the charm of it. 

Following hot on Rey’s heels, they scaled the steps to her front door. She turned the key in the knob, and quickly rushed in to silence the beeping security alarm. 

Ben had barely stepped in to close and lock the door behind him, setting his satchel to the side, before Rey turned and launched herself into his arms. Her lips crashed down onto his, and Ben was a fucking goner. 

Their mouths sucked furiously at each other, lips mashing, teeth nibbling into bottom lips, tongues tangling, and Lord, this is what it felt like coming out of the desert after ten years? 

Ben hauled Rey closer, their chests molding against each other, his arms vice-like around her waist. 

“My room…” Rey mumbled against Ben’s lips. “Upstairs…” 

He didn’t get much of a chance to take in her living space, not that it mattered in that moment. Reaching down, he swung his arm behind her knees and swept Rey up against him, bridal style. The contact of their mouths did not break once, as he stumbled around for the stairs.

Eventually he found them, noticing for a moment the elegant wood of the banister. After he ascended a flight, Rey had to stop him. 

“Up one more,” she breathed, nuzzling into his neck, lips ghosting over his fluttering pulse point. His eyes rolled into his head slightly, and Ben was sure he’d drop her. 

Forcing his legs to work, he carried her up to the third floor, turned left down the hallway, and right into her room. 

It was a large room, with a large bed, but that was all Ben took notice of before setting Rey to her feet at the edge of the bed. 

For the first time since they’d entered Rey’s home, Ben forced his mouth away, stopping their desperate kisses.

The dim glow of a lamp on one of the bedside tables cast deep shadows across the room. She must’ve left the thing on, something welcoming to come home to instead of an entirely dark and silent house. 

_ Fuck _ .

If she’d let him, he would never let her come home to an empty brownstone ever again. 

“Are you okay?” Rey asked, and Ben couldn’t help but laugh at her worry over him. 

“More than okay,” Ben whispered into the dark, taking in the glow of her hazel eyes, burning with some deep emotion.

His palms reached for her again, cradling her head in his hands. His whiskey-brown gaze took in her features, all he could in the soft lighting. 

If this was a dream, Ben never wanted to wake up. 

“I know,” Rey said softly. “I feel it too.”

In answer, Ben curled forward to press his lips to hers gently. In contrast to their previous kisses, now he focused on slow, languid. There would be a time for hurried, but it had been ten years, and he wanted to take his time with her again. 

Their tongues met, his sweeping into her mouth, tasting every crevice, teasing the delicate roof. Rey’s breath caught, the arms around his waist tightening, bunching into his shirt. She tugged, pulling the button down from the waistband of his slacks. Their lips parted and their foreheads touched as her fingers came around front, shaking, trying to loosen the buttons. He would help her, but there’s a determinedness in her eyes that had always been there, and Ben had learned long ago never to get in the way of it. 

When Rey freed the last button, she skimmed her palms up his chest, sneaking underneath either side, and pushed the fabric from his shoulders. Once it slid down his arms enough, Ben shucked it to the side. 

Rey’s eyes looked upon him hungrily, continuing her exploration of his torso, connecting his scattering of moles and beauty marks in a haphazard design. Her hands glided down his pectorals, and slid to curl around his sides, settling low on his hips. Ben hadn’t realized he’d held his breath the whole time, until he was forced to let it out in one long sigh.

“You’re flabbier than I remember,” Rey teased, pinching the minute, barely there pudge at Ben’s sides. A grunt punched up from his lungs, trying not to laugh. 

“I don’t go to the gym as religiously as I used to. No one has time for that,” he huffed in indignation. 

“I’m kidding,” Rey giggled. “You are still magnificent.”

Ben felt his cheeks flush, spreading into his ears, and he thanked God the light was minimal. 

His fingers then sought out the zipper of her dress, and pulled down slowly. The garment fell from her shoulders and pooled at her feet, revealing a lacy purple bra and panty set. 

“Jesus…” He muttered under his breath. “Breathtaking.” Ben let the back of his right hand trace over Rey’s collarbone, the ridges of his knuckles bumping across the bone. 

“Ben,” Rey said, a little louder than they’d been speaking. It effectively jarred him from his reverie. “I’m going to need you to stop gawking for a little while, and just touch me.” 

A huff of laughter whooshed through his nose. 

“I  _ am _ touching you.” 

Rey rolled her eyes, irritation pulling at her brow. 

“You know, you don’t look much different,” Ben observed, his eyes on her face mostly. Her body seemed fuller, probably from having three proper meals a day. But her eyes seemed older, wiser, and the same constellations of freckles dotted her face. 

“ _ Ben _ …” She warned again, this time through gritted teeth. 

“Shit, what about-- I didn’t think to bring--”

Rey shook her head furiously, causing the honeyed waves to jostle. “I’m on birth control, and I’m clean… if you are…? I just need to feel you, Ben…” 

“Y-Yeah, no, I’m good. All good.” 

“Good. Now stop fucking around, Ben, and make love to me.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Ben purred, before cupping his hands around the backs of her thighs and lifting her against him. He crawled onto the bed, laying her down against her giant mass of pillows. 

It didn’t take long for them to divest each other of the rest of their clothing, boxer-briefs tossed to the side, along with her bra and panties, leaving each other bare and almost vulnerable to each other’s gaze. 

“Christ,  _ that _ hasn’t changed,” Rey breathed, looking down his body at Ben’s erect cock. It twitched beneath her gaze, like the damn thing knew she was talking about it. Ben’s face heated again, and whatever retort he had choked in his throat when Rey curled her fingers around the base, slowly pumping, up and down.

“ _ Fuck _ , Rey…”

Her grip tightened, twisting her wrist slightly when she reached the flushed head. Her thumb reached out, smearing a bead of come, before sliding back down and teasing her fingers along the smooth skin of his balls. 

Ben let out another choked groan. His body, laid out beside her, curled into her hand and her, burying his face into the crook of her neck. 

“God, you’re gonna kill me…” Ben said, the words slightly muffled against the soft skin of her neck. 

He missed the pleased smile on her face that quickly turned to a pout when he uncurled her hand from his cock to roll her on top of him. 

“Enough of that… won’t last long if you keep that up…” He grinned up at her, stroking her thighs. “I’ve got a better idea…” 

Gripping her hips, Ben lifted Rey with ease. She let out a squawk of surprise, before she realized what he was doing, and scrambled to accommodate the position. Her thighs stretched wide, to either side of Ben’s shoulders, as he settled her. 

“Ben…  _ Ben _ …” Rey’s tone was part warning, part incredulity, part anticipation. 

Curling his arms around her hips to grasp the firm, round globes of her ass, Ben propelled her forward just enough to bring her dripping cunt to his mouth. Without further hesitation, he began to slake his thirst. The moment the taste of her hit his tongue, he remembered, recalled just how fucking delicious she was. Ben wasn’t sure who moaned louder, Rey or himself, but he attacked her with abandon. Feasting on her, tongue lapping at her folds, lips nibbling on her labia. He couldn’t get enough, placing full, open mouth sloppy kisses to her sex, sucking at her clit, and fucking his tongue as deep inside of her as he could. 

Rey began to rock her hips ever so slightly, and when he hummed his delight, she moved faster. Ben’s eyes opened, having closed in his purpose, and gazed up Rey’s body. Her hands gripped the headboard for stability. She had her head tossed back, eyes closed in rapture. He could see the swell of her breasts, which he couldn’t resist touching, rolling the dusty pink buds with his thumbs. 

“ _ Fuck _ , Ben…” Rey moaned, voice rough and shaky. Her head tipped forward to watch, their gazes locked, and fuck, her pupils were blown wide from lust. Ben loved the way she ground on his tongue and lips, and Rey discovered the perfect angle in which his nose bumped against her clit, sending her movements into a frantic pace. 

So what if he couldn’t breathe for a hot minute? Ben Solo would die fucking happy, just like this, smothered. 

“Ben, Ben, BenBenBen,  _ Ben _ !” Hearing her scream his name in ecstasy made his cock twitch and dribble come on his stomach, but that didn’t compare to the wet, sticky slick that coated his tongue and chin as Rey came undone. She collapsed forward, hanging on to the headboard like a lifeline. Ben managed to free his nose and mouth, sucking in deep gulps of breath while also licking his lips, chasing the taste of her.

“Shit,” she laughed. “I think you got better at that.” 

“Maybe your standards are lower,” Ben joked. 

Rey, the little minx, slid down his body until their pelvises met and proceeded to wiggle her hips, gliding her sopping wet sex against his cock, which positively ached for release. 

Ben’s hands shot down to keep her still, and the pout that pursed her lips shouldn’t have been as adorable as it was. 

“Your face is a mess,” Rey teased. 

“ _ Someone _ made it a mess,” Ben shot back. “I think you should help me clean it up…”

A wide, wicked smile grew. Rey bent forward giving Ben’s cheek and chin a few slow licks, gathering and tasting herself on her tongue. 

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Ben growled low, before turning his head just so to claim her lips, their tongues clashing, in a kiss that was less finesse and more need. 

It was Heaven to have her in his arms again, to talk to her, joke with her, to see she’s made her hopes and dreams come true… This, the sex, was nice. Really fucking nice. But nothing compared to the… well,  _ fuck _ , the love he felt for her. 

“I’m going to make love to you now, Ben Solo,” Rey declared, reluctantly pulling away to sit up. Perched on top of him, Ben finally got the perfect look at her: skin flushed pink, cute brown curls at the apex of her thighs, reddened nipples from his abuse, puffy lips, and those eyes… Rey was a work of art, and Ben wished he could paint her, to capture this moment.

“Oh?” He asked breathlessly, quirking an eyebrow. 

Rey smiled. “Mmhmm…” she crooned, reaching her hand for his cock, stroking his shaft once, then twice, before guiding the swollen, red tip to her entrance.

All Ben can do is watch, feeling completely at her mercy, not that he would complain about such a thing. He smiled up at her, folding his hands behind his head in a show of ease. His smile quickly curled into something else, inch by slow inch, as she took him inside of her body. 

This time, it was his turn for lips to part and let out an incoherent breathy moan, which ended in a deep grunt as she sat, having taken him fully inside of her. 

“Oh, Ben…” Rey whispered, bracing her palms on his chest. “I feel… damn, I forgot how full you make me feel…”

Meanwhile, Ben’s about to lose it, having forgotten the tight, velvety heat of her, encasing his cock like they were a perfect fit. He wanted, no he  _ needed _ for her to set the pace, but if she didn’t move in the next ten seconds he’d blow his load. 

Thankfully, Rey heard his silent pleas, lifting her hips ever so slightly, then bringing them back down. They groaned again in unison. Rey repeated the action, setting the pace slow. 

Before Ben could reach for her again, to tease her breasts or to rub her clit, Rey leaned in, wrapping her arms around his neck. Instantly, his arms encircled her, holding her tight as they both moved their hips, meeting each other thrust for thrust. It didn’t turn hurried. It remained true to what it was: love making, not fucking.

Their bodies moved and slid against each other, hips pumping languidly, building slowly to a sweet release. Ben’s hands moved everywhere, following the line of Rey’s spine to the swell of her ass where he squeezed the flesh, then moved back up, cupping the back of her head as they kissed. Even that wasn’t harried, just relaxed. 

“You feel so good, Ben,” Rey panted, grinding her hips down a little harder to get some friction on her clit. Her forehead rested against his, their mingled breaths filling the minute space between them. They’d stopped kissing at some point, and instead mouthed at each other, swiping tongues idly against the other’s pink, abused flesh. 

“You gonna come for me, Rey?” Ben growled.

“Yes,” she gasped when his cockhead hit a particularly sweet spot inside of her. Rey sought that sensation again. “ _ Fuck _ , yes, Ben. M’gonna come… come with me…  _ please _ .”

That was the sexiest whine Ben had ever heard in his miserable life.

Ben gripped her hips, helping to quicken their pace just a little. He was desperate for a release, but not until she got there with him. As he focused on that, Rey squeezed her hand between them to flick her fingers against her clit. 

That was just enough, as Rey shattered apart again, crying out Ben’s name into the skin of his neck. Between a few more steady thrusts and the almost violent contractions of her body clenching around him, Ben tipped over the edge, in white out bliss, emptying inside of her. He keened for her, cried out her name just as she had his. 

Rey collapsed against him, boneless, their bodies sweaty and sticky with come. They clung to each other, as if they  _ both _ feared the other would disappear.

Something hot and wet dripped down Ben’s throat, and it took him a moment to realize they were Rey’s tears. 

“Hey… sweetheart, Rey, what’s wrong?” He coaxed her head up, thumbing away the few big tear drops that rolled down her cheeks. 

“Nothing,” she laughed, sniffling. “I’m… I’m happy.”

And didn’t that get Ben smiling? That same genuine, wide smile that showed off his dimples, the same smile from their rendez-vous in the elevator a week ago. 

Ben settled her against his chest, resting his chin on top of her head. He carded his long fingers through her hair, and traced random patterns against the soft skin of her back with the other. 

“I’m happy too, Rey,” he murmured, a few stray tears slipping from his eyes. “So very, very happy.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it folks! I thought it'd be TWO more chapters, but I didn't want to drag it out more than I already have so... this is it. The final chapter! Thank you to everyone that has followed this fic. When I started writing this fic, it was the first one I'd worked on in LITERAL YEARS. And now it's finished! Gah! So bittersweet! I hope you enjoy this final installment, and I hope you consider checking out my other fics. I've got more coming!
> 
> Thanks as always to [ LadyofReylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofreylo) for betaing!

“How did you find out?” 

“Snoke chewed my ass out for fucking up an account I knew I had nailed. So I went back to comb through the paper trail. Nothing matched the copies I’d kept. So I started going back through some of my other accounts. Discrepancies. So small I almost didn’t catch them. I ran them by Hux, and he confirmed what I was seeing.”

Ben watched as Rey buried her face in her hands. They sat around Poe’s circular IKEA table, in those weird ass IKEA chairs. But that wasn’t Ben’s concern at that moment. It was Rey, and protecting Rey, and doing something about Snoke. 

Like ending his fucking tyrannical reign. 

“Shit, Rey, I’m so sorry,” Poe sighed, his normally olive complexion looking gray. “This is my fault… I didn’t look…” 

“No,” Ben and Rey said at the same time. 

Their gazes locked, and Ben shot her a brief half smile. 

“No, Poe, it’s not your fault,” Ben reassured the CFO. A few weeks ago, Ben would’ve been loath to make any sort of placations towards Poe. But now that Ben and Rey were together again, and he felt he didn’t have to compete for her affections, the words came easier. In fact, Rey had informed him the other day that Poe and Zurii were a tentative thing… Ben couldn’t have been happier for them. 

“I feel like it is though,” Poe argued. “I’m the damn  _ Chief Financial Officer _ . How could I miss something like this? First Order -- Snoke -- has been skimming off the top for God knows how long, and I never saw it? Fuck…” 

Ben actually felt sorry for the guy. Again, an inconceivable thought a few weeks ago. 

“Poe, please,” Rey spoke up, sliding her hand across the table to lay on top of Poe’s. “You couldn’t have known. No one knew. No one would have known if Ben hadn’t gone looking. Snoke, and whoever else he has on his side, is too good at hiding their tracks. They’re sneaky and underhanded.” Rey paused, flipping her hazel gaze from Poe to Ben. “And that’s how we have to be to catch him.”

“Whoa, whoa…” Ben held his hands up, palms out. “Pump the breaks. ‘ _ We? _ ’  _ We _ aren’t going to do anything.  _ I _ am going to gather as much evidence as I can, and present it to the authorities. Hux has talked to Gwen. We’ve first got to figure out the extent of how much he’s taken. I’m going to save whatever I can and have a forensic accountant look at it. Then, I’m going to-- to the damn FBI. Whoever.”

“Ben,  _ how _ ? How will you find the evidence you need if what you’re saying is true? Which it is. I’ve talked to Snoke on a few occasions and he’s a slimy bastard.” Rey leaned back in the chair, and for a moment Ben panicked that she would keep rolling right on back to the floor. Fucking weird ass chairs. “He’ll have had someone doctor login records and database records on a minute level. You don’t know how to look for fudged data and erased logs.” 

Ben bristled, though what she said was absolutely true. He knew enough about technology to function in his everyday life and his job. The deeper stuff was computer science levels he’d never even wanted to fathom. 

“What’re you thinking?” Ben asked. 

Rey didn’t respond immediately, but a little mischievous glimmer sparkled in her eyes. He’d seen that look once or twice before. It usually meant Rey had a genius idea, and though he might not like the means, the ends would be worth it. 

~*~

A few minutes later, Ben and Rey stepped off the elevator and into the basement of the Jakku Building. The place was a labyrinth, but Ben wasn’t worried. Rey knew exactly where she was going, and he admired her figure as she strode down the corridors, leading the way. 

“Please tell me you’re not staring at my ass,” Rey teased wryly as they turned yet another corner. The hall dead ended at a door marked ‘Security.’ 

“Okay. I wasn’t staring at your ass,” Ben deadpanned, which made Rey laugh. It was infectious, making Ben smile as the sound of tinkling wind chimes filled the cramped hallway. 

Rey just shook her head, then raised her fist to knock on the door. 

Ben could hear muffled cursing, a loud bang, then the door flew open to reveal a short, orange haired man with circular wire-framed glasses, and a red nose. When the man saw who had disturbed him, he grinned widely.

There was no way this guy was building security. Ben called bullshit. 

“Hey, BB,” Rey greeted. “How’s it going?” 

BB shrugged, leaning a shoulder on the door frame. “Oh, you know, same old, same old.” 

“Can we come in?” 

“Sure. Mi casa es su casa.” The man opened the metal door wider to admit them. Ben felt like he couldn’t see a damn thing, as there were no lights but a solitary lamp and the glow of what seemed like a million digital screens all over the small room. There was another man, taller, beefier, who wore an all black uniform that proclaimed him as security. He was perched in front of a bank of screens, watching tons of camera feeds. A handheld radio sat near his right hand, close enough to grab if he needed to make a call. 

“Wow…” Ben whispered, then settled his gaze back on BB who had sat himself at a bank of three side-by-side computer screens. 

Rey greeted the other man, Bob apparently, with her usual genuine benevolence, and then turned back to BB. “I need a favor. Like a clandestine sort of favor.”

BB’s face erupted into the widest grin Ben had ever seen on someone’s face. The man rubbed his palms together almost greedily. 

“The best kind of favor. What can I do you for, boss?” BB asked. 

Rey gave BB a brief rundown of the situation, and Ben could see the wheels grinding underneath BB’s mop of orange hair. 

“Here I was thinkin’ you had a real challenge for me,” BB shook his head, turning to his computer screens and wiggling the mouse to wake them up. He laced his fingers together and pressed his arms out to crack his knuckles. Then, fingertips flew across the keyboard, and that’s when Ben got lost because the shit that popped up on the computer screen looked alien. Like BB had hacked into the Matrix. 

A minute or two later, BB reached into a drawer and rooted around, then came up with an innocuous looking thumb drive and plugged it into one of the screens. A few more keystrokes and he safely ejected the thumb drive and turned around with it clutched in his hand.

“What I have in my hand here is the key to bringing down this bastard that deigns to steal from my liege.” BB declared. “You connect this to a computer hooked into First Order’s network, and  _ bam _ … it’ll hunt down any abnormalities no matter how small or buried they are: doctored logs, discrepancies in accounting, even misspelled words. You don’t need to do anything, just plug it in and  _ voila _ ! It’s a program of my own design. I’m hoping to offer it up to law enforcement agencies soon for precisely this purpose. This’ll be my test run. And I have all the confidence this baby’s gonna work. Plus, the best part is that the data this collects is guaranteed solid and incorruptible for investigative purposes when you hand it over to the authorities.” 

Ben wished he felt that confidence. 

“BB, you are a genius. I knew I could count on you,” Rey grinned, before reaching out and plucking the thumb drive from BB’s hand. “I’ll owe you one.” 

BB waved his hand. “Nah. You know I’ll forever be in your debt. Besides, I don’t want anyone trying to take money from my paycheck, that’s for damn sure. Just bring back the thumb drive when you’ve got what you need, and I’ll extract the information.”

“Solid. I will be sure to do that,” Rey assured BB. 

“Oh, I know… Always trustworthy, our Rey,” BB tapped his finger to the side of his nose with a wide grin. 

Once back in the hallway, Rey led Ben back down the maze of hallways towards the elevator. Halfway back, Rey reached out to grab his arm, halting his movements. 

“Ben, I…” Rey trailed off with a heavy sigh, her gaze considering the linoleum floor before looking back up at him. “I didn’t even ask… I just… For this to work, it’ll have to be done by someone on the inside. I don’t want to force you, or make you feel like you’re obligated to--” 

“Rey,” Ben interrupted, reaching out to cup her face in both of his large hands. He brushed the pads of his thumbs across the apples of her cheeks, attempting to soothe her. “You know you don’t need to ask. There’s no one else to do this but me. I’m fully prepared to. Please don’t worry.”

“I worry,” Rey bit back, her voice shaking slightly. “I’ll worry anyway. Mostly because if you’re caught, I don’t know what Snoke’s capable of…” 

“What’s he going to do? Fire me? He’ll be doing me a favor,” Ben said. 

“What if he… what if he, like,  _ hurts _ you…” 

Ben chuffed a laugh. “Rey. How’s that old, decrepit man going to hurt me?” 

“He could send a goon after you. You don’t know what sort of friends he has in low places.” 

Ben looked back in the direction he came. “And BB? Is he your friend in low places?” It was mostly said in jest, but he was curious to know more about the basement dweller. 

“I might’ve helped him out of said low places,” Rey said. Ben’s heart swelled, overwhelmed with just how generous and kind Rey was. He didn’t deserve her. But by God, he would work to become someone she deserved. 

Ben dropped his hands down, then curled his fingers around Rey’s hand. He turned them in the direction they’d been heading. “What is ‘BB’ supposed to mean anyway?” 

“Oh, they’re his initials. Brian Brown. He’s a year or two younger than me. A complete genius with computers. A few years ago, he got caught trying to hack into my systems, but instead of pressing charges I gave him a job.” 

Ben snorted. “Only you, Rey.” 

Rey shrugged. “I know what it is to be desperate to survive. Anyone I can help not feel that desperation, I try my damn hardest.” 

It was almost tough to see that Rey had come from humble and not always good beginnings herself. 

They finally arrived at the elevator, and as they ascended to the ground floor, Ben turned Rey to face him, reached for the hand that held the thumb drive, and took it gingerly from her furled fingers.

“I’ve got this, okay? I have to see this through,” Ben told her, his voice soft and as unshakable as he could manage.

“Thank you, Ben,” Rey breathed, shuffling forward to get closer. Ben leaned his forehead to press against hers, his nose bumping her nose. “Thank you for doing this. For me, and for all of the people Snoke’s fucking over. Just… Be careful, please.”

“I would do much more than this to protect you,” Ben replied. “I never got the chance to give Sheev a giant ‘fuck you’ middle finger, but this is my shot. I’ve gotta do it. Snoke can fuck with me all he wants, but when he went for your hard earned money… that was crossing the line.” 

Rey laughed, pressing into him. “You are too much, Benjamin Solo. The line was me, huh?” 

“It’s always been you,” Ben replied, whispering, as if telling her a secret only she could know. “Every line, every motivation, every action… it’s always been for you, but I was stupid to have let you go.” 

“Hey,” Rey admonished, reaching up to curl her fingers around his wrists. “We’ve agreed not to think about the past anymore. Only the future.”

The elevator sounded, opening up into the din of the lobby. They quickly stepped off so others could get on. When they managed to find an alcove to themselves, Rey launched herself into Ben’s arms. 

“Your lunch hour’s almost up,” Rey mumbled into Ben's neck. “Please be careful. And come immediately here when the work day’s over.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Ben agreed, pressing his lips against Rey’s temple. 

Mustering as much strength as he could, Ben pulled himself from Rey’s embrace, holding up the thumb drive for only her to see. “I’ll be back with the goods promptly at 5:10.” 

“And I’ll be right here. Waiting for you.” 

Ben nodded, pressed one more quick peck to Rey’s forehead, then headed from the Jakku Building and back to First Order Financials. 

He had a manipulative, ancient fucker to bring down.

~*~

The rest of his floor had already returned from lunch when Ben stepped off the elevator and headed toward his desk. Ben knew he was a tall guy, not exactly inconspicuous or graceful or discrete. It was probably all in his head, this image of him as a deer in headlights, like everyone he passed knew what he was up to. Though, to be honest, he figured half of the people here would gladly plug the thumb drive in and walk Snoke down to FBI headquarters themselves. 

Ben slowed his steps, and sat stiffly in his chair. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Hux asked, appearing at the entrance of his cubicle. He rested his elbow on a portion of the partition, looking as casual as ever. 

“What do you mean?” Ben blurted, so fast that it came out more like ‘whatdoyoumean?’

“You’re acting weird… Did you eat from that hot dog trolley again? You know what that does to your digestive system, Solo.” 

Ben could feel his cheeks flush, and he gave Hux a middle finger. “No, I didn’t eat from the hot dog vendor.” 

“Then what is it?” Hux pressed. 

The thumb drive felt like it was burning a hole in his slacks pocket. 

“I’ll tell you later. I cut it close coming back from lunch, so I better get working or Pryde’s gonna chew my ass out.” 

Hux nodded. “Alright. I will accept this answer. Besides, I have something I need to discuss.” The redhead said it so pointedly to Ben, he had the thought that it was lucky neither of them had chosen to be spies. Hux walked away, and Ben turned back to face his computer. 

Sucking in a breath through his nose, and then expelling it out his mouth slowly, Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out the thumb drive. He took a second to look over one shoulder, and then the other, not that it mattered as the walls of the cubicle disrupted his view and anyone else’s that might try to sneak a look. 

Before he lost his nerve, Ben jammed the thumb drive into one of the USB ports in his computer monitor. He half expected his computer screen to go blank and a sinister message pop up saying ‘My Office, Solo.’

Nothing of the sort happened, thankfully. Instead, a small rectangular window opened in the bottom right corner of the screen. A progress bar. Bless BB, because Ben had panicked for a moment, wondering how he would know the scan was finished. 

Ben busied himself pushing papers around on his desk trying to look busy while keeping one eye on the progress bar, and one behind him. 

“Mr. Solo.” 

Ben jumped a foot out of his chair, nerve endings completely zapped from the sudden pleasantry from behind him. Slowly, he shuffled his feet, spinning his desk chair around. His heart thumped so loudly in his ears, he wouldn’t have been surprised if everyone heard it. Blood rushed to his head, and Ben felt faint as he completed his rotation to face Enric Pryde. 

“Uh, hey, Mr. Pryde. How can I help you?” Ben asked, willing his voice to not shake.

“What are you doing?” Pryde asked, eyebrow arching. 

Ben shifted in his chair, trying his best to not make it obvious that he was trying to hide his computer monitor with his wide shoulders. It wasn’t against company policy to have personal thumb drives, but it was frowned upon for exactly what Ben was doing now: exposing highly private documents. 

“J-Just getting ready to finish up the Hoth account. They were giving me a little bit of the cold shoulder, but I think I’ve gotten them to warm up to me a bit.” 

Pryde looked from Ben to his desk, sweeping across the expanse, including what was on his computer screen, and then back to Ben. He swore he lost a year or two from his lifespan at the examination. 

“Good,” Pryde replied, tone snipped. “Carry on, Mr. Solo.” 

Then, the odious man returned to his office, and Ben felt like he could breathe again. Yanking himself around, he let out a sigh when he saw the progress bar at 100% complete, with a prompt to remove it, which Ben quickly did and shoved the thumb drive back into his pocket. 

Bracing his elbows on his desk, Ben cradled his head in his hands, fingers sifting through his hair. He willed his heart to calm, and his blood pressure to lower.

There was no way he’d ever make it as a secret agent. That was for damn sure. 

His phone buzzed, a text from Hux.

_ [Hux] I’ve got an idea of what we should do about our problem. _

**Already got it covered.**

~*~

“Oh yeah, there’s some really good stuff here,” BB declared hours later back in the dark, dingy security office of the Jakku Building. Ben, Rey, and Poe all stood behind BB, hunched forward to look at documents whizzing across the screen. “And by good stuff, I mean good stuff for you to press charges, bossy lady.” 

Rey grinned, patting BB’s shoulder. “Fantastic.” She turned those hazel hues onto Ben and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “All thanks to Ben.” 

“Ben the hero,” Poe said, ruining the moment. Poe clapped his hand on Ben’s shoulder and pressed down over and over, jolting Ben back and forth. Ben resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 

“I’ll get everything together in a comprehensive folder, and then you can take this to Legal to see about next steps. But it’s all here…” BB waved his hand in front of his three computer screens. “Embezzling, tax fraud, investment fraud… it’s amazing the guy hasn’t been caught before.” 

“He’s smart,” Ben replied, thinking of those beady, lifeless eyes that looked out from Snoke’s gaunt skull, as if reading your thoughts and filing away the information to use against you later.

“Honestly, Ben…” BB continued, shaking his head as he scrolled through some more files. “It’s a good thing you’ve caught this now. Your name is connected to a lot of this stuff.” 

Ben’s brow furrowed. “ _ What _ ?” 

“How long have you worked at First Order?” BB asked.

“Ten years.” 

“Yeah, I’d say about five years ago, Snoke started attaching your login credentials to a lot of this stuff. For insurance purposes, I’m sure. If he got caught, it wouldn’t be him taking the fall for it. It would be you.” 

A slap on the face would have hurt less than BB’s revelation. 

A rolling chair appeared behind him, thanks to Poe, and in perfect time too, as Ben’s knees gave out. His large palm pressed to his forehead, stunned silent. Ten years he’d given his all to First Order. Sheev Palpatine had all but groomed him to take this position, confident that under Snoke, he would one day work his way to the CFO office. 

But now Ben wondered if it had all been a lie. Had Sheev and Snoke planned this all along? Getting away with stealing money from dozens of clients and pinning it on the young, impressionable asshole who could never think for himself? Who only ever wanted to please and never disappoint? 

Ben felt faint, face devoid of color and warmth. 

Could they have masterminded this as a way to get back at Leia? 

Sheev had always had political aspirations in Chandrila, but at every step either Padme or Leia stood in his way. Could Sheev have orchestrated this scheme to get back at Padme and Leia by sending their grandson and son to jail? 

Honestly, at this point, it wouldn’t surprise Ben. 

“Hey. Ben…  _ Ben _ …” 

Ben’s awareness returned, feeling warm palms pressed against the cool, clammy sink of his cheeks. They were slim, small hands, with callouses from years of tinkering with engines. 

_ Rey _ . 

Right, Rey was here. 

“Ben, love, it’s okay. Take a deep breath…” 

And just like that, the panic Ben hadn’t even known was rearing its ugly head disappeared at the behest of his anchor. Rey. The one person who had always grounded him. Keeping him in the present. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay…” Ben reassured her, reaching up to envelope her hands in his.

“So, um… uh… BB, how-- how do I  _ not _ go to jail for this?” Ben asked in a shaky voice.

BB just grinned. “That’s the beauty of my program, Ben. You see… you may think you’ve deleted something from your harddrive, or covered your tracks electronically, but nothing is ever truly gone. The right person who knows what they’re doing -- and I am that person -- can dig up the evidence of tampering. Yes, on the surface, it looks like you did it all. But my baby here, she uncovered the truth hidden underneath. Snoke’s name is all over everything. Along with some other person named Enric Pryde.” 

A strained laugh punched from Ben’s chest, thinking back to Pryde stopping by his cubicle as the information had been downloading on that harddrive. 

It figured Pryde was involved. Pryde had always been halfway up Snoke’s ass. 

“Anyway. As I said--” BB said. “-- I’ll get everything wrapped up neatly, and Legal’ll have it first thing tomorrow. My guess is that they’ll have the guy in cuffs by week’s end. Prepare for a shake up at work, Ben. The storm’s comin’.” 

~*~

As BB predicted, a couple days later the lovely men and women of the FBI’s New York office white collar crimes task force arrived, calmly walking across the floor and through the maze of cubicles to Snoke’s office. At one point, the team split, half going for the old man, and half asking to be pointed to Mr. Enric Pryde. 

Ben watched everything unfold from his cubicle. He stood at the entrance, Hux next to him, both of them watching with barely contained smiles as Enric tried to run but tripped over his own feet. The Feds had him cuffed in a heartbeat.

As for Snoke, well, the old man was more dignified. The special agents allowed the guy to walk out of his office without the cuffs, holding his head as high as he could. Those critical eyes immediately zeroed in on Ben. It was then Ben couldn’t contain the smile anymore. It bloomed across his face, and something Ben had never seen before crossed Snoke’s: fear. 

_ This one’s for you, mom _ , Ben thought.

“I wish I’d popped some popcorn for this,” Hux chuckled. They both turned as the teams left nearly as quietly as they came.

As soon as the agents disappeared, the floor erupted into a furious buzz, every last one of them trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

No sooner had the FBI gone, but the elevators chimed another arrival. The entire floor fell completely silent, and out of the elevator stepped Rey, looking as gorgeous as ever, and the CEO of First Order Financials, Robert Plagueis. 

Rey and Ben’s gazes met quickly, and Rey gave Ben a wink. 

“Can I have everyone’s attention please,” Robert Plagueis called out, his tone almost bored. The guy was older than Snoke, if that was possible, but Plagueis had aged better. His skin was tan and leathery from spending most of his days in the sun on a golf course. No doubt there would have been more wrinkles in his face too if he didn’t indulge in an injection of botox here or there. 

The entire floor fell silent as Plagueis found a sturdy chair to stand on. Despite being older than Snoke, he was certainly in better shape, but just in case, one of Ben’s coworkers stood close in case the man wanted to catch his balance. 

“As you’re no doubt wondering, Mr. Snoke and Mr. Pryde have been apprehended by the authorities on many charges. Most involving financial crimes. This does not paint a very pretty light on First Order Financials. That being said, I’ve decided that in light of recent events, there’s going to be some major changes.” 

Murmurs erupted, whispers and worries of losing their jobs being on the forefront of everyone’s mind, including Ben’s. 

“No one is going to lose their jobs!” Plagueis bellowed. Silence fell again. “In fact, I have been assured that everyone will remain gainfully employed with benefits and salaries befitting their positions.” 

Hux glanced over his shoulder at Ben, curiosity in every crease of his face. “Is he about to say what I think he’s about to say?” 

“As I said, First Order’s reputation will now forever be tainted by the actions of two individuals I and the board trusted so implicitly. Effective immediately, Mr. Snoke has been removed from his position as Chief Financial Officer. Mr. Pryde has also officially lost his position.

“It has been the utmost pleasure to have been working for First Order for well over thirty-five years, and I’ve enjoyed working with all of you--” 

A lie. This was only the second time Ben set eyes on Robert Plagueis in ten years. 

“-- I will be taking this opportunity to gracefully retire and bow out of the business, and as my last action, the board and I have just signed a merger with Niima Technologies.” 

Rumblings broke out yet again, as Ben’s mouth nearly hit the floor.

This was new. Rey hadn’t mentioned  _ buying out _ First Order Financials after this. 

“As of ten minutes ago, you are all now employees of Miss Rey Niima, CEO and founder of Niima Technologies. After hearing much about Miss Niima’s business and her company’s philosophies, I think you will all appreciate working under her.” 

“Holy shit,” Hux chuckled under his breath. 

Rey met Ben’s gaze again with a pleased smile and jaunty arch of a perfectly manicured eyebrow. Ben couldn’t help but laugh himself. Just one final ‘fuck you’ to Snoke, erasing his legacy and replacing it with something new, something  _ good _ .

God, he loved this woman. 

“I wish all of you my best in moving forward with Niima Technologies, and officially leave you in the capable hands of Miss Niima. If anyone needs me, I’ll be on the front nine,” Plagueis joked. He used Ben’s coworker’s shoulder as support as he hopped off the chair, shook hands with Rey briefly, then hobbled to the elevator and left. 

Thus came the end of Ben Solo’s woes. And that day not only officially brought on a new job, but it officially brought on the start of a brand new chapter in Ben’s life. 

And damn, things were looking bright. Like a ray of sunshine. 

~*~

_ Six Months Later… _

“ … Thank you so much for dinner, Ms. Holdo, it was delicious.” 

“Oh, Rey, please call me Amilyn. And I’m so glad you enjoyed the salmon. I was worried I’d made the wrong thing when I realized I hadn’t asked Ben if you even liked fish!” 

Amilyn beamed, sitting across the table from Ben and Rey, enjoying a fine meal on Amilyn’s wraparound porch. 

“How are things at work, Ben? I know mergers must be such a pain in the ass,” Amilyn asked, delicately grasping the stem of her wine glass. 

“I think everything is pretty much wrapped up. Most everyone stayed on, but those loyal to Snoke took their severance packages and left quietly. Our new CEO is pretty cool too. She’s been very hands-on, but with the intent to be pretty hands-off by the time we’re back on our feet.”

“Well, I mean… when you have a CFO that knows his stuff, it sure makes things easier,” Rey replied, grinning widely at Ben. 

“I did learn from one of the best. Just not the embezzling or fraud part,” Ben chuckled. 

“Yes, and luckily, everyone recognizes this and knew Ben would be the obvious and natural choice to take over after Snoke. And not because he’s dating the new CEO,” Rey teased. 

It  _ had _ been a concern for Ben in the beginning, but when he realized that everyone knew what he was capable of and how much they trusted him… well, he’d never felt so appreciated. 

“Oh! Look at the time! You kids need to go or you’ll miss your double feature!” Amilyn had casually looked at her watch, noticing the hour. Ben glanced at his cell phone and saw that indeed it would be a good idea to head for the drive-in. 

“We’ve got enough time to do the dishes,” Rey said, getting to her feet. She started stacking dishes, and Ben helped. 

“You really don’t need to do that!” Amilyn fussed, as Ben and Rey made short work of the clean up. 

“See, we’re done,” Ben assured her a few minutes later. “And still with plenty of time to make it to the movies. Thanks so much for dinner. We really appreciate it.” 

Amilyn beamed again, enveloping Rey in a hug and pressing a kiss to her cheek. Amilyn repeated the actions with Ben. “She’s a keeper,” his godmother whispered in his ear before pulling away, regret and guilt painted in those azure orbs. Ben wasn’t grateful his godmother felt those emotions, but he was grateful to her for recognizing the gravity of her influence. 

Ten minutes later, Ben pulled the truck he’d borrowed from his dad’s shop into a parking space at the drive-in theater. The season had just begun, and Ben had convinced Rey to leave the city for the weekend to enjoy a bit of fresh air. 

That night's double feature, appropriately enough, was  _ The Princess Bride _ and  _ Ever After _ , two very sappy but very romantic movies that Ben proudly admitted to liking.

Ben and Rey climbed from the cabin of the pickup truck, and got to work laying out blankets over top of the air mattress he’d blown up earlier. Rey brought the basket of snacks and cooler of drinks from the cab and put them within reach. 

“Not bad,” Ben mused, leaning slightly against the tailgate, admiring their work.

“Just like old times,” Rey replied with a smile, before nearly being pushed over by a shaggy blur. 

“Chewie! Dammit! What’ve we said about how we greet Rey?” Came the harried voice of his father. 

“Dad,” Ben greeted, suspiciously. “What’re you doing here, dad? You haven’t been to the drive-in since I was in high school.” 

Han braced an elbow on the pickup, looking casual and happy-as-you-please, watching Rey recover from Chewie’s attack and immediately getting to the crux of the matter: petting. “What? Your old man can’t take in a movie or two with his sidekick?” 

“ _ No _ ,” Ben huffed, knowing full well why the old fart was here. Thankfully, the tacky Winnebago was absent, and instead his father had shown up in his personal vehicle. 

“Well, fine,” Han pulled a face that almost made Ben laugh. “I’ll leave you lovebirds alone. I’m only here for the first movie anyway, then I gotta get back to the garage. This new investor’s been riding my ass to do the books more often than I used to.” 

“As well he should, old man,” Ben grumbled. “If you didn’t, you’d be reversing said investors' hard work and running that shitbox into the ground.” 

Since Ben had taken up his position as CFO of Resistance Financials, the new affiliate of Niima Technologies, he’d had a sizable increase in income. And because Ben loved his father, that damn garage, and what that damn garage stood for, he’d happily used this money to bring the place back to where it should be.

“Yeah, yeah,” Han waved his hand. “Alright, well, we’ll leave you alone. Chewie can’t miss the first part of the movie, it’s his favorite.” 

Han and Rey embraced briefly, exchanged some light conversation, and then finally returned to his own car, finally leaving Ben along with Rey. 

“Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly.

“Why are you sorry? You know how much I love your dad and Chewie,” Rey huffed with only a little indignation.

Ben held out his hand to help her up onto the tailgate and then into the bed of the truck. He followed, and they were soon comfortably ensconced in a nest of blankets, snacks, and pillows. 

_ The Princess Bride _ began rolling, and Ben found himself transported back to that summer ten years ago when he’d first taken Rey to the drive-in. That had been the night that changed everything for him, and this night would be no different.

They both whispered the lines of the movie to each other, laughed at the funny parts, and sniffled at the sad and romantic. As the final credits rolled, a swell of happiness like none other Ben had ever felt welled in his heart. Reaching into his pocket, he palmed the velvet box that had sat heavily since they made the drive from the city. 

“God, this movie never gets old,” Rey sighed. 

In the flickering light of the movie screen and the shine of the stars above, she was that young girl again, not the high power CEO she was now. And Ben didn’t feel like the trusted CFO, but the new graduate about to set out on life’s steep path. 

“Rey,” he breathed softly to grab her attention. 

“Hmm?” She hummed, turning to him. “Oh! Shit, I nearly forgot. Rose and Finn are closing on their house in a few weeks. I’m sure they’ll want to get celebratory drinks, but more importantly, I thought it would be nice if we helped them move out. I just hope it doesn’t feel awkward because they’re moving out, and we’re moving in, and I hope it doesn’t feel like we’re kicking them out or--” 

Ben interrupted Rey’s ramblings with a sound kiss, sighing happily when he felt her soft lips sink into his. 

“What was that for?” She breathed when he pulled away. 

“Sorry. I just needed you to stop talking because I’ve got to ask you something.” 

“Oh… well, is it about the commute into the city? Because I’m keeping my brownstone and we could split our time if--” 

“Rey,” Ben interrupted again with a laugh. It was now or never, and if he didn’t want her to go off on another rambling tangent, it would be best to press on. He pulled his hand from his pocket, gently took her wrist in his hand, and plopped the ring box into her palm. 

Rey looked from the box to him, back and forth for a very comical sixty seconds. 

“What--?” 

“I know it seems like it’s not been that long since we got together. But in reality it’s been ten long years. I fucked up once, letting you go. I’m not waiting anymore. Ten years ago and right now in the present, you have and  _ do _ make me the happiest asshole on the planet. You put up with my bullshit, and ten years on, you still love me. That means something to me. Rey Niima, I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life making up for the time we lost. Rey, would you… will you be my wife?” 

When Rey didn’t answer for a startling amount of time, Ben thought he’d made a huge mistake. He’d been so damn proud of himself for coming to the conclusion -- on his very own -- that Rey was the one for him, and he wouldn’t wait any longer for her to be his, and him to be hers. But he hadn’t considered that maybe Rey didn’t want the same? Especially so soon? 

But just when Ben nearly leapt from the truck in mortification, Rey let out a burst of watery laughter, and leapt at him, wrapping her arms around his neck with the velvet box clutched tightly in her grasp. She peppered kisses along his cheeks and nose and chin and jaw, and Ben laughed along with her. 

“ _ Yes _ ! Oh God, yes,” came her reply, and Ben felt in that moment that he could fly. “I love you so much, yes, I’ll marry you, Ben.” 

Rey pressed the box back in Ben’s hand and immediately held out her left hand for him. He took his cue and pulled out the modest, but not less beautiful, square-cut diamond and slipped it on her finger.

A perfect fit. 

Applause broke out around them. Ben and Rey craned their heads up over the walls of the truck bed to see those close by clapping. His dad stood out from them all, no doubt having rounded them all up for this. Rey laughed. Han smiled and nodded at Ben, his eyes misty, before turning towards his vehicle. 

Ben and Rey hunkered back down, laughing between kisses. 

As the intermission ended, and the opening notes of  _ Ever After _ began, Ben realized, Rey firmly tucked against his side, that despite his mistakes and the coercion of those around him, he still wound up where he needed to be. 

His gaze glanced up at the stars, sending a silent thank you to his mom. Ben knew, without a doubt, Leia had been the invisible hand, guiding him to his own decisions, and guiding him back to fix the most horrible decision he’d ever made. 

It would take time to come to terms with being happier than he deserved, but if there was one person more right for him in this world to keep him from that type of thinking, it was Rey. 

And no amount of persuasion would take her from him now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! If you're looking for me, you can find me on Twitter at @JGoose753 or in the Writing Den Discord.


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